nannies & parents - could use your input pls on new nanny --sorry, very long

[theory]

We started a nanny share with our neighbors (two babies, around a year old) this fall, and although in some ways, the arrangment is working really well, we're having some problems communicating with the nanny. Or at least I think it's a communication problem?

Nanny is very kind and loving with the babies, friendly to us parents, and has a positive attitude overall -- all good. She has problems with time management, though, and we sometimes question her judgment. She's promised to call us and forgetten (when she'd been ill, to say whether she'd be coming to work the following day, for example). This week, she was late in coming home at the end of the day with the babies and didn't phone us with any warning. As it turned out, they were on a slow bus in rush hour, having been out all day at a friend's house about an hour away. (Friend has a baby, who was having a birthday party.)

I don't want be unfair-- she had our permission to go to this party, and she has gone to visit people in this area before. (She used to work there.) But I do wonder about her going out there for the whole day, coming home at rush hour...not to mention not calling! The little ones were exhausted, and we ended up waiting almost an hour.

What do you think of this? We've had a nanny before (for just our girl), and I never had to spell things out: "Yes, you can go to this party, but you must leave after two hours" or "you can meet your friends in your old area, but only twice a week" or "you must phone us by 9PM if you are ill"-- this feels demeaning. But her behavior so far makes me think that this is necessary. She's very apologetic when we point out the problems, but she doesn't seem to SEE the problems on her own. Thoughts on how to handle this? We like her and really want to make this work.

I think this nanny is out of her depth.

I looked after 2 six month old babies and at times I could have done with another pair of hands but tbh 2 babies are a lot easier than 2 toddlers in ways.

I think you need to seriously reassess this nanny.

agree with squiffy.i guess you pay her as a qualified professional and she is not acting like one.

She is 20, she`s got two sets of parens to keep happy and 2 babies to entertain for the day. I can see why she would be stressed.

She apologised for being late and her apology should be accepted. Have either of the children come to any harm whilst she is with them?

Who is her phone with? Maybe she needs to change provider because some phones dont have great coverage and crap signal strength when they do. Not everyone can jump the minute they are called if they dont get the call. I am a CM and ofter take my mindees to an indoor play area. I get no signal there so if a parent should call me and not get a response does that make me bad? Ive had parents that I couldnt reach for two hours when their child was sick.

Is she expected to be home at 5 every evening? Maybe it would be better to provide her with a small car so she isnt at the mercy of public transport. This would also make things easier with two babies.

Lastly if your not comfortable with a nanny who has no previous experience caring for 2 babies then why did you hire her in the first place? Have you tried looking after the babies yourself for the day. Have a day in her shoes and maybe you will be able to relate to her better and be more understanding of how she is feeling.

It is different though isn't it when a child care worker can't get hold of the parents...

We've had two young nannies and have had some examples of what you've experienced with each of them at times, but possibly not as bad. It sounds like she is learning on the job and at the age of 20 that's probably not unusual. If you are paying a top-dollar nanny rate then you are entitled to expect her to be able to be pretty unflappable and able to cope well with two babies. If you are effectively paying more of a trainee/junior nanny rate then you should expect to have to work with her a bit, give her guidelines and remind her if she's not following instructions etc, advise her/give her some tips on things that seem to work well with your child to overcome any difficulties she is having etc.

One point about the sleep times of the two babies - did they have different routines before she started and do the other parents or you follow a different routine on the days your nanny isn't working? If so that may be making it harder to settle them both into the same routine. It may be worth discussing this with the nanny and the other family to see if you can all agree to follow a similar routine with both babies.

The babies don't have to sleep at the same time. It would be nice for them to have one to one time with the nanny while the other baby sleeps.

but its nice to try and have at least hour+ childfree to sit down, have lunch,wee in peace

i always make sure my charges sleep together

Of course it is but it shouldn't be at the expense of the babies.

I've done a nanny share with 2 babies and even though I had lots of experience with babies it was really hard work. In my experience it is far harder than dealing with twins or siblings. The babies got upset by the other one crying, were not used to having to wait for food or cuddles and became incredibly jealous of each other, for example crying hysterically while the other baby was having a nappy change. Getting chores done (such as cleaning dining area) usually meant having both screaming at me, but I would get on anyway and do it because it's just a part of life. Maybe your nanny, being younger, gets very stressed by the crying? You might have to decide whether you want jobs done, or your child to spend less time crying.
If my 2 had not slept together for a couple of hours every afternoon I don't think I would have stayed in the job (I did, for 3 1/2 years). Actually I think it would be a good idea for both Mums to have a day with the 2 babies to see how much hard work it is. Wish I had insisted as my employers kept putting more and more demands on me without appreciating how full on the job was. Caring for one baby really is totally different.

agree both mums should have a day with both babies alone to know what it is like for the nanny

its so different having one who is used to being picked up at once or having double buggy rather than a single - esp as you said there is a lift but too small for a buggy (assume you mean double buggy)

but

saying that nannies are professionsla (hopefully) and CAN and SHOULD be able cope with 2 babies

does sound to me that your nanny isnt capable of looking after 2 babies

Agree it sounds like nanny may not have the experience and/or initiative to deal with two babies. What will she be like when they're toddlers and running in different directions?

Could she 'wear' one of them and have the other in a buggy? That would get round the lift problem.

On the sleeping point, even if the babies are usually sleeping at the same time when together they may keep each other up. One may fuss, the other will cry, nanny picks one up, the other ges jealous, one's not quite as tired and ready for a bit of play, other's really screaming because they're overtired....babies don't run like clockwork and it's a balancing act. Having said that I've never shared 2 babies - only done twins who were used to each other and still got disturbed.

Chores - sometimes they don't get done, especially if it's been a tough day. If it's consistent, though, then you need to work with her to find a way that she can fit it in.

Another chat is probably in order on Monday to see whether there's any way to make the job less stressful and give her some more guidelines. I'm sure it would work out, if you're willing to give her the guidance and time, but if you're questioning her judgement then it implies to me you don't really trust her and that, for me, is a non-starter.