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Problem with Second Childminder - Advice needed

7 replies

mumtochloe · 11/05/2005 16:16


I posted a year ago about my childminder whose house was filthy and who left our then 2 year old DD by the side of a busy road while she "popped" back into her house to fetch something.

Well she is history and we have been using another one for about 6 months now. She is Ofsted registered, good with our DD and has a lovely clean house. The problem is I am not sure I like her or some things she has done lately.

On one hand she is great - she bakes with dd, she always has lots of children so lots of company for DD and is always giving DD lots of pressies such as clothes, balls, stationary etc. However she seems to undermine my authority a lot. DD attends a nursery attached to a school. A month ago she told me she hadn't taken her that day because she had 2 babies coming for a trial which I let go. However last week she didn't take DD again and never even told us - we only found out because DD told us they were in Tesco's and didn't have time. WTF? We bought DD a lovely sheepskin coat for winter and the CM gave her a hand me down from another child which is ok but we use it only when the coat we bought her is being washed. Yesterday morning DD said that CM calls it her horrible coat and is always asking why she is not wearing the one she gave us. Also she sometimes does DD's hair in a certain style and one morning I tried to do it. When CM saw it she started saying to DD that mummy couldn't do her hair as well as she can and she would do it again when DD was at her house.

I haven't said anything yet because I hate confrontation. Also we live in a very small town where all the CM's meet once or twice a week in each others houses. If we haven't got on with two of them will we have given ourselves the labels of difficult parents? I don't think we are being unreasonable and we need a CM otherwise we can't work and bills won't get paid. We are already in debt and don't want to find ourselves in the situation where we can't find child care. Should we let it go as DD loves this CM and we have no qualms about her safety or should we say something and risk us having to find someone else?



OP posts:
Mud · 11/05/2005 16:19

talk to her nicely she sounds like she's overstepping the mark tell her you love her and think she's fabulous but wanted to discuss a couple of things that are making you uncomfortable

no childminder should ever say they do things better than mummy - but it might be a weird attempt at humour (she sounds like a granny rather than a paid for childcarer)

koalabear · 11/05/2005 16:19

hug, bump

koalabear · 11/05/2005 16:20

actually, she sounds like my MIL - always in competition to show to her grandchildren that she is better and more loved than their mother

feelingold · 11/05/2005 16:29

I am a childminder and my philosophy is that parents are the most important people in a childs life and should never be undermined or portrayed in a negative way to my mindees (even though sometimes I do not agree with some things they may say or do, I do respect their wishes).
As for not taking your dd to nursery, this is absolutely disgraceful and the only time I would say that this is acceptable is if there was some kind of emergency. I would never arrange to have a trial for new children that interfered with my mindees routines, that is not fair on them.
I would talk to your childminder and politely say that you do not want your dd to miss nursery again and that you would appreciate it if she did not undermine you as you do not want to have to take your dd out of her care because she likes being there. If you can not talk to her then I do not think she is the right cminder for you, as I think it is as important to have a good relationship with my mindees parents as it is to have a good one with my mindees.
Good luck and your childminder is in the wrong and I would not call you a 'troublemaker'.

Diddle · 11/05/2005 18:46

I agree with feelingold, I am a childminder too, and she is out fo order, i would have a polite word with her explaining the issues you have, and if in future she carries on or reacts badly to you speaking to her by not respecting your wishes then she's not the right childminder for you.

mumtochloe · 12/05/2005 17:34

Thanks everyone. I know I need to say something - guess I just needed some reassurance.

Interesting some of you said she sounds like an interfering Granny - she is a mature lady so I think you hit the nail on the head there!

Thanks xx

OP posts:
AnnaInManchester · 12/05/2005 18:47

I would definately have a problem with my childminder if she allowed my child to miss nursery for such trivial things. Maybe see if anything happens again, and the moment it does, just tell her you dont want your dd missing nursery or you don't want her underminding you, especially as dd likes going to her and you like her, but if it happens again you will have to make other childcare arrangements.

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