CM Club: how can i very very kindly stop an unvited sibling from joining our Xmas party at my house?

[Numberfour]

Last year I had a Christmas party for my mindees and I said to the parents they can pop in for a drink, too if they wished. One mum and dad arrived with older sibling. While i FULLY, 100%, DEFINITELY AND ABSOLUTELY appreciated that he is ASD, the older sibling's behaviour made the party in my teensy tiny house very difficult (he screamed at everyone because we were not listening to him to mum asked us all to be quiet so that he could talk, he boxed and kicked a mindee because mindee had a balloon he wanted..... etc).

Today, mum is going to drop the mindee off at mine (it is not mindee's usual day, but I have obviously invited her). I am terrified that older sibling (who has not been invited as it is a mindees only party), will let himself in as he does, and then mum will ask if he can stay or then mum will just plonk herself down and stay with older sibling.

How can I politely and kindly and FIRMLY say (if this happens) that it is a mindees only do without upsetting anyone???

er..... uninvited of course.. (heading!)

You can't be sure how she'll react. She might be upset. But you just have to say it anyway. "Sorry, this is mindees only party, you can pick X come back at whatever-o'clock"

Or just block the door, have mindee slip through, smile and say "Thanks. Pick her up at X o'clock, bye." and shut the door.

remove the "come back" from that first bit. and maybe pop in an "up" while you're at it. Rewrote it a few times and the bugger slipped through

Keep them at the door & say 'I'm glad Mindee could come, if you could collect mindee at x o'clock that would be great. Have a nice afternoon, byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee'

If for some reason they have made it in through the door, then just say 'Sorry, as the house is so small, we have made it mindees only this year, no parents or sibilings as we just don't have the space for everyone, sorry!'

Be firm!!

thanks, Heqet and ChippingIn.

Secret is being firm, it seems. Something I am not usually in mind and most certainly never in body!

oh and hide behind your numbers too, yes?

'oh I can't have more than x number of children due to my registration conditions'

HTH and have fun

surely most parents would be happy to dump=run and get a few hours peace?

agree be firm,open door, let mindee in and say pick up at 5pm etc

have fun

frigging hell!! mum arrives

Mum: hi! can i come in! mindee wants me to stay with her.

I say: well. the house is a Big Mess and there is stuff everywhere.

She: well, don't get stressed about me being here!

Me: oh.......

Me: er......

Me thinking

okay, come in......................

It was awful... my lounge which = playroom which = dining room which = tv room which = my entire ground floor (excl kitchen) was FULL of kids, wrapping paper, presents the children had opened, party food, party table, Christmas tree.

And STILL the woman came inside

RIGHT: so next year, the mindees will receive a written invitation stating No siblings and No parents.

I made it abundantly clear (but only in body language) that her coming in was NOT a good idea and was NOT what i wanted. yet she came inside.

But, it is MY house and I control who can enter. So, yes. it is my fault. I just need to grow a pair, I think.

But that's Next Year's Ishoo cos I am on holiday now!!!!

xxx

so did she have the other sibling with her or did she come in uninvited by herself?

LOL - OK, you need some lessons!! But we'll start boot camp next year, after the holidays

she came in by herself. older brother was at home with dad.

grrrrr.

"Mindee wants me to stay with her', er doesn;t mindee happily stay at your house without her on a regular basis? Be strong next year!

Oh dear. At least it's over with now.

Just a thought, I wonder if the mum is on the spectrum. Genetically I feel it's usually more down the male line, though it isn't always and there isn't sufficient research on that subject. So if mum has trouble reading body language then maybe she is borderline ASD. I know I have trouble reading body language... respond much better for firm direction

least she didnt bring sibling

surely it wasnt that bad having her there (siblingless) did she not offer to help/extra pair of hands etc

next year put on invite due to limited space that only charges will be invited - no room for siblings/parents

enjoy your holidays and roll on 2010