grannies as nannies

[comeonbishbosh]

We are expecting our first child in a few months, and trying to think about the childcare options for when I go back to work (3 days / week), which would be about a year from now.

My MIL has, very kindly, volenteered a couple of days a week if we would like her to. She lives about 45 miles cross country from us so it would mean her staying over for a couple of nights, we have a spare room so that's not technically a problem. She says she would only want petrol money but we would definately want to pay her more as she doesn't have a lot of spare cash, and I wouldn't be looking for this as a way for us to save money particularly. The other options we are looking at are nursaries and childminders.

Just trying to think through the issues and would welcome hearing from anyone who has gone down this route. I can think of lots of pros and cons and guess it would depend very much on how you all get on and good lines of communication. There's the whole how you care about the child thing, and there's the getting back from a full on day at work and having another person in the house.

I'm also not sure of the legal situation. What's the point where someone needs to be officially registered, and are there ways of paying her that wouldn't get too cumbersome? I don't want to fall foul of the law, but if there was a way of paying her maximum for expenses (i.e. milage) that wouldn't involve her becoming our employee?

My MIL does a day a week but she is not reliable, she often feels too tired or has a cold or is away for a long weekend which she forgets to tell us about until just beforehand!

Luckily DS goes to a nursery the other days and it is usually quite easy to book an extra day but this has caused difficulties.

We don't mind too much and it is great that DS has a really fantastic relationship with his gran but I'm afraid I don't think I would advise relying on your MIL as your only source of childcare.

My MIL found it easier when DS was under 15m and harder every month since (mind you, DS is a very very active child).

Maybe you could start with her and then move to just one day a week and the rest in nursery or with a childminder? They enjoy the company of other kids more as they get older, anyway.

if she is looking after your child in your home then she doesn't need to be registered.

She would be a "live in nanny / mothers help"

My mum did one day a week and has a fantastic relationship with my son as a result. He used to tell people she was his best friend.

Worked for me and made the job financially viable and mum said she loved doing it.

I think it works if you are both singing from the same hymn sheet and have an agreement to the boundaries, one that you are both happy with.

My mother looks after my DDs whilst I am at work, and I have to say that the relationship they have with her is totally different to their relationship with their other grandparents. For example, my mother is a part of their lives. She knows their friends, what they are doing at school, what problems they have got and so on. It also helps as it gives my DD someone else that she can talk to if she is having friendship problems etc. To me, that unique relationship that springs up when a grandparent looks after a grandchild is an amazing thing. It totally changes the nature of that relationship - for the better! For me, my children even refer to my mother's house as home! But they have a bedroom there, a playroom so it really is home from home!

For us, I think it has worked so well, that the benefit my DDs have got from the enhanced relationship with my parents - it totally outweighs the negatives of me going to work. I think they are better off from me working, as they have gained this lovely relationship with my mum.

That said, it can be hard because they do get very close. I work mornings, and today my youngest DD was crying because she wasn't go to see her nanny (I mix grandparent care with a childminder) - despite the fact that she is going to see her for the next three days! Sometimes she would rather spend time with her grandparents than at home, and that can be hard to take - but I know it is okay because it is my DD who benefits - iyswim!

I can't see it working with a distance of 45 miles each way involved. You wouldn't normally consider a nanny who lived that far away, as you would be concerned about reliability issues - lots can go wrong in 45 miles. While it may work for a while... MIL may love seeing grandchild... travelling that far may get a bit much for her. Would she normally consider driving that far for a job? You have a spare room, so she can stay over... but do you really want her to stay over? Do you want your MIL to move in to your home on a part-time basis?

It's family money so it's just that moving between family members. Alas I doubt the law sees it quite like that, so I think you would need to make her your employee if her income is above the LEL (lower earnings limit) - see PAYE Intro. There are also possibly Pension implications involved if you were not to have her as your employee, as her NI stamp would not be paid. Think she needs to look into it herself - needs to ask herself: if she is a volunteer somewhere, how would that affect her financial situation now and in the future?

Thanks all, helpful thoughts. I think the reliability issue is key, and a big drawback. Will keep thinking through!