Nannyshare or nanny with own child?

[Maria2007loveshersleep]

Hello again wise MNetters

As some of you may know (I've already posted about what's been happening here & here) our nanny left unexpectedly so we're now frantically looking for a new part-time nanny (3 days a week).

I've done my calculations & it seems either a nannyshare (hopefully with someone close by) or a nanny with her own child is the way to go. For the part-time position we've advertised we've received many responses for very experienced nannies with their own child (who they want to bring along to work). They've all said they're happy to work for 8£ net per hour, and we're talking about nannies with fantastic CVs.

I wanted your opinions about the pluses & minuses of nannyshare versus nanny with own child.

About nannyshare:
How important do you think is distance between where the 2 families live?

About nanny with her own child:

One question in particular that I have, which is VERY politically incorrect & which I wouldn't even think of asking a potential nanny, is- what if a nanny with her own child (the candidates who've applied mostly have babies) have another baby sometime soon? Would I then have to pay maternity leave? And how much would that be? And what would be the logistics of having a nanny (if she were to come back to work) with 2 young children, along with mine?

About both options:
Do you think these 2 options have the potential to be long-term solutions? Or are they doomed to be temporary arrangements?

Anything that comes to your minds, I'm all ears...

If you hired a nanny with one child and subsequently has another child, you would only have to accept her back on the basis of the original contract not with both children. If you didn't let her bring the new baby too she'd probably choose not to come back and you'd need to find a new nanny.

Any (female) nanny could get pregnant. You'd have to pay standard maternity pay (about £120 a week I think) but I believe you can claim 105% of this back from the government.

How far away an employee lives is I feel always something that should be considered... as the further away they are, the greater the potential they are to be late for work. However, that does not mean that someone living very close by won't be late for work.
In a nannyshare situation if you were taking your child to a different location... then you would want that location close to you, would't you?

SMP - don't worry about that until it happens. As argento says, you can claim the cost back from HMRC.

You don't need to accept the nanny bringing the new baby along with them... but if you did you would need to look at how that would work... in particular I feel the physical logistics such as in transporting all 3 children. Caring for 3 children isn't that much of a problem... it's the getting them places if they all don't walk. With luck however, at least one child would be of walking age by then.

Could be either temporary or long-term... will come down to the person you recruit. You never know really... as anything could happen down the line.

Argento, you're right, of course any female nanny of childbearing age could get pregnant, and I'm happy to live with that. But (oh god, I can't believe I'm writing this) surely a 30something year old nanny, married, with one 6 month old is more likely to get pregnant again in the next couple of years? AAAARRRRGGGHHH it's a minefield since I never ever would want to discriminate against a wonderful candidate on those grounds. However, after our current nanny leaving us unexpectedly after 1 year, I really would like to have the possibility of some continuity...I would be very disappointed if we lost a very good nanny, with the hope of continuity, because of this. I suppose we could take her back with her second child too...but just seems very complex tbh.

Generally the whole nannyshare / nanny with own child seems complex, but I really prefer one of these solutions not just for reasons of cost (which is a considerable plus) but also because my DS would really enjoy the company, I think.

I guess no solution is perfect, am just trying to think of all this from various different angles.

NannyNick, thanks, no I meant how far away the other family in the nannyshare lives (not the nanny).

I was a nanny taking along my own dd to work. I fell pregnant with my ds when I had been there for 2½ years (so was in fact there for just over 3 years before I left) and my mb fell pregnant at the same time too. In fact, we both had boys a day apart So although we didn't have to consider the logistics of nanny + 2 children of her own, my example shows that it is not necessarily a short term solution.

Any potential nanny could also wonder if the job with you is long term as you could be plannning another baby anytime soon.

Exactly as nbee84 says - a nanny may think you're a married woman with a baby and will be getting rid of her when you go off on another maternity leave in a few months too!

Any nanny you employ could leave in six months/a year/two years because they get offered a new job, want to move house, go back to studying. There's no way of guaranteeing continuity.

Nbee, yes, you're right that the nanny might think I might have another child soon- and of course that is a possibility (I hadn't thought that this would be a potential problem with a nanny, but yes of course you're right). But in fact I've thought this through & one of the reasons we want a part-time nanny & hopefully paying less through nannyshare / nanny with own child(amongst other reasons) is that we would want to have a nanny if/when we have a second chlid from the start. We have no family in the UK & would love the help particularly to get a bit of sleep each day, as well as the possibility of spending time with each of the children. I would be willing to put that in a contract actually. Its great to hear, in any case, that in your case it worked so well Nbee Can I ask you a question: do you feel it could have worked equally well if you hadn't been with the family beforehand, i.e. before you had your baby?

