how much can/should a nanny help with potty training?

[kissmummy]

Our wonderful nanny seems very half hearted about it. i had a go at training DS myself a few months ago. i followed an intensive potty training programme (Gina Ford) and it was a disaster. DS wasn't ready, and after a day of misery, i thought it best to leave it for a while. i think he is ready now.
DS is a very, very energetic little boy and staying indoors for a couple of days will be really hard on everyone. I need back up from our nanny, who we love and is fantastic in every other way, and am not sure how to approach the issue. I have tried to encourage her to be proactive about it before and she has said she doesn't think we should "force it". (i agree, but i don't think having a proper attempt is forcing it.) Is it reasonable for me to ask her to do a day or two of intensive training? (meaning staying indoors?) it seems like she is going to need a lot of encouragement to really roll her sleeves up on this one. does anyone have any thoughts/advice?

how many days / hours a week does your nanny do?

Personally i think that if you as the parent want to potty train your child then nanny has to go along with it etc as he is your child and its up to you...
But just bear in mind if your nanny genuinely thinks your child isnt ready (she might have had more experiance potty training than you a realise that he isnt ready)
If she just cant be bothered to deal with accidents then she is being unreasonable.

perhaps you could start at the weekend so Monday will be the 3rd day, by which time if he is really ready will be having some sucess.

Once you go to pants its not fair IMO to go back to nappies (as it confuses child), so if YOU are sure your child is ready then go for it....

children who really are ready are mostly dry within a week or 2 anyway, and if they arnt then they wernt ready in the 1st place, and although at the time it may seem tedious, it really isnt that bad!

Why would it mean staying indoors? Could your nanny not just take a lot of spare clothing and things to clear up any mess when going out? That way any usual outings, like toddler group, could still be attended.

Nanny should be backing you up and going along with how you want things done but I do feel they should also be trying to keep doing the usual things rather than being confined to home.

Are you sure he's ready; for a boy I would say 2.7 or so? We just did DD1 at 2.5 and didn't need to stay in as she was truely ready; had done lots of evening practice (bottom clothes off from about 5pm to bedtime for a few weeks). Bought a porta potty and business as usual. Took her about 3 days and now (10 days later) uses toilet etc. herself (needs help with cleaning after poo), flushes and washes her hands. I also tried earlier as per GF; too early and my DD1 went stir crazy she is an outside girl. So glad now I waited and made it easier on everyone.

On the nanny point; ours was v supportive on whatever I wanted to do.

My DS is 2.5 months old and i think he is ready but i'm not totally sure...K75 am very interested in your technique. didn't know about porta potties but they sound good...it would be a lot less traumatic if he could still do his normal activities. i don't have any experience in potty training as DS is my only child so was just going with GF advice on staying in. if it can be done effectively around daily activities then hooray!

I have only potty trained one child when a nanny but 3 as a mum.

I was just told by the mum we were doing it and got on with it.

Sounds like your nanny doesn't want to be bothered with the hassle and the mess.

kissmummy - I like bits of Gina but can be a bit rigid. We took the concept of a practice week or so; to be about a month (until DD1 finished preschool for xmas) of having her nappy off whenever home in the eve (usually 5-7pm). I am sure if you do this for a week or so you will know if your DS is truely ready or not.

Come Xmas we went cold turkey but still went out and took the porta porty and reminded every 15 mins or so; although she didn't need much reminding and would tell us (to be fair though the boys I have seen in her group need a lot of reminding!) Started on a sat to give our nanny a head start (but we also have a 4 month old - should be ok if just one imho).

Good luck.

Porta potty is this one and great as also doubles as a toilet seat; am sure there are others that work just as well.

www.johnlewis.com/230587521/Product.aspx

i have pt many children and i dont stay in the house for days//weeks on end - def cant if it is no 2 being being pt as always out and about with no 1

carry on with same daily routine as you have with activites and then warn the groups you attend that you are pt - all should/will be fine as obv child friendsly groups (hopefully)

take potty and plenty of spare trousers/pants and towels if doing a music class where sit on cushions etc and place on potty every 20mins then 30mins then hourly as gets better

you say you started before and gave up after a day, you are prob going to have a few days of 7/8+accidents till your dc gets to know the feeling of needing a wee, so dont give up if you have a bad day

if not dry after 2weeks and having lots of accidents then your son is not ready

2.5 is quite early for a boy, and esp so at 2 if you tried several months ago - tho my dc was done at 2.5 as needed to be dry for nursery and was done within 2 weeks, though the first few days we got through so many pants

obv both nanny+mum need to be doing the same stuff, and once you start pt dont put in nappies/pull ups as confuses the child

good luck - tbh it is normally the nanny who does the pt and the parents who dont continue it at weekends/days they not working and that really annoys us nannies, all our good work is undone by 2 days in nappies

so suprised your nanny isnt keen,unless like nannyl says she thinks he isnt ready

why do you want your dc to be pt now?is he showing signs?

