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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

need advice from both nannies & employers please!

41 replies

starmucks · 03/07/2009 21:03

We hired a new nanny who started with us three weeks ago. So far everything seemed fine, our son is relaxed with her and she's fairly pro-active around the house. Yesterday she had a hospital appointment which took all day. As she'd flagged this when she started, we didn't think much of it. Then this morning she informed us that she's going to need an operation which will probably be in the next two months and will need a month off to recupperate. She said she was sorry as she thought she would only need two weeks off. So clearly she knew it was coming for some time.

Shouldn't she have told us about the possibility of this when she accepted the job? I'm feeling very pissed off with her to be honest and am not sure how to take things going forwards. She's still in her probationary period, so technically we could simply say it's not going to work out and all move on. The thing is I'm due with DC2 in two weeks and it took 3 months to find someone suitable in the first place. I'm not sure we could deal with the stress and hassle involved in hiring someone new. On the other hand, our previous nanny had health issues and ended up being totally unrealiable which was equally stressful. I normally work FT.

Any suggestions on what we should do?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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frAKKINPannikin · 06/07/2009 21:54

Golly.

That's not really what you were expecting.

I do, however, think you need to really clarify things with her ASAP.

Original poster

starmucks · 06/07/2009 21:55

To put it mildy! I don't want to judge though and it must have been really hard to tell a woman who's 38 weeks pregnant.

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frAKKINPannikin · 06/07/2009 22:11

Poor you and poor her.

It's developing into a really awkward situation and the last thing you want to do is pry, but at the same time I can totally see that you need to know what's going on and know you have reliable childcare.

Original poster

starmucks · 06/07/2009 22:11

At the moment I feel I like my hands are tied after that piece of news. Probing on her other health issue almost seems insensitive now, although I will have too. I'll just have to take a softly, softly approach. What I do know is that I can't face starting a new search process, and I'm just hoping that the emotional ramifications of her recent experience don't hit her once the new baby arrives.

OP posts:

AtheneNoctua · 06/07/2009 22:22

Wow, nothing quite like changing the subject. I don't know if telling someone you barely know something so personal is really a sign that your okay with it. Feel sorry for her obviously, but it's a difficult line somtimes to draw between being kind to your employee and making sure your needs are met which is after all what you pay her for.

I think giving it a day or two to digest before you raise the subject again is probably a good thing. But, do raise it again and find out what exactly is wrong with her (assumin it is legal to ask such thngs -- I don't know if it is or not).

frAKKINPannikin · 06/07/2009 22:27

Well my advice would be:

sit her down, with a cup of tea if necessary
say something like "I really wasn't expecting what you said yesterday, I hope you're feeling okay. I know this might seem insensitive and I apologise but we do need to talk..."
list your issues in a very matter of fact way, with closed questions to which she can answer yes or no
take notes
review your situation

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/07/2009 22:48

wow - that must have come out of the blue!!!

def seems a strange thing to say to your new and very pregnant employer

by saying that you will be paying her ssp,the nanny prob assumes that you still want to employ her

so now you need to find out when her operation is and then to try and book a temp nanny in for that time BEFORE you go into labour with all this info thats floating round your head!!

AtheneNoctua · 11/07/2009 15:15

How are things now?

Original poster

starmucks · 13/07/2009 22:24

Hello - have been nursing my cankles so haven't posted for a while. Well any attempts to gain clarity on her health issues have illicited a lot of hot flushes but not much new information. I decided to go with softly, softly approach given her recent traumas, but to be honest I'm not sure any other technic would have been more successful. I guess talking about bowel problems can be a very embarrassing situation for some people. She doesn't seem to have a clear picture of what is wrong/why the surgery is neccessary, other than part of her bowel will have to be removed. She says that she's been having problems for years, but until that hospital appointment, didn't know what treatment would follow. As of yet, there is no date for surgery which seems to be causing her much anxiety.

I did however manage to chat to her about what will happen while she's recupperating. I said that we would need temp coverage, and that we would be unable to pay her anything other than SMP. Oddly, she seemed more comfortable with the SMP than the idea of a temp replacement. I have no family here, and my MIL, as much as I love her, drives me nuts. And being realistic, I am going to need help. Still she seems put out by it.

It's far from an ideal situation, but with 1 week to my due date, I can't start another search process.

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AtheneNoctua · 14/07/2009 13:13

What a mess. I bet you'll ask for a detailed health record on the next nanny.

Is she live in? Are you going to keep her or let her go? I imagine the longer you keep her the harder it will be to let her go.

Original poster

starmucks · 14/07/2009 20:33

Yep, it is a total mess. We are going to keep her for the moment but I really don't see her staying in the long term. She's live-in during the week, and then has a room in a shared house which she goes to at the week ends which is about 3 miles from where we live. She actually broached the subject of being live-out this week too! The goal-posts are forever being changed. Post-op she'll go to her parents, and I suspect that the recovery period will probably be longer than the four weeks she suggested. I've too much going on at the moment to start tearing my hair out about it. I do seem to know how to pick 'em.

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HarrietTheSpy · 14/07/2009 21:08

Starmucks
When I first read your post I was convinced it was a former nanny of ours who disclosed she had a health problem at interview but it was not clear it was much more serious than she represented.Plus she had another serious health problem which she'd been dealing with for over two years, again not disclosed. They were the sort of problems which would affect a person's fitness to look after an active young child. Hosp appointments, then off sick for a period of time etc. I was also heavily pregnant by that point and it was the last thing I needed. Thankfully for various reasons we were on a fixed contract and the relationship came to a natural end.

Sorry but that whole thing: "Ask what YOU can do to support HER through this difficult time, etc." Bullocks. You're 38 wks pregnant. You hired someone to help you, and if you don't feel you are in the position to offer someone else support through their issues, I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

Given some of the things she's said to you overall, I think she is sounding worryingly flaky. You don't need it, esp if you have a limited maternity leave, I would be really resenting that my time off with my family was being disrupted by this. I would be looking for an exit strategy here.

frAKKINPannikin · 14/07/2009 21:09

When is she going? You might be able to find a temp replacement via MN, especially if you can offer live in which might ease the pressure a little!

Original poster

starmucks · 14/07/2009 22:02

She is a bit of a flake, there's no doubt about it. And so far we have no news on when she'll be having surgery. DH and I have spent more time on the subject than is frankly healthy. Best case scenario is that post op, she continues to push the "live-out" discussion and we tell her that it's just not possible and that maybe she should look for another position. It may be the case that she decides not to come back; this may have been a stop gap position while she gets her heatlth in order. Who knows.

On the temp front, posting here is a good idea. I am going to our ex-nanny first about it. A big part of her leaving was that she wanted to go part-time so she could sort her own health problems out. We're in touch every couple of weeks and I know that she's been struggling to find something suitable. Having a "known" person around would be good - at least I'm fully attuned to her strenghts and weaknesses.

Retrospectively, the posting by mranchovy is funny. It is total bollocks and if the purpose was to make me feel guilty, its impact was the complete opposite. After that I really wanted to can her!

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AtheneNoctua · 15/07/2009 14:07

"a bit of a flake"? a bit????

She is content free.

Maria2007 · 15/07/2009 19:26

I'd be looking for an exit strategy too if I were you. And sooner rather than later. I do understand that it's a huge hassle to interview new people etc atm, when you're about to give birth, but maybe your husband or a good friend can help you with that? Or you can find temp cover (as the others suggested) for a month or 2, during which time you can do a few interviews?

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