How do you get your own kids to bond with the minded kids

[MUM2BLESS]

I have four kids of my own 14,11,8 and 5. I also mind five kids aged almost 2, just 2, 5, 8 and 10. Yes I have been busy, never a dull moment with the childminding!!!!!

I am still learning how to balance running my business and also taking QUALITY time out for my kids and hubby.

How do you get your own kids to bond with the minded kids? At times your own kids may not want the minded kids around. I am aware of this, but I am also trying to make the minded kids feel welcomed. In 2009 I have had to do a lot of intervening. Sometimes being very firm with either my own when necessary and also the minded kids too.

My oldest son is responsible for designing my newsletter, which he does very well. My younger ones will sometimes get out the toys ready for the youngest child. I will sometimes get my daughter to write down the time a child may arrive (for the register).

Would love to hear what you do.

As I am dealing with a large amount of kids, in the new year I will only have one minded child per day during the holiday time. I will only take more than one if necessary. I think its vital to have a balance between business and private life. I am also learning that I need to take time off every now and then to recharge myself?

Have a Happy New Year when it comes!!!

When I stsrted minding, ds was only 10 mths old and he bonded really well with any children that came into the setting. However as he's got older - he's now 5 - I find he has very strong likes and dislikes regarding the 2 children I still care for, albeit they are very part-time. Basically, you can't make them bond with mindees, just encourage them to be involved in your business, as you are.

I found the business/private life balance very very hard - infact I think I failed it big-time. I was so wrapped up in being a cm that dp and dcs missed out on my time and attention. I took a step back last year, now work 20 hrs a week in a playgroup and have re-evaluated what is important in my life.

I still care for children, but to set hours, my time outside that is my own and I am enjoying spending time with those that matter. CM'ing is a hard, hard, profession - but very rewarding - and the 2 dcs I still mind a few hrs a wk are an extension of my family, but I have to say I won't be going back to it full time.

Good luck, you will - hopefully - get that balance in 2010.

Thanks for that, much appreciated.

You mentioned taking a step back last year, thats good advice to any childminder.

There are childminders who are so busy that they dont have time to enjoy what they are working for, time for themselves and real time for their family. I have learnt that quality time is so important.

Not only do you need to work on bonding between our own and the minded children, but also bonding between the minded children from different families. I have learnt that parents have different ways of bringing up their children. I have to take this into consideration but I will not compromise when it comes to being firm with children whos behaviour is challenging.

MJ

What you have said about what your children so sounds more like jobs to do than things that will bond them.

Thanks for your reply. You are right, I guess it makes them feel a part of what is happening.

Have you got any ideas for bonding?

Yes, don't try. You can't make kids be friends. Just let them get on with it.

I agree about not being able to make them bond. I often get children (mine or minded) saying so and so won't play with me. I explain that I can't 'make' anyone play with someone. I think the jobs thing sounds good (if they enjoy it which I presume they do ) and I will ask ds1 if he wants to when he's old enough.

I've been childminding since 2005 and this year have realised I've been so wrapped up in the business that my own family (and me) have suffered. This year we are going to have some changes!!!

I have more trouble during term time with my DD being jealous of the time I spend with the minded children, rather than her, before and after school. However ... during the holidays, she gets really involved and loves helping me out as a 'childminding assistant' and being paid a pittance of a wage to help me (normally about 10p per hour). One thing I have done since an early major personality clash between her and one of the mindees is that if I am taking on a child of a roughly similar age, I try and make sure she is there to play with them during the interview process, so I can see if there are any obvious problems.

Like everyone else is saying, we all have to step back and look at the big picture sometimes. We also have to remember to prioritise ourselves, or we will be no good to anyone's children (our own, or otherwise).

Wow thanks for your advice everyone!!! We are all learning as parents and also as carers of other peoples children.

I think I am going to look at booking my time off early, you can do a better job when you have taken time out of yourself!!!

May this year be full of wonderful things for you all!!

