Who can look after Ds & Granny?

[StAnne]

My Mum is my lovely childcarer but she is now 71 yrs with various emotional & health problems that have hit her badly this month.
In the New Year my 5 year old DS starts a new school. I work three days a week now 9am til 6pm get home around 7pm. Mum loves looking after Ds, it also work really well for me when I'm home late she puts Ds to bed. Work hours have got to change or some childcare has to be put in place.
The ideal solution is for Mum to still pick up Ds but with the knowledge that someone else is about to pick her up off the floor if she falls or take over if it gets too much. She lives an hour away by bus and wants to keep her home and live there with my nephew. I could drop Ds off at a childminder in the morning but I would still have to be at work until 5pm home at 6pm! Any ideas what we should do? It would add to my Mum's problems if she can't pick up Ds as he keeps her on an even keel.

This is a tricky one. I work in a job with a resident granny and it is hard from from a nannies perspective as one day gran will decide she doesn't want to do something then the next day huff off when you do it anyway claiming you want to push her out; take the children away from her etc etc.
Frankly I get bored with the emotional blackmail that goes on as it often gets to to situation where the children are doing something with me and gran wants them to be with her and does the whole, 'she's just an nanny, she doesn't care about you like I do.' thing. It becomes very emotionally charged from the grandparents perspective and utterly irritating from the nannies. I think you would have to be VERY clear upfront with any childcarer. Could an au-pair work for you - a more mature one if possible or a mothers help/student studying education or childcare and needs a part time job? I wouldn't underestimate how difficult this type of position is to work though on all sides. Good luck

Your answer is spot on about my worries. Mum would do all those things you describe even with me. When I had DS BiL paid for Mum to go to see my DBrother in Canada as we were driving each other nuts.The idea of a student looks good but where do I start to look for one. Can't do Au-pair house too small. Any ideas?

I'm not sure where you are based but put an ad in the job shop of the local university or colleges. Gumtree is also an option. Chances are you will get a lot of timewasters and unsuitable applicants but hopefully you will turn up somebody.
There is also the problem of undermining. I never undermine the gran in my job but she doesn it to me all the time. If the kids don't eat their tea she gives them chocolate and cakes when I've said they can't have anything else. I'm sure you've thought of all this. I'm just trying to point out the difficulties from an employees perspective and I can't discuss them with my boss because it's her mum. I thik jobs like this have a short shelf life for the nanny. Maybe it's different if it's just a few hours a day.

Why can't you do a CM for two days and your mum for one day? That way she is still involved but not over burdened doing three days - not a problem when ds is at school but quite a lot of work during the holidays.

Until recently my mum had ds one day a week (ds 5 and at school). If during the holidays she needed to do more than one day a week (holiday club doesn't cover all school holidays) I made sure that she never had ds two days in a row. I am out the house 8am to 6pm.

An hour away is quite a journey. Does she do both ways by bus? That must take its toll. Could she stay over at yours on the day(s) she looks after ds?

Personally I wouldn't be happy having a young student having sole care of ds and I doubt your mother would want someone in the house trying to do what she will see as 'her job'.

Thank you for replies MollieO Even for one day I'm worried that no one is around to pick her up if she falls etc... Mum really doesn't like staying over at my house. I agree the bus journey is naff but she is likes it, it get her out of the house and she can be out without having to do anything except sit.Maybe student can be paid to drive her home! If I got the student to have specfic jobs i.e Ironing Mum would cook she is a fab cook. Student can do homework which Mum isn't good by that time I should be home!!! It sounds lousy doesn't it