Nanny running personal errands while on duty

[bookien]

Here is what happened this morning in my household (3 children, 2 in school, one baby):

I was discussing plans with my nanny, who said she planned to take the baby out in the morning. I asked her to please take the oldest child out also, as the middle child had a playdate and I wanted her to be able to play at home without her siblings (you know how it is, by the end of the summer they have seen enough of their siblings). The middle child and her playdate would be watched by the housekeeper. I mentioned the idea of taking the older child & baby to a local museum (something fun for the child as only 2 days left to school start), but left exact plans up to our nanny.

In the middle of the day, my older child calls me to complain that he is bored, and explains that the nanny took him and the baby on a long bus ride across town to a bank to wait for a long time. That was the outing. I got home and asked the nanny how everything was. No mention of the outing until I specifically asked, at which point she mumbled something about helping a friend at the bank and having to go today as the bank was closed yesterday (the bank holiday).

This comes after another incident a few weeks back, where I left my middle child and baby with the nanny around 10am, suggesting they go to a nearby playground for some fresh air and exercise. Instead I found out later from the middle child that they went to Marks & Spencer to buy the nanny a dress.

I have had this nanny for many years, I have a lot of faith in her, but recently I have felt she just cares less.

So my question is:

• Am I justified in saying this behavior is unacceptable? I am usually lenient regarding personal errands, but this seems like too much.

• What do you do when a long time staff member starts disengaging? When do you give up and decide its time to move on (much harder question, I know....)

You hardly need to set foot in a bank to pay in a cheque!

well you at least need to get to the bank to use the machine outside... the errand is the journey there etc too, not just the bit inside the bank!
What if the bank phoned you and said 'theres been some suspicious activity on your account. Please could you come in and see us to sort things out?' Would you say 'yes, but not in the next 6 weeks'?

Hi Bookien
My nanny does do some personal errands - like the bank - but she always let me know before hand. Sometimes she has had to do soemthing last minute (pick something up from home that she forgot etc) again she told me when I got home and I think this is fine - as long as it is planned around exisiting pre-arranged activites for the children , and she is open about telling me where my children have been.
Usually the children enjoy the trips - they normally make an event of it by going for an ice-cream or something nice!
I do however, draw the line at personal shopping - this can be doen at the weekend/ days off /after working hours.

There are at least 10 ATMs within a ten minute walk of my apartment - wherever I want to go I go past them.

And you can deal with suspicious activity on the telephone and by email, you know!

I do my own and my bosses personal errands with charges in tow - but I'd draw the line at clothes shopping (unless maybe I just had a baby who had fallen asleep in the buggy and I was killing time). Maybe your nanny has got too used to just having a baby at home? I would also feel a bit miffed with my boss giving me too many specific instructions for how to organise my day though.

Depends on your motivation for hiring nanny. SAHMs or those with part-time nannies perhaps don't expect children to have to travel or hang around waiting for errands but employ nannies soley to add child-centred experiences/attention without life's boring bits (maybe paralleling real life of some SAHMs!), whereas full time working parents often seem more relaxed about errands/real life, as nanny effectitly replaces parent's role for the day.

Your nanny must know that the children report back their day. I think its absolutely appropriate to tell nanny 'don't go dress shopping'. However i agree that bank trips might be necessary sometimes and it doesn't seem like there was much/any notice of having to take older child with her.

Since you have kept her for so long you must value/respect your nanny enough not just to give up on her without first talking your concerns through and seeing if things improve. I do find it odd though and would not like it myself that you regularly suggest how and when activities will be organised, especially obvious playground trips/playdates.

Despite not indulging your child i hope bookien that you don't severely discourage your child from calling or saying how they feel. For them to feel they can communicate with you and that you will listen to what they consider important (whatever that is) is valuable for both of you.

Funny how experiences differ: ime staffed households' housekeepers would be asked to do things by nannies (perhaps to do with likely level of education).

bookien you sound entirely reasonable to me.

I would ask her our for a coffee/lunch/drink and be completely open and honest with her. Ask her how she is feeling about the job because you have noticed she has lost her mojo slightly and perhaps you can work together on whatever is bothering her.

Good luck.

Hi, Ive been a nanny for 6yrs and when I have sole care for a child if i need to go to the bank or pick up anything at the shops i always always try to do something for the child after. for example, a soft play or save time to go to the park on the way home. i think its really important to do this, and if, for whatever reason, i cant fit something in for the child i feel ever so guilty! (on the child) I am always honest to the parent and usually txt when im out to see if they need anything, and i always write down in a diary what i have done that day. I only go to the shops if i need to and i definately dont go if there is another practical time i can go, say on the weekend or on a day off. i think you should definately say something.trust me you should say something otherwise it will just keep brewing and as a nanny myself i always prefer the parent to say something rather than be unhappy. she should have def asked you first and really if a parent asks me to take children somewhere i do, unless i have other plans for them (child related plans!) and i ask if thats ok.

keep us posted!

Bookien - I would be annoyed if I had a nanny doing these things. Dress shopping absolutely a no no. The bank - I still think that she should let you know first especially because you asked her to take them to the museum, also could this not have waited until the kids were back at school? Also, I find it entirely reasonable that you make suggestions what she might do with the children: they are YOUR children and YOU pay the nanny. Also, I would expect a nanny to provide quality time for all the children, including the baby. Not sure if that happens if she thinks that she can do her things when she is just with the baby. I myself would be quite concerned in such a situation, but then again I strongly favour a child centred approach especially if you pay someone to be with your children. From what you are saying, you might be better off with a good au pair as long as the housekeeper is also present (I wouldn't leave a young child solely in the care of an au pair - but would like to have an adult around just in case).
Anyway, good luck.
Good luck