Problems with nanny share

[Gangle]

I've posted about this before - just coming back for another moan! Our nanny is generally very good - have had issues with her not clearing up after herself and leaving the house in a state which have improved in recent weeks. My latest gripe though is that she is not splitting the costs of activities equally between the two families. We share with another family whose DC is the same age as ours - they go to clubs/activities most days which costs around £20 a week each. Problem is that the nanny always seems to ask me for money for this which I'm usually happy to give, however, a few weeks back she asked me for money the day before we went on holiday for a week. I gave her £20 which should have lasted DS for a week but then the day after we got back she asked me again for more money. I gave her more but when she asked the following week, I said, what happened to that £20? She got quite upsset and texted me later to tell me to take it up with the other family which I did and they agreed that they would pay once in a while but wondered where she would go for months without asking them! I told her she needed to ask each of us for equal amounts and that going forward each family should pay a fixed sum each month to cover all activities. However, have just given her another £30 today, meaning I have given her £62 this month already (and it's only 19th) when total costs for DS's activites are only £50. She also pointed out that next week is half term - it would be the other family's turn to pay that week and I guarantee that she won't ask them but just come back to me! Feel bit mean and pedantic but we already pay more as the nanny share is at our house for 3 days and the other house for 2 so are already picking up more of the running costs, plus other family have managed to work it out so that their DC gets picked up every day and dropped off some days too. What can I say to the nanny to sort this out without her getting upset and how do I stop the other family taking liberties? Just want things to be split equally. Moan over.

Should also add that I am 18 weeks pregnant with DC2 and trying to decide what to do with share long term. This is making me think that it's much better to have your own arrangment where you don't have to worry about who pays more and keeping things equal.

You need to take this up with the other family and not use your nanny as a go-between.

Agreed she should be watching what she spends in the kitty and if there's not the money there then she should be doing cheaper/free activities once in a while.

This is one of the problems in a nanny-share - often one family is easier to approach than another and it seems you're it!

I feel you need to come to an agreement with the other family. Nanny shouldn't need to ask either of you for the money... you should be giving it at the beginning of each week or each month.
If there are disagreements between you and the nanny, other family and the nanny, or between you and the other family with regard to what the money is being spent on, then you will need to get your nanny to keep a record of all spending for a period of time, so that you have an accurate record of where the money is going.
If nanny is starting work in your home at the beginning of the week, could you get the money off the other family prior to then, so that on the first day of the week you give the nanny both your share plus the other families share?

The issue isn't about her spending too much or the actitivites being too expensive. It's about me giving more than my share for DS and that being used towards the other child. Surely it is down to her to ask the other family to contribute their share and not use my share for both so that I am paying double? As I said, I have suggested that we both pay an equal amount on a monthly basis but this month I have already paid £65 for DS when his share is only £45 so I am overpaying, again.

You and the other family are jointly her employers, so I feel it's jointly up to you to administer the kitty. The nanny shouldn't really have to ask either of you for money.

Get it sorted between you and the other family and then give the nanny the right amount of money every Monday morning.

I would agree a budget with other family and expect nanny to stick to it.

Something like:

You each give her:
£10 per week in school time.
£20 per week in school hols.
You provide food at your house
Other fam provides food at their house.

I remember the pick up/drop off issue and that is something I wouldn't accept to be honest. I would be very firm about what I'm paying reflecting what I'm getting. But, I think this peice of advice might be a bit late for you.

It might be that having the extra baby is a natrual time to end this nanny share. I don't suppose the other family is also having another baby? If not, they too might want to end the arrangement.

Incidentally, I feel it is the nanny's job to ask the other family for equal amounts. A nanny who works a nanny share makes a bit more for the inconvenience of having two employers. This is but one example of that inconvenience for which she is presumably being paid a bit more already.

You could also set up an account for her to withdraw from whereby each employer makes a set monthly contribution and it is up to the nanny to manage her funds to get through each month and also plan for extra needed in school hols.

I would speak to the other family (directly not via nanny) and say you will both need to pay x amount per week into kitty (when we nannyshared we used a jam jar-nice and transparent) on the first Monday of the month. Give nanny a notebook to record what it's spent on if the other family have concerns. It does seem that yr nanny finds it easier to approach you than other family but ideally she shouldn't have to ask either for money.

we keep £20 in the kitty and each family tops it back up to £20 on alternate weeks. If we had set activities though i would want to split it evenly and maybe give the total once a month and keep a separate kitty for random stuff.