Strategies to help my nanny/mother's help cope with the differeing ages and needs of my children....

[IlanaK]

I have a nanny (I call her that, but some may think she is more a mother's help) two mornings a week. She is unqualified but has a few years experience looking after ages 4+. I am in the house while she is here, but I am meant to be working in another room.

I have three boys aged 8, 5 and 1and a half. She plays excellently with the older two. She gets right into whatever imaginary games they want. She is less good with my toddler. When she has had him on his own a couple of times, she was fine. She sat playing and reading with him with no problem. But I think she has trouble balancing his needs against the other two. Naturally, as she is better at it, and they are more demanding verbally, she gets into games with the older two and my toddler tends to get whiney and come and find me - not ideal while I am working.

So, she is coming tomorow after a xmas break. I know my toddler will find it hard as he hasn't seen her for two weeks. I want to give her some tips and ideas of how to be involved with all three of them at the same time. Things along the lines of: sit on the floor to play playmobil/games/etc with the older two and have some baby toys next to her on the other side so she can also play with the toddler - being involved with all, but not so involved that she is neglecting the other.

I know this sounds obvious, but I think she actually needs some practical tips. So, what else can I suggest?

No ideas anyone?

Don't want you to go unanswered. To be honest, this sounds like a stretch for anyone. Do the 8 and 5 year old really need her to play with them? Can't they entertain themselves for periods (I assume they are usually in school). Agree there are ways to engage them and still engage the toddler but that wouldn't be my preference as the defacto option. Depends on what kind of 18 month old you have, would they do some colouring while she entertained the elder two? Then she could give time to the toddler and get the older ones to entertain themselves.

I also couldn't work terribly easily in the next room. Perhaps suggest she takes them all to nearby park, playground etc. Somehow, that always seems to sort things out round here as folk partly entertain themselves.

Sorry to not be much help - hopefully others will have more practical suggestions.

was thinking similar to k75, get her to take them out somewhere? ball in the park etc?

i do think you need to talk to her and just make it clear that you really don't expect to be disturbed by the toddler, and that she needs to do more with him

but also talk to the other 2, presumably will be ok once they're back at school?? but tell them that you need them to help you out too, so playing with each other would be good!

Thanks for answering. They are not at school - they are home schooled. My eldest can keep himself amused with no problem. My 5 year old is very attention seeking though.

I did have a chat with her this morning and suggest what I put on here. So far, there is peace and my toddler is just wandering in and out.

As to taking them out, yes - she could take them to the playground. But I do this with them myself and I guess I want her to play with them here when I am around. Perhaps that is not the best way.

lock your door or go and work at starbucks - your 18mths is winey+comes to find you and wanders in and out - as you let him (sorry if harsh)

i have had my mb working at home last 8weeks and she locks herself away and leaves me to it

i have roughly the same ages that you have and at times it is hard to spilt yourself and make sure all needs of 3 ages are being met

saying that my older 2 are fab with baby and will entertian her by playing boo,chase on knees if i am cooking etc

would it really be that bad to let them go out for a walk/feed ducks/play at park/trip to library etc - although yousay she is there 2 mornings so should be able to entertain children for 4/5hrs at home

Perhaps the older two could have a friend over for a play morning? If they do not go to school then perhaps they are craving someone other than you and each other to play with, wanting your nanny's attention the 2 mornings a week she is not there and therefore making it difficult for her to interact with your youngest?

I have a 5 yr old dd and she would be soooo bored if she wasn't at school. Even with the best will in the world I think I'd find it hard to entertain her full each and every day, especially if I had to work too.

I think you have 2 problems. First, older children find it much easier to get used to new people caring for them, especially if that person is giving them the amount of attention that your nanny is giving to your two; in fact children of this age often really enjoy meeting new people. Meanwhile, it is quite normal for a toddler to want his mother in preference to a less well known person, no matter how kind and attentive this person is. Therefore it is likely he will always seek you out if he knows you are at home.

The second problem is that it sounds as though your older children demand a lot attention, making it very difficult for the nanny to bond or distract your toddler. I care for children in these age ranges myself, and to be honest the older 2 are quite self sufficent in terms of entertaining themselves. I would see myself more as an enabler than an active participant in most of their activities, giving me time to deal with baby and cook etc.