Argento, ok, that all puts my mind at ease a bit. I suppose I have to accept that continuity is not a given.

You might even find a nanny with her own child is more committed, as they'll have fewer alternative options and will value being able to take their child to work with them.

1. Distance is quite important since 1 family or the other will have to drop off/pick up at the other house. If you think the share might last until children are at pre-school/school then being in the same school catchment might also be important - nanny can't drop off at different schools at same time.

1. Nanny with own child is just as likely to have a baby and need mat leave as any other female nanny who isn't over menopausal age - should not be an issue. Depending on age of child there are also limits once children get to preschool/school age unless nanny's children likely to go to same school.

I have nanny-shared (twice) and had a nanny with own child. Of these the nanny with own child was more hassle on a day to day basis but the nannyshares lasted shorter times (one finished due to one family having issues with the nanny, the other because we moved house but was potentially going to end anyway as both families had second children and 4 young children is a lot for one nanny!)

Maria - slightly off topic but my first time on Mumsnet so please help!! Question about cost of nannies with their own babies. I have been chatting to a woman with nanny experience who has her own baby and am thinking about hiring her to look after my own baby when I go back to work. I have to go to her with an offer but have no idea how much cheaper she should be than a nanny without her own child. What is the going rate? You mentioned 8pounds/hour? She would be coming to my home.

Wages really depend on location and the experience/qualifications of the nanny - you might be better off starting a new thread.

Yes, I think location is important. And also how experienced the nanny is. In London with a very experienced nanny with her own child, I've offered 8£ net per hour & it's been accepted without any issues.

Maria79 - start a new message thread (click here and then put in a descriptive message title) it is more likely to get responses. If you can include your location as wages do vary around the country... London (inside M25) for example is often a lot higher than outside of the M25. There has been chat on here in the past about nannies with their own child taking a pay cut of 20% maybe more... but also many comments from nannies in particular saying that they didn't take a pay cut to get work.

Millarkie, can I ask, why was nanny with her own child more of a hassle day to day? What were the main issues (problems) do you think?

Sorry Maria, don't quite understand your question???

Just to tell you my story;

A lot of employers on her don't like the concept of a nanny with their own child - and I do understand the potential complications it can bring. However, for me and my employer it worked really well. My dd was 2 and my employers dd was 7 months old at the start of the job. They got on really well and were like sisters - they are still in contact now and they are 19 and 21 years old! My daughter was very healthy and I never needed to take time off because she was ill (though hubby would sometimes have been able to have her so that I could have worked). I was happy to go to work if my charge was ill as I figured the girls had probably passed any germs between themselves already. I didn't need things like double buggies and extra high chairs as my dd was old enough not to need them. At 2 she rarely slept during the day, but if she did I was happy to pop her on the sofa - so no need for a travel cot. I cost my boss about 25% less than the going rate for nannies in the area. She had someone who was committed to their job as I wanted continuity for my own dd - like she did hers.

Possible difficulties were; not being able to go swimming with 2 small ones. Working late would have been difficult (though my bosses were in jobs where it was never needed) as it would have been past my dd's bedtime.

Happy to answer any question you have

Nbee. Sorry if I wasn't clear

I meant- do you think it could have worked equally well if you had started your job with the family when you already had your baby? It seems (from other threads here on MN) that that's mentioned quite a lot as an issue. I.e. that yes, hiring a nanny with her own child can work out brilliantly, provided you know the nanny already & trust her.

I think the problem you mention about not being able to go swimming (for example) with 2 little ones is not really a problem because in a way it would be the same problem if I had a second child or if we had a nannyshare (all possible scenarios). I'm not particularly looking for a one-nanny / one-child scenario so I'm prepared to have restriction in activities for the benefit of the company! I think my DS having a playmate would be lovely.

I started my job with one dd already, so the job didn't really change like it would if you hired a nanny who subsequently had a child, I should imagine that although you may love and trust your nanny and want to have her back it would mean having to adjust to the changes of having an extra little one around. Working as a nanny with 2 children of your own would present more problems and I don't know any nannies that do/have done.

My boss took a career break after having her 2nd child and I became a childminder. I did this until my youngest was 14 and old enough to get himself home from school and not need me around for a couple of hours. I've been nannying again for a couple of years and just work a 3 day week. I love it

Also, if you have a nanny who then goes on to have her own child (rather than one who already has one) you have to deal with maternity leave - she could take up to a year off - and employing a temp to cover her whilst she is off.

