Help....pretty please

[minnieminx]

I very rarely post on MN-more of a lurker and wish to remain anonymous.

This is a very sensitive subject and I am at my wits end after dealing with it over a period of 3 months and am turning to all you lovely peeps for advice.

I started my job in September, live in (Monday to Friday)? sole charge of two children aged 6 years and 14 months.

I was under the impression when I accepted the job that mum and dad were in the process of divorce and dad sees the children on the weekends. So what I thought was an amicable spilt until little things started to unveil themselves.

The 6 year olds behaviour is out of control, he shouts screams and hits me. To the point that I have had bruises on me, I have had shoes thrown over the banister at me and landed on my head,been spat at,he has wee?d on the floor and I have trodden in it? the list is endless. Tells me he wishes i was dead,he wishes he had never been born and tells me he hates me with a passion

To cut a long story short unfortunately these children have witnessed this type of behaviour at home as I have discovered that dad has a history of being violent towards the mum and through no fault of his own the 6 year old has witnessed everything and thinks this is acceptable. Matters have been taking further of which I can not go into but I am seriously thinking about quitting as I just can?t take much more ? but if I do I feel as though I am the only stability these children have right now and I will be leaving them in the lurch. The mum knows what he is doing in unacceptable but seems so wraped up in other things at the moment, that i basically feel as though i am in this alone. One minute she wants to do something about the situation and then when i tell her how things have gone she just brushes it under the carpet. She never apologises for her sons behaviour towards me -am i expecting too much??

I have personal problems of my own to deal with, I live away from my husband during the week and my dad only has a matter of months to live and I have basically had enough. The mum said she is going to seek help and get counselling but in the mean time keeps letting the children see their dad which just starts things up all over again.

I have nannied for 14years and never dealt with such circumstances - please help.

leave your job

Leave, spend time with your Dad.

Oh goodness, get out. Very sad. But, really, you have to look after yourself. And for goodness sake, of course go see your dad.

Tough situation... but not one of your making.

Agree with the others posters.

Life is too short.

I love that you are thinking about these children but you, and your dad, and your husband must come first.

And I speak as an ex live in nanny.

Do it!

These children needs some support and there are a number of agencies who will support children who have experience domestic violence contact the childs school nurse (via local primary care trust but school should have contact details) and they will be able to refer onto an agency who can help or offer some 1:1 support to the little boy themselves.

You need to decide whether this job is really doing you any good at the moment you obv have some personal problems of you own and maybe need to take some time off to spend with your dad, does your contract mention compassionate leave? Could you take annual leave?

if not could you say to mb you are taking x amount of unpaid leave to spend with your dad and will return on the condition she has sought support and help for the children.

I think, if it were me, I would leave, spend some time with my dad and look for a new job in the New Year (assuming of course you and your husband are in a financial poistion to do so) or maybe look for some temp work/part time to keep you ticking over?

Sad for the children but sounds like you need to put yourself first.

Until I got to the bit about living away from your husband & the situation with your Dad, I was thinking you should stay, give the kids stability, love etc but given you are living away from your home, you're not single and your Dad doesn't have a lot of time left I really think you should hand your notice in. I feel for the children, but at the end of the day, they are their parents responsibility and if they had told you the truth about their situation in the first place, then you might not be in this situation now.

I also think you might not be in the best position emotionally to be the one to help these kids through this (I know I wouldn't be in your situation, not if it was my Dad).

If you can afford to leave and just spend the time with your Dad, then you should - if you can't afford to do that, then do whatever you need to do to make ends meet, as near to your Dad as you can - you only have one Dad, make the most of the time you have.

(PS: Don't tell anyone, but I'm going to send you some very un-mumsnetty HUGS X).

i agree with all the others

Get out now....

spend the preciouse time you have left with your dad and darling hubby. Life is too short.

You are the best nanny i have ever met, and you have put 150% effort into making it work BUT you HAVE to look after yourself.

The mum doesnt support you and realistically its NOT going to change.

You do NOT deserve to be battered and bruised by a 6 year old,a dn you DO need to spend as much of the preciouse time your dad has left with him.

and as for the £, dont worry about it, thats what credit cards are for... you are a super duper nanny and something WILL come up, life will go on and the world will keep revolving weather you stay or not.

big big BIG hug from me XXXXXX

Hand in your notice before Xmas, and then take life as it comes

Get out for your sake.

Take it from someone who's been there and done that (problem with parents , not kids may I add).

My dad was dying and job gave me crap (wont go into details it's all water under the bridge now), but, I suffered with the grief fall-out for well over a year and I truly believe it was because I let work get to me so much while going thru the whole process of death/grief.

Life is too short. Sadly your dad wont be around forever.

There are other jobs out there waiting when you are ready to start again.

Enjoy this christmas with your family.

hope your dad has a nice time too surrounded by his family.

Take care.

agree leave

life is too short and i would have said try and stick it out to help the children IF you lived out and near by and dad wasnt ill

but as you are live in, away from hubby and as your dad is ill,you have to think of them and they are your life, not your charges