Can`t believe my charge said this to me....

[moonriver]

Hi, I post quite regularly here but have namechanged for this.

I am a nanny and have been working for my family for around three years now. MB has always been a little snobbish, but not take much notice till recently.

Yesterday morning, my five year old charge was being extremly rude to me, and when I pulled her up on it, she said "but mummy told me it was ok to be a bit rude to you sometimes, you`re just the nanny"

I would have dismissed this as her imagination, if I not heard MB talk to other people in a similar fashion. I once overheard being very rude to someone on the phone. After she had got off the phone, she said to me "dont worry, hes only a trainee and its ok to be a bit rude to them". There have been other instances of her being rude and looking down on people but not going to get into it now.

Whar would you do in this situation? Would you confront MB? What would you have said to the child? I would really love some advice here, wether it be a nanny`s or employers point of view.

Thanks!

im not a nanny and i dont employ one but i do work in a nursery! If a child is rude to me in nursery i tend to explain how being rude can upset people and make them feel very sad and ask them how they would feel if i was rude to them or rude about their mummy or daddy. Most children aged 4 and over are able to empathise and think about how they would feel.

OMG am in shock

have no idea what to / what i would say as i am certain that none of my charges would EVER have spoken to me like that, (and nor would their parents)

Would have probably told them off for being so rude, and made it quite clear that its NOT ok to be rude to anyone

it sounds like your charge heard her mum using that phrase and has turned it against you. i doubt her mum would be as daft as to say that her DD could tell you that it was ok to be rude to you.

i would take bonkerz advice and not confront MB, especially if things are fine apart from that

children do say horrible things , that they have either overheard or come up with themselves, not necessarily the case she has been told this particular phrase by her mum

i worked as a nanny for 16yrs and i met many a snobby employer.iw ould just say to the child well im sorry but it doesnt matter whom the person is there is no need to be rude!!

also... just to add, when I am looking after the children we follow my rules! and i dont allow that rude behaviour!

YOu answer "If you are rude to me, I will punish you. It is NOT ok to be even a little bit rude to me. How dare you"

You are not 'only' her nanny, you are her nanny and a huge influence in her life.

Just think,. you are in the fabulous position of being able to nip this disgusting attitude in the bud, and create a child with a much nicer personality than her mother intends (unwittingly) for her to have!

Sounds like the sort of person who queue jumps and drives like a git - "get out of my way, I'm terribly important".

It's a terrible attitude to have. No idea what you can do, but I'd be looking for another job. And then, when I'd left I would write her a letter telling her what a rude cow she is.

I'm not a nanny nor do I employ one (yet!) but I think I'd have said to the child, " please don't talk to me like that, it's not okay to be rude to anyone, no matter who they are".

To the MB I would probably say, "just thought I should let you know that X has been saying that you've told her it's acceptable to be rude to me because I'm just a nanny... could you let me know when you've had a word with her about this. Thanks".

I'm a teacher and have been in the delightful position of being told by 10 year olds, "my mum says you're only a teacher, I don't have to do anything you tell me to" etc. etc. I always contact the parent, not because I expect their attitude to change but because if no-one ever points out that their attitude is unhelpful/rude/offensive they, and more importantly their children, will go through life thinking that it is acceptable to speak to/about people in such a way.

how rude - but you cant blame the child, she has just copied the mum

i would have said, please dont speak to me like that, it is rude

then to mb, i would have said xxx said to me today, and i have told her she needs to be polite to everybody

tbh im not sure if i could work for someone who has so little regard for other people

Agree everyone else and think SE13mummy's solution sounds good.

I'd be inclined to take the "Mummy said..." claim with a hefty pinch of salt. I once had a mindee who stood up on her chair at the dinner table, wee'd all over it and then defiantly told me "Mummy says it's OK!"

The gist of my reply was along the lines of "When I'm looking after you, it's MY rules and standards you follow!"

Sounds to me like your little Madam just wanted to stop you telling her off.

I agree with SE13. 5 year olds could easily misunderstand and misquote what they've been told/overheard so you shouldn't neccessarily judge the mother for it.

I would take this with a grain of salt. My charges regularly inform me that their parents said it was ok to eat half a bag of sweets before their tea, and they can even 'quote' their Dad's sentiment on the matter.... I can assure you their father would prefer them not to have any sweets before their dinner . Kids can be quite creative on things like that.

Similarly, their parents sometimes let them do things that I think are less than idea (probably because they are exhausted and it's too much effort to say no) - but I always explain that because I am in charge now, we will not be doing X, Y and Z. It is ok IMO for children to know that adults will at times have different expectations.