I think nanny shares do tend to be limited in time - people have more children, or move (especially in London). But if you've never had a nanny before, and you're not used to being an employer, it's great to have someone to compare notes with and agonise over!

As others have said, children who share a nanny do form incredibly close bonds which last for years. There's a lot to be gained for the children. DS1 shared a nanny for a year when I first went back to work and 6 years later he and his little pal are still like best friends, even though they only see each other once or twice a year.

One of the reasons I have a nanny is to get babysitting when DH and I are both working late, which for us is about once a week. More organised couples get one night babysitting in their nanny contract so they can go out together (even if it's just once a month!) but we cannot get ourselves together for this . If that's important you would need to discuss it at interview with the nanny and see what her approach is. I have a colleague whose nanny brings her child who has no issue with babysitting; when I last looked for a nanny some candidates weren't happy with babysitting once a week. That was candidates with and without a child.

I've had 2 nannies go on maternity leave now and TBH I think it's a great way to part company with a nanny. You get plenty of notice, the DCs can get used to it and obviously it's a very happy time for her and (vicariously) for her employing family. You need to cover her antenatal appointments, and if nanny has a difficult pregnancy that is a real pest unless you have good support networks. If your nanny is PG, you need to keep some of your holiday in reserve. And in terms of coming back afterwards, I think all the economic power is with the employer. On nanny pay, you cannot afford childcare sufficient to allow you do to a nanny job, so if the employer is not prepared to allow nanny back with a child or another child, you can be pretty sure she will not come back. I didn't want one nanny back with her DC, for a range of reasons. I would have been delighted to have the other nanny back with her DC but she chose to move 250 miles back home to be near her family. In that case I would have offered a temp role to the maternity cover.

Fridayschild- thanks that's all very helpful.

About the babysitting, no, we wouldn't need it, we have a couple of local babysitters who are lovely, plus our previous nanny who's keen to do babysitting for us regularly in order to keep in touch with DS So it wouldn't be an issue for me.

For of an issue would be the possibility for some flexibility regarding hours / days & perhaps a few more hours if needed in the future. Hopefully though that can be negotiated with the nanny beforehand & put in the contract.

It does seem, from what everyone's saying, that a nanny with her own child may, paradoxically, create a bit more continuity just because she might be keen to have that continuity! So I'm more & more open to that possibility...

A couple more questions. For nannies with their own child. Do you think there might be an issue with the age difference of the children? Most of the nannies who've applied seem to have young babies (6 months or so). My own DS is 16 months, walking & running confidently. Do you think that's an acceptable age difference & the nanny will be ok to manage it? Also, do you feel there's an issue with the dynamics between the children? I.e. the nanny is one child's mum- would my DS potentially feel jealous? Would the nanny differentiate between the children? (I don't think so at all if it's the right person). I suppose again all this needs to be discussed beforehand (maybe at a ssecond interview).

In terms of treating their own child differently, that of course depends on the nanny. I know friends of mine who bring their own child to work have been so keen to absolutely not favour their own child that actually it tips the other way and their charge's needs are always put first!

As for age differences, I guess their are pros and cons for all kinds of combinations. I have one friend whose own child and charge were exactly the same age, which worked well as they were at the same stage with food, baby-proofing the house, doing the same activities - but they did need double the amount of equipment. Another friend had a baby a couple of years younger than her youngest charge, so it was more like just having a younger sibling who slotted into the older children's routines.

I think the age gap you describe sounds very workable. The activities eg:playgroups etc are likely to be similar. The 7 month will soon be mobile. Both children will sleep in the day giving each child some one on one time. When I went back to work Ds was about 10 months, his CM had a baby of 14 months, it worked brilliantly. I think a big deciding factor was the element of DS having a little freind, as he had one on one with me on the other days. Good luck. I you like the candidate you can always have a trial period, if it do'esnt work I think that will become apparent quite quickly.

I think same age or a gap of less than 3 years is very workable - a 5 year old and a small baby will tie down the older one.

As to how the nanny treats each child - when you have your own child at work with you, you are very careful not to favour one over the other. To some extent your own childs needs come 2nd as you are at work and being paid to look after the other child. If you get a nanny with experience she is more likely to know how to handle this well.

But then some older children may enjoy having a baby around - and nanny gets one on one time with the baby while the children are at school. School holidays and activities become a little more difficult though.