What should a sahm needing help do?

[deliakate]

When I have our second child, my husband has agreed to me getting some more regular help in the home, with things like getting the children up, and looking after them generally in the daytime. I won't be returning to work, but would be likely to do some voluntary work perhaps a few afternoons per week.
Should I look for a nanny? Or an au pair? But are au pairs not allowed to be alone with the children?
Thanks! And I know where to come to find one too.

If you want someone to help with getting your children up in the morning, are you thinking about having someone live in? What sort of accommodation do you have to offer? Are you sure you would like another adult living in your personal space if it is not strictly necessary?

I suppose it really depends on the person - if it was somebody non-judgemental and relaxed then it would be fine to have them live in.

We have a large attic bedroom and bathroom on the floor below that they could have to themselves.

I think they'd be able to have quite a lot of time off, as I like going out with the children myself too. I guess a live in help would get a break in the middle of the day?

Depending on your arrangements. Some live-in help might prefer to work straight through without a break rather than having split shifts.

If you aren't used to having live-in domestic help, it can be quite a shock to the system! You might prefer to get in a local mother's help for a bit, to see what it feels like having someone around. And of course there is less commitment to a local mother's help that to, say, an au pair that you import from another country and need to look after.

soubds like you could do with a mothers help

Generally APs shouldn't have sole charge of young children because they're younger/less experienced and because of the language implications (but that's more extended sole charge when the AP is speaking imperfect English all day).

I would say if it's just after the baby is born you probably want someone live out but then it really depends what hours you want/need.

When would you need someone, as it's easier to recruit people at certain times of year than others? Au pairs are often looking for a September start for a year.

I would say that you are looking for an aupair if you don't mind having someone living in. Normal hours for a SAHM would probably be 7-10am where she might help with breakfast / make beds / put a load of washing on / run the hoover round, things like that and then she'd be free until she works from 5-7 where she'll help you through the witching hour, hold the baby / play with the toddler, do toddler bathtime / tidy up / run the hoover round again / put away some laundry.

It's also perfectly reasonable to ask them to do some cleaning too ie hoovering / dusting / mopping and ironing so long as you are clear upfront that the job will involve this and will have very little sole charge.

I think you should outline the job in more detail. Think about which things you really want to offload and we can better help you identify what sort of help would be best.

For example, if mornings before say an 8:00am start is something you desire then I think live-in is your best option. Especially if you are happpy for him/her to kind of roll out of bed and help with the kids before getting fully dressed for the day. For example, my live in nanny appeared this morning at 6:30 (her start time) in her robe. And while the kids ate breakfast she finished getting dressed. I appreciate that 6:30 is an early start so I'm quite happy with this routine. ALso, my kids are 4 and 6 so it's okay to leave them at the table to eat on their own for 10-15 minutes.

There are many advantages to live-in help:
1- It is cheaper
2- He/she is generally more available to b-sit because if he/she is home and the kids are in bed it's quite easy to say "hey, do you mind if we pop out for a couple of hours" and he/she gets a bit of extra money for very little inconvenience.
3- Statistically, live-ins take fewer sick days.

It sounds like you have a nice accommodation to offer. I would make use of that and get a live-in personally. But everyone is different. As Bonsoir says, some people don't really like another adult in their space. I actually like having a grown up to talk to when DH is not around (he travels).

What about a cleaner/housekeeper instead, so you can spend all your time with the children and not worry about the house (or anyone living in)?

I second the housekeeper. Most can do a bit of childcare too (particualarly helping with the older one). It will make your life, and the transition from 1-2 MUCH easier - especially in the beginning.

They are your children so you are entitled to leave them with who ever you trust will be suitable to look after them.

Many SAHMs have an extra pair of hands to help out. If you do have an au pair you have the opportunity to be alongside them for a good period of time to assess how competent they are, train them in important aspects and to build up from a brief time away to the whole afternoon off once you are confident.

We've had a few people come to au pair with us who were more than qualified. We've had a couple of newly qualified doctors and others with kindergarten teaching certificates and were wonderful with our kids when they were much younger.