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Help me decide whether I'm being a lazy cow(ard)

14 replies

Moomin · 20/06/2005 13:46

I'm due with no.2 in October and dd will be just turned 4. She'll have started pre-school in Sept, 5 mornings a week.

At the moment I'm working 3 days a week and she goes to nursery 2 full days, a childminder 1 full day and nursery again for half a day while I do my school work. I hope to return to work in around May and do either 2 or 3 days week again. Baby will hopefully go to our childminder and dd will also go there after her pre-school for 2/3 afternoons.

In Sept/Oct I will obviously be on mat. leave and so theoretically we won't be needing our childminder again until I return to work in May. However, I am thinking about maybe asking the childminder to have dd for 1 afternoon a week when I have the baby, just so that I've got at least one full day with just baby and me. Also this may give dd the continuity of keeping in with our childminder, whom she adores, instead of having a complete 6 month break from her.

I need to write to our childminder very soon - pref tomorrow - to outline our plans as she needs to plan ahead as well. Am I being a wuss even considering using the childminder at this time? (Yes probably, but what do others think?)

OP posts:

aloha · 20/06/2005 13:48

Gosh no! My ds still goes to nursery two mornings a week and I wish it was more, because a/I need it for my sanity and b/it's good for him and he enjoys it.
Everyone I know keeps their kids in some childcare when they have another baby, for continuity, parental sanity and because they kids like the social life.
Will you be taking dd out of nursery?


gigglinggoblin · 20/06/2005 13:49

aslong as you can afford it i think its a brilliant idea. dd gets to see childminder so it wont be as hard for her to return when your mat leave finishes and you get a bit of time to play or sleep with baby. cant see any reason not to.


PiccadillyCircus · 20/06/2005 13:51

I currently work 7 days a fortnight and DS goes to nursery. When I start my maternity leave (DS2/DD due in September), he will keep going two days a week. This will give me some me time before small one comes and some mummy and baby time when small one comes.

You are not at all being a wuss (or if you are then so am I )


Moomin · 20/06/2005 13:53

Yes she'll stop nursery in the summer hols. The childminder is just round the corner so a lot more convenient. It's also a much more relaxed atmosphere than dd will be getting at pre-school, so she can unwind a bit and play with a few friends until I pick her up later on.

I must admit, though I also like the idea of having a whole day at a stretch - I remember being on mat leave when I had dd: meeting friends for coffee and just wheeling dd about in the pram. Mind you she was a very co-operative baby as far as mummy's social life was concerned and slept for England much of the time! I also got lots of sleep...ah, memories...

OP posts:

Marina · 20/06/2005 13:53

It gives HER some baby-free space too, which at four she is well-placed developmentally to appreciate, Moomin.
A lot of things will be changing in her life so keeping one positive constant will be helpful to you all.
Dd was born when ds turned four and in many ways it is a great age gap to have.
And doing the drop-offs and pick-ups from a very young age will mean that the baby will have some familiarity with your childminder's house too when the settling-in visits need to happen


lunavix · 20/06/2005 13:53

I'm a CM, and one of my mindees has been coming for two mornings a week, 4 hours a morning. Her mum is 5 months pregnant, and doesn't work, but wanted a little bit of breathing space at home whilst pg. She's having a bit of a hard time now with it too, so she's probably counting her blessings!!

The idea was that once the baby was born, I'd have the elder child for an extra morning, so 12 hours a week, so the mum had three mornings just to spend with the baby. However sadly they are moving away so I'll miss this

If you can afford it, why not? My mindee gets time with my ds who is her age, which she wasn'tgetting before, and the mum will probably love the time to get to know the new baby.


HellyBelly · 20/06/2005 13:54

I agree.

I think it's good for your dd that you spend quality time with the new baby so that when dd is at home, she can have her time without feeling pushed out (as a lot of siblings feel like this when no. 2 etc. comes along).

I say go for it (if you can afford to)!


HappyMumof2 · 20/06/2005 13:55

Message withdrawn


zubb · 20/06/2005 14:01

I work 4 days a week and ds1 goes to pre-school in the mornings and childminder in the afternoon, while ds2 is at the CM all say. When I'm on maternity leave from September both ds1 and ds2 will still be going to pre-school and childminder as usual. Never gave it a thought really (apart from finances) as it gives me the time with the new baby that I had with the other 2, and keeps ds1 and ds2 in their usual routine.


Moomin · 20/06/2005 14:14

I hadn't thought about dd needing time away from the chaos at home too! It's a very good point. It will be nice for her just be herself again in a secure environment and not be Big Sister for a while. Thanks ever so much for your replies so far; it's made things seem much clearer.

OP posts:

kcemum · 20/06/2005 14:15

I'd definatly say go for it. It gives your daughter some continuity and also gives you time with the baby alone, [email protected] also at that age where she will benefit herself from babyfree time.


SoftFroggie · 20/06/2005 20:09

Slightly alternative view: I took DS1 out of nursery when I started mat leave. He did one morning a week out with my PIL, which was my only baby-only time for 4 months. He now does 2 mornings at pre-school as well.

If you daughter is at pre-school 5 mornings you'll get plenty of baby-only time, just not a whole day. It doesn't seem a huge amount to me for a 3-4 yr old. I do see the points about continuity with the CM, which I'd rate highly, and that you want a whole day without her.

Does she have to do the 5 mornings at pre-school or could she have, say, fridays off for some time at home with you?

I see you want a whole day with the baby, but you'll be missing your whole day with DD. I've really enjoyed taking my 2 out on day outings, even with a tough 2 yr age gap.

However, this isn't supposed to be controversial - do what you want!


blodwen · 20/06/2005 20:13

As a childminder, I agree with all the above advice. As for the cost involved, presumably you will have to pay your cm a retainer anyway, so why not use the hours you are paying for?Definately better for the continuity of care reason, to name just one. I also say to parents that when no. 2 (or 3 or 4 or 5!) comes along, I am quite happy to have either child... not just time for mum and new baby to be alone, but for mum and firstborn too. This also helps the cm form a relationship with baby no. 2.
So no, you are not being lazy, just sensible!


hoxtonchick · 20/06/2005 20:18

i'm on maternity leave, about to have my second baby. ds is 3.4. he goes to nursery 2 days a week when i'm working and this will continue whilst i'm on leave. he loves nursery & i think it'll do him good to have baby free time. when i'm working he also spends one day a fortnight with my mil, which has stopped for now, so i'm actually having more time with him too. mil is going to take him swimming occasionally instead which they both enjoy.

basically, assuming you can afford it, i say go for it!

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