Moving out of the area: when do I tell our nanny?

[HolidaysQueen]

So we've just had an offer accepted on a new house and if all goes well we'll be moving 60 miles away and we will have to let our nanny go.

When should I tell her?

On the one hand, things could all collapse the day of exchange and if I've told her before, she could have a new job lined up and we have no childcare, or she could just hand in her month's notice when I tell her and we're left with no childcare before we move.

But on the other hand, if I wait until we've exchanged, then I sort of feel like she has had no warning of us leaving and suddenly has a month to find something new.

The complicating factor is that she works for us 3 days a week at the moment, and lost her 2 day a week job in June. She has taken the summer to enjoy those two days, but is thinking about looking for work on the other 2 days in the autumn. We would probably move later in the autumn and I'd hate for her to lose out on the opportunity of getting a 4-5 day a week job out of loyalty to us, only to then find she needs to find a job for the 3 days a week we're giving up.

Am I being soft to be worried about this, and should I just wait until exchange and then give her the month's notice without worrying? WWYD?

TBH at 16 months children are very resilient and soon adapt.

frAKKINP - I have read through this twice and can't see where you have quoted your quote from and I would be interested to read the whole thing.

AtheneNoctua Wed 19-Aug-09 16:44:57 - second paragraph. Nothing to do with the OP at all.

Thank you FPIAG

AN - what happened?

thanks llareggub (by the way i've always loved your username ) - i'll check that site out.

thanks all. i think my plan is to wait a week or two to check that everything is running smoothly and that solicitors are starting to do their job, surveys are done etc., and then tell her as that will be when she starts looking for another part time job, so i think it only fair to tell her then.

tbh, my only worry about moving is losing her as she is such a wonderful nanny and my ds is so happy with her. we were so lucky to find someone so great, and i'm really worried that we won't be able to replicate that in our new town!

As she is such a wonderful nanny and has taken such good care of your DS I think you should show her some respect and consideration and tell her your plans now.

little misstuffett - are you implying if i wait even a couple of weeks then i won't be showing her any respect perhaps i should have consulted her before we even put the house on the market, or before we even thought about moving just to see if she was okay with that?

thanks all for your input - was a bit surprised that pretty much everyone thought i should tell her now - i assumed it would be much more evenly split as several people in RL were of the 'wait until the last possible moment and just give her a month's notice' but i was a little uncertain about that which was why i posted here to see if i was being a bit silly trying to be nice about it. i am definitely not telling her now - i need to see proof that this chain is moving forward first. but your advice has confirmed that i should probably go with my instinct and tell her before the official month's notice, which i will do.

Don't ask opinions and then get sarcastic if you don't like someone answering you in a perfectly pleasant way as I did.

You are worried about your DS's emotional well-being but you should also be concerned about your nanny's economic well-being in this recession. She will understand the stages involved in a house purchase/move (and if she doesn't then you can explain them to her) so give her the information and then you can work together for the good of your son and your nanny.

Sorry - I was just a bit annoyed as I took your comment as implying that I'm not showing her any respect by waiting even a little while.

The fact that I respect her is the whole reason I was writing on here in the first place. I could have just said "well her notice is a month and that's what she gets" and never bothered to ask on here. But by posting on here to see if my feeling that that wasn't the right way to go was indeed not the right way to go, and ask advice on the best way to balance out her needs with the (ultimately more important to me) needs of my family, I seem to be being told that if I don't tell her right now then I am clearly morally wrong and disrespectful. Just a little hard to take that's all, when I could have just said "sod her, i'll just give her the month" without thinking about a fairer alternative.

Anyway, you've all convinced me that I was right to think I should tell her sooner. It won't be right now but it will definitely be well in advance of the month's notice period. Thanks everyone

HQ I think it is interesting to compare what you have written here to the attitudes of the OPs on this thread and this one too.

How are you going to answer the question from your nanny 'why didn't you tell me sooner'?

In my experience people react better to uncertain situations when they are told as much as possible as early as possible. If they are good employees (and they trust you as a good employer), you will work together to make the best of an unfortunate situation. If you all start looking at the contract and deciding that your legal rights and obligations are more important than your relationship as employer and employee (and as family and carer), nobody will end up happy.

If she finds out later you waited a while before telling her she might go anyway as she feels hurt. I know I did but I stayed as I loved the child and liked the parents. didn't stop me feeling hurt though.

just make sure she doesnt find out by estate agent ringing home about something or leaving a message on the ansaphone

house sales can go through really fast, so it is possible as you have sold, that you could be moving in 8weeks time .......

you do really need to broach the subject soon - having a nanny is so different from working in an office - you have that personal connection

as bakersgirl said - i would be very hurt if i found out my family were moving and hadnt said anything to me - if anything it shows a lack of respect