hi there blonde thanks for the great tips. there are two reasons i am keen to do it now. 1) he has become very difficult to change - he's a boisterous little man and if he's tired or in a naughty mood he kicks out/screams or whatever, often at me, as i'm trying to change him. this sometimes results in poo going everywhere etc etc and is miserable all round. 2) he is due to have an operation on January 13. it is surgery to remove a very large birthmark at the top of his leg, and is the third surgical phase in the removal process so far . As his birthmark is near the edge of his nappy, it can be very bad if he has a dirty or leaking nappy and poo touches the wound before it heals over properly. (sorry for TMI..) I feel it would be easier to keep the wound clean if we'd got him potty trained. however there may not be time now....I have to decide whether it is realistic to achieve it before 13th, or whether to leave it for quite a few weeks until he has had his op and the wound has totally healed. it's a difficult one. [btw in case anyone is wondering we are having the birthmark removed on medical advice, not just cosmetic reasons - higher risk of melanoma etc]

Good luck with it. They all get there in the end!

Good luck with it. They all get there in the end!

i think you would be extreamly lucky to have a child who is clean in 10 days time!

almsot all the boys i have ever delt with have been reliably dry weeks / even months before mastering poo's

Agree with nannyl, simply not realistic now for Jan 13 - and worse if you're in a pants-situation rather than a nappy one!

Is your nanny helpful/easy to communicate with/proactive in other ways? Our nanny definitely "led" the potty-training with both ds and dd - and we did what she suggested.

I think the nanny should be helpful if your son is ready - my nursery have been amazingly good with dd3 BUT I don't think either of the reasons you mention are anything to do with your son being ready. You may be - but unless he is then nanny is quite right that it isn't a good time.

have also posted on the potty training thread and others agree it would be wise to wait until after the operation. i'm happy to put it off so will probably do so. our nanny is fantastic in every way so hopefully when the time comes we'll work really well as a team. i have been surprised she's not been more proactive about the potty training but it must be because she genuinely doesn't think he's ready.

My DS potty trained within about 8 days, including mastering poos. He took a couple more weeks to be dry at night too - and was 2 yrs 8 mths - but it was summer, so much easier and he was obviously ready. I'd definitely recommend giving it a go in late spring/summer if you can..

nannyl - are you really a nanny? It is not impossible to be trained within a few days if the child is ready. If two weeks down the line you aren't any further forward then you have picked the wrong time.

DD was done in 2/3 days, DS2 was about the same.

fabisgoingtobefabin2010 i dont get what you are saying?

of course i am really a nanny...

and didnt i write pretty much exactly what you said here:
"children who really are ready are mostly dry within a week or 2 anyway, and if they arnt then they wernt ready in the 1st place,!"

KISSMUMMY hope op goes well- def sounds that your dc isnt ready - some boys arent pt/ready till 2.9 or even 3+

agree your reasons are for your needs rather then your dc being ready

you can pt a child IF THEY ARE READY in 2 weeks/10 days etc - poos and wees - normally easier to conquer the poo before the wee i have found - children tend to not like/tell you when have poo in their nappy and that is often the first stage of knowing they MAY be ready to pt

does your dc play up at poo nappy chnage time with the nanny - if not then sounds like he is testing you

out of curiosty has your nanny pt a child before - i know many nannys who havent pt children as they leave beofre child is being pt or start a job where child is just pt

Well a real and experienced nanny would surely know that children can be trained in less than 10 days.

...which is exactly what i said

"i think you would be extreamly lucky to have a child who is clean in 10 days time!"

Really?

I think you will see it isn't what you said there. ^

Just for what it's worth, I did put aside a time when I was able to have a few days at home with nothing planned. I think it is more hectic for everyone if you're having to try to think about toilet training and be out and about. It won't kill anyone to spend two or three lightly boring days at home and I think it is much kinder to the child to allow them the calm space to focus on what they're trying to learn.

again, for what it's worth, Ds got training on day 1, pees and poos. If he had not got it by day 3 I would have stopped and gone back to nappies and tried again later. Don't believe in 'training' them in any real sense - they're ready, or they're not imo.

fab....... yes i do think OP would be extreamly lucky to have a 2 year old boy who is clean in 10 days time.... who after a nasty operation can still master potty training, to the point where if he has an accident it would be extreamly painful for him in his scar.

At no point have i EVER said it was not possible, as in a few children who are ready it clearly is.... but in my experiance most children are not 100% reliable 2 weeks after starting potty training, though of course those were properly ready in the first place wont be having frequent accidents