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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Willl my cm think I'm mad?

18 replies

BlueSkyDay · 15/09/2009 12:12

My 9mo DS will be going to a CM for the first time next week and I was wondering what it's reasonable to ask of the CM in regards to his routine etc.

Is it reasonable to ask her to do BLW with him? Also, would it be disrupting if you were a CM to have the mum come breastfeed the baby at lunchtime? My DS hasn't taken milk from a bottle or cup from me or my partner so I've not left him longer than 4 hrs or so. He'll be with her 9-4pm.

I want to respect that the CM knows what she's doing but also want my little one to be happy. Anyone got any advice for a nervous first timer?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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RTKangaMummy · 15/09/2009 12:19

i have taken a baby to the mum at work for her to feed as she didn't have time to come to my house

but he was about 4 months old

9 months is a tricky age as it is the start of separation probs so it may be upsetting for the baby to have you appearing then disappearing again

I have with another baby given milk on a spoon as the mum wanted to stop feeding but baby wouldn't take cup or bottle ~ it was a very slow process but in the end he went over to cups

BUT ALL CHILDMINDERS ARE AS DIFFERENT AS ARE THE BABIES & MUMS & DADS

Good luck

BradfordMum · 15/09/2009 12:23

Personally, I wouldn't like it.
But all cm's are different.

dmo · 15/09/2009 13:34

i wouldnt mind as a childminder

the little boy i had, had to be spoon fed his breast milk till he was 14mths old (it took ages) but he wouldnt take a cup at all

dmo · 15/09/2009 13:35

sorry whats BLW?

danthe4th · 15/09/2009 13:46

I find it a bit odd that your baby is going to a cm next week and you haven't raised this with her. Personally I wouldn't mind if it fitted in with the daily routine especially at this time of year as we tend not to picnic at the farm park so often. But I would also send a cup and try to get the baby used to it for water etc. As a cm myself I think I would have preferred to have had any questions asked before the child started I would give her a ring and ask if you could pop round for a chat. I don't know what your situation is but why not start off with mornings only and extend the time when your baby will take a cup, at 9 months they could last the day without a feed as long as they are eating well, mind you not sure about you, perhaps you should change your routine so it fits in more with childcare.

HSMM · 15/09/2009 13:47

I had a Mum coming to feed her little one in her lunch breaks, which was fine by me, but was sometimes upsetting for her DD. Sometimes children do different things with different people, so it is possible that your DS would take a bottle of expressed milk from the minder, even though he wouldn't touch it with you????

Original poster

BlueSkyDay · 15/09/2009 14:01

thanks for the opinions.

dmo, BLW is baby-led weaning.

I'm taking my son for a settling in afternoon this week so will have a chat to her then.

OP posts:

AvadaKedavra · 15/09/2009 16:51

I wouldn't mind in the slightest

energetic · 15/09/2009 17:18

I think you have left it a bit late to sort this out. Also I am surprised you only seem to be having one settling in afternoon with such a young child. I used to be a childminder and would have had several visits with prospective parents and children before they were left for a whole day. Usually starting with them visiting for a coffee a few mornings. Then leaving the baby for a couple of hours, working up gradually over a couple of weeks or more to a full day. This gave both parties a chance to get to know each other really well and let the parents feel comfortable enough to be able to discuss these sorts of things with me.
Maybe I am out of date with how things are done now but most af the children and their parents still keep in touch with me 25-30 years later I must have done something right

littlestarschildminding · 15/09/2009 17:57

I would love my mums to do BLW...much easier than spoon feeding!!

I personally wouldn't like you to come in to feed during the day...would be too disruptive to our daily routine. If you breast feed am and pm and baby is eating well at mealtimes he shouldn't really need breast milk...he may as others have suggested take a cup or bottle from the cm even if he wont for you.

Hope it all goes well for you

geraldinetheluckygoat · 15/09/2009 18:02

I wouldnt have minded when I was a childminder as long as it didnt upset the child....although it might limit what we were able to do in the day as we used to have lunch out at the park etc in the summer and with another childminder in the winter. I think try a cup, it will be less running about for you and probably as other people have suggested, less unsettling for your ds.

thebody · 15/09/2009 20:54

It depends how many other children she minds and what their routine is. It might be difficult for her to juggle your lunchtime visit and also surely it would upset your child for you to leave him twice in one day.

If he is eating well then I would let the lunchtime feed slip, thats the goal in the end anyway isnt it, less breast or bottle and more solids..