MJ

I worry about my CM sometimes as there are some mindees parents who seem to drop things on here at the last minute (including over nighters ) and she is so lovely and the mindees (including my DS) are all fond of her that I think she hates to say no - plus when it comes to work us being able to go to work is what her business depends on, I suppose. However, this year about six weeks ago she put a very firm but polite note in with the bills to say she wouldn't be working in between Christmas and New Year, and to remind us that she would be taking her usual two weeks in the summer. That is the only time off she ever has and I think she is right to be uncompromising about it.

If you give parents plenty of notice they've got nothing to grumble about, you're entitled to time off too.

Its so great reading your letter!!!! as I also have 4 children age 14,13,7 and 4 and mind 3 under 2's during the day and a couple on 2 nights after school.
I really had to cut back last year after minding for a year as it got too much for my family.
I found the worst thing I did was to mind a child in the same class as my 7 year old, it drove him nuts in the end having him 5 days was just too much so I gave notice.
I also do term time only contracts now so I only commit to the terms and then offer adhoc care for the hols.
I also only work a max of 4 days and 2/3 in the hols.
I can earn a decent wage from doing this and can still do after school swim lessons for mine.
When I first started I thought I had made a huge mistake, but now mine have adjusted its much better.
They always help set up in the mornings and sometimes tidy away. I never expect them to share their toys unless they want to, I have a shed full of their old toys which they are happy to pass on to minded children, but anything which is precious to them gets put in their room.
I don't allow minded children upstairs unless invited by my children, I find after school they just want to chill in front of the tv, and I used to feel guilty if the minded children did this as well but I've got over that and don't try to do so much after school.
I still find it hard if mine need my attention and my patience is getting a bit thin by the end of the day but my dh is very supportive.
I have just finished my nvq3 and find that this has opened more doors for me, ie I do wedding creches and hotel babysitting and this earns much more so I can cut back even more during the day.
Its lovely to hear that someone else has 4 children and also minds, I thought I was the only mad women!!!
In answer to your question about bonding, I don't try to get them to play and bond as they didn't choose them as friends and so long as my children are polite and welcoming and include them I don't expect anything more.
Happy new year x

Wow someone with four kids and minding, great to hear from you!!!!!!!!

I have made some changes recently. I will only care for one under 3yrs per day unless an emergency. This is because I had to deal with the little ones at times attacking each other.

I use to do 7 am starts but this will not happening for at least the next year. If I bring a new family in I will not start if poosible before 08.00.

I enjoy the times I have to do things for myself and also to do my paper work.

Danthe4th what time do you from and to? Any more tips you find useful?

Also this year i will only mind one child per day during hols.

Lots of good advice on the posts here. What I've found is much the same you can't make children like each other, they do though tend to bond with someone.
My DD is 9 now (4 when I started CM) I have found as she is getting older that sometimes she wants to do her own thing, which is fine. I do make sure that no-one goes in her rooms though unless they ask her first, her special toys are in her room and not used unless she offers or gives permission.

She likes the job thing that you do with your DC's and enjoys planning etc. Above all I make sure that I treat her exactly the same as all of the other mindees (people are surprised she's mine as I show no preference whatsoever) this helps the children bond in a way as they know they are all the same.

A buddy system is good too your DC's are a good age range to fit around most children and also helps settling in.

I do know a minder that lets her 5yr old do things that the others can't like eat lots of sweets, play with certain things etc which results in a huge amount of resentment from the other children.

I am in the process of changing the area to be used for childminding. Now that I have a downstairs toilet I will be regisitering downstairs only for childminding. As a family we have never practised bringing friends or the minded kids to play in bedroomS, unless the person is staying over.

I also try to be firm with my kids and the minded kids. Some may home in on the minded kids all the time, but I try be fair. It is important to observe the minded kids and YOURS to ensure fair play. I try to make my home welcoming for the minded children also,taking into considertion that my kids need their space too.

Two of my minded kids are in the same class as two of my kids. This has its advantages and its challenges too.

NEVER A DULL MOMENT!!!!