Help me , help a friend??

[TimeFlys]

A friend of mine has been a nanny for 6 years. She has currently been with her family for 6months looking after 8month old twins and a 5yr old and everything is going good with the little ones. However the 4 yr old makes things extremly hard for her. A 10min school run takes 50min as he just doesnt listen and she has to persaude him to go to school with her. She has spoken to her MB and she blames it on he is tired? But surely after 6months this isnt normal? Anyone been in the same position? suggestions?

Nope, haven't experienced that. Very hard to give any advice really as hard for you to give loads of details about the child, plus it helps to see it in action as it were.

Being firm and consistent tends to be the best policy I find when a child is being deliberately stubborn, or repeatedly doing something which they know and understand is wrong.

Also involving the child with care of siblings may help in this case, so he feels more part of the family. He is probably still feeling quite jealous of the twins as they get a lot of attention, thus he plays up to get attention.

Maybe he doesn't like school, doesn't want to go. That is whole other issue that will need to be looked at.

6 months, nope.

One of my charges started acting up when I started. He was testing me, seeing if I'd give in, whether I carried out the punishments I set (because let's face it anything handed down in the morning can be forgotten by after school) but when he realised that he had to go to school, I wasn't going to react the way he wanted, he was the one who was in trouble for being late and when I said no park after school I meant it. Having said that I am quite a firm, consistent, no-nonsense nanny and I don't take jobs where that kind of approach wouldn't be welcomed and backed up. He calmed down after a couple of months (there were other issues as well which needed dealing with and made mornings stressful).

When he went through a phase a few months later it wasn't him acting up to test me, he genuinely didn't want to go to school.

Is it just school that's a problem or is everything a battle? Has she tried talking to him about it as well as MB? Should he be going to bed earlier if MB thinks he's tired in the morning (obviously not her decision!)?

He constantly says he doesn't want a nanny to take him to school. On the school run he throws himself on the floor crying, will run in the other direction. I just feel sorry for my friend as she feels she is failing as a nanny as she told me she has tried everything! Including reward charts, naughty step etc. She is even thinking of handing her notice in as he punches and kicks her constantly. When she spoke to Mb she said her is still young and will grow out of it?

Reward charts... bin those, I never find them to work. Removing toys can work though depends on the child.

Is the mum at home? Is that why he's not wanting the nanny to take him to school?
Most of his class will be taken to school by their mum... it's just the way it is. However there may be some who aren't... some who are taken by a childminder, au-pair or nanny. So if your friend can identify those children, then it may be a way of helping him feel a bit less of an oddity.

Punches and kicks constantly isn't good. That needs to be dealt with very swiftly... by whatever method for that child will work. That may mean banning the tv, removing toys, time-out. Also trying to focus any anger he has appropriately may help, such as letting him thump a cushion when he's upset/angry about something... then once he's got the aggression out of his system he may then say what is bothering him.
MB needs to be supportive and needs to be firm on her DS when he is physically attacking your friend... not getting the impression that is the case. Is MB really not concerned about that behaviour?

Sounds like it could also be a safety issue with the running off, I would use a hand restraint, personally I don't like them but he will be unable to run off, and the idea is that if he learns to walk and behave he gets the restraint removed and then has to hold the buggy, or he could use a buggy board, much quicker and he should be unable to run off. She needs to be firm, tell him this is how it is until he can walk nicely, and heeps of praise when he walks well, especially passing the info on to mum as that should make him feel better about the relationship between him and the nanny.