Hope you work it out as it may be tough for you. Best of luck..

leeloo1 · 16/09/2009 22:30

I visited several nurseries with a friend this week and all of them (when we explained what it was) were amenable to the idea of BLW. As a CM my baby is BLW and my mindee started off with mostly purees - except she wants to eat what my baby has so we are converting introducing her to finger foods now. Sorry the point of that was that as a CM you do what the parents are comfortable with, even if its not what you'd choose yourself.

Not sure I'd like a parent visiting at lunchtime, as it'd disrupt my routine a bit and mean we'd have to be in and having lunch at a certain time and I'd feel tied to the house. Guess it'd depend how long it was going to go on for (i.e. maybe ok for 1st week, but after that... )

HSMM · 17/09/2009 07:58

Also (to add to my previous post), with the Mum coming over at lunch time to feed, I had to make sure her DD was awake. If she was just starting to get tired 15 mins before Mum was due, what should I do? If she was getting really hungry half an hour before, should I offer her a bottle? This was not in the best interest of the child, but we managed. I always bear in mind that although I love them all to bits, they are NOT my children, they are their parents children.

maggi · 17/09/2009 20:41

I know another cm who really struggled with this issue. She had no notice that the mum was breast feeding until the mum reappeared at lunch time on the first day (mum had left bottles). The relationship was very tense with mum demanding other mindees be taken out of the room and then later demanding the other mindees be put down for a nap before she arrived so that her child wasn't distracted by their noise. Mum began to demand certain toys were out of the room as these distracted the feeding child. The mum arrived anywhere in a hour slot which she informed the cm of but phoned to change the times during the morning.

So my cm friend tried really hard to accommodate the mums wishes. SOmetimes it meant she cancelled outings or couldn't join us on ours. She has a lovely garden to burn off the energy of the others - luckily. She did have to have serious 'chats' with the mum at times because the mum was a really really really poor communicator. But she has made it work.

There are lovely cms out here if you give us a chance to be - so talk to us.

ThingOne · 17/09/2009 20:47

I went back to work 9-3 when my DS1 was nine months old. He didn't do bottles either. He obviously had a feed as soon as he could but he was fine.

Many babies sleep that long at that age, so they can go quite a while without a milk feed as long as they are happy to drink water.

I really wouldn't go back in for a feed at lunchtime. I think that would be too disruptive for your son.

thebody · 18/09/2009 15:30

Maggi I think the mum behaved disgracefully.

How dare she dictate where the mindees play and when they sleep.. their parents would have been furious I am sure if they knew that the cm was favouring one mums wishes to such an extent.

I would have given her short shrift and probably notice.

Parents pay me to organise their childrens routines and all are treated equally and fairly amazed the cm stood for this behaviour in the first place.

Missuseff · 21/09/2009 22:42

I do think you were being a wee bit optimistic if you've only got one settling in day but that's neither here nor there PLUS nobody tells you these things, right??

I didn't go back to work until my DS was nearly 10 months and he, like yours, refused a bottle so I was really anxious about would he be thirsty, what would he do, should I go & nurse him midday... plus we did BLW (yay!)and the CM had never heard of it so I did her a sort of briefing sheet about it. I also didn't get too stressed (ha ha! okay, I tried not to, anyway) about how he took in food when he was in her care as long as he was eating; I didn't see it as her job to absolutely replicate all of my parenting choices and frankly, I didn't want her to try.

So... to mitigate this, we got him drinking out of a Doidy (those slanty) cup and through straws, and she was fine with supporting that - there are loads of options in the bigger shops for cups.

At first I really wanted to go and nurse him midday but realised that it wouldn't be fair on him or the overall setting - there was another little girl, slightly older, who got very upset when I collected my DS and always began weeping for her mother - this stressed out my DS and probably the CM. Plus after a few days he didn't seem to mind - he learnt to nurse the heck out of me when we got home but also started weaning towards night & more pigouts and within a month wasn't really nursing in the day much anyway (he nursed until he was 2 with little night/morning feeds so it certainly didn't interrupt our nursing).

Also with the BLW I sent easier stuff - so not the "hardcore" stuff like carrot sticks, etc. Again - for me, I wanted to be sure that he had 100% attention when he was negotiating tricky foods and so I left that to when he was at home & sent slightly squooshier stuff along for his lunch because I wanted to find a flexible way forward that didn't ask too much of her but still fitted into our family's style of parenting & food.

I hope it's all going well so far!! Just wanted to reply to show that it can work but also to show the CMs on here that some of us parents with particular parenting styles can be very flexible & work in partnership, too!

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