Tips needed on getting the best out of AP.....

[booreeve]

Hello,
I'm an AP virgin, and finally took the plunge. Our new AP started on Saturday, she's 21, French and has looked after kids before, and comes from a large family. She was super shy, and has slowly been coming out of her shell. Her English is ok, but I'm billingual French English so communicating hasn't been an real issue.
I've given her a manual which she went through, have shown her round, gone and registered at language school, and she seems fairly happy - BUT doesn't seem remotely interested in DS who is 2.
I work from home, so I'm around much of the time so I don't know if that's not helping. She just doesn't seem to engage with him at all, doesn't seem terribly willing to play with him etc...and I'm not sure what to do. She's previously been looking after 2 little girls who are 4 and 6 after school everyday for a year, so I thought she might be a bit more clued-up about how to play with kids.
I'm not too sure what to do about it. Am I just being impatient, and will it just get better over time? Am just worried that she'll never bond with him, and he'll just take advantage of her and be a terror.
Any advice? I've tried to encourage her to play with him, and set-up the train set so they could play together - tried to do puzzles etc....but she barely speaks to him or anything - help!

Booreeve,how did your chat go? are you getting another one?
Im having probs getting another,maybe because my heart really is not in it...plus whenever i get an application they always sound like the ones on here causing probs..such as 21yr old french girl with lots of brothers and sisters
Or German girl already in uk who wont let me speak to previous family!

Hi Totallyfloatty....well we had the dreaded chat on Thursday night. DH and I thought we'd be nice and gentle about it, but she then started to argue back at us (I almost lost my rag and was on the point of listing my enormous list of her crimes) but DH diverted her.....we said she could stay and try and find another family, or go home, but she said she wanted to find another family as she really wanted to get her English up to scratch. She's still here - and is going to interviews, which on the one hand is great, however she's started getting picky about who/where she'll work (we're in London) and has already turned down a job I'm desperate to get rid of her, and will ask her to give to tell us tonight/tomorrow what her movements are otherwise we'll book her a flight hom next week. Am just worried that she'll accept a job that doesn't start for another week and then I'm stuck with her in the house.
I think I've found a replacement, but until this one tells me when she's off - I'm a bit screwed. In the meantime I still don't trust her with DS so don't want her to work for us next week, but it then means that it'll be another week of my not being able to get my own work done, let alone settling in a new AP! Arrrrgggghhhhhhh

one of the worst thinga about having au pairs that don't work out is having them in the house once you've told them to leave.

It's one of the reasons we stopped having au piars.

Our good ones were very good but the bad ones were awful!

Booreeve - have you offered to give her a reference for her next family?

No we haven't offered a reference - and I doubt she'd ask TBH....

As horrid as this sounds - do you have to have her in the house while she's waiting for a job to begin? Surely you can say - you can stay till x date - then we will either fly you home that day, or you will have to move out.

I was thinking that she will find it hard to get another au pair job without a reference from you - mind you if someone has already offered her one (which she turned down) there must be some foolish families out there!
Hope she's off soon and your next one is great.

She doesn't sound as though she is a good person to leave your ds with. What did you make of her criticisms of you?

The main thing to me seems to be that your little boy doesn't like her, so you need a better arrangement and possibly should consider a part-time nanny while you all recover.

Considering he was allowed up the flight of stairs on his own when she should have been looking after him, I reckon that is grounds enough to boot her out straight away. I have known reputable families that have booted au pairs out quicker for less.

maybe she is not saying that she has been asked to leave by a family or even pretending she is not here yet.Is she on Aupair world? can you put her initals on here so we can avoid thanks

Well she's got a reference from another family - she used to look after young children everyday after nursery/school so Im sure she'll be offering that.
She has 2 more interviews today, and is due to hear back from another one she had this morning so fingers crossed we'll be rid super soon. I've said to her that if she hasn't found a new family by the end of the weekend we'll book her a flight next week. But of course the new family might wish for her not to start for another weeks or so......
As for her arguing back at us during the "firing" she said that during the meltdown (when he came up the stairs unsupervised) he wasn't listening to her and she claims that he hit her (hmmmm not sure whether to believe her or not) to which I replied that it was lucky that this had happened at home whilst I was in - what happens if he were to ever behave like that again and they were in the park, or home alone - how was she going to manage then? And she is the boss when on duty and if she couldn't show the correct level of responsability and maturity to handle this sort of situation than I was left with no choice but to have to get rid as DS's safety is paramount. She had no reply to that, but then said she'd thought she'd done a good job the day before and that with the last set of kids she looked after they hated her for the first month and then it was fine!!!!!
I originally found her on Aupair World, however she's not on there anymore....

OMG what is her next family in store for?

waves at DTG - pleased to hear your AP problems resolved.
[please forgive hijack}