Am I silly to be upset over this?

[hollynanny]

I am going away with the family I work for to help out at their wedding. I`ve been working for them for almost two years now.

Theyve booked me into a really crap room at a nearby hotel- it doesnt even have a bathroom attached to it- I need to walk down the corridor to reach the public bathroom shared by a few other rooms. Most of the other rooms at the hotel do have en suites.

I haven`t been invited to the actual cermony or reception either.... am I just being silly and taking it far too personally? I know I probably am...just makes me feel a bit under appricieated.

Am alone in having the impression , perhaps wrongly, that the Hollynanny's hotel may be a different one to where the Reception and family/other guests will be staying.

Oh yes, here we have it. A nanny is entitled to be an employee when it suit sher. But, when it doesn't "oh but I'm hurt I thought I was one of the family". I hear nannies harping on and on all the time about their employment rights. Oh, but now, she's not just an employee....

Which is it?

Sofia, you know I love you, but California has softened your right side. What happened?

Liz, I got that impression too. But, it's a tad late to be having these doubts. Presumably she has had a conversation with the parents who asked her to join them, cited the terms, and she accepted. So I think she's crying poor me a little too late.

I don't think that treating your nanny with respect and courtesy erodes the employer employee relationship. I also feel that by the very nature of the job, the relationship between the employer and the employee in the case of a nanny has to have different boundaries than those of an employer/employee in a traditional office work environment. None of that precludes the need for the nanny to be honest, hardworking and professional. But a nanny, by the nature of her job, participates in far more intimate parts of a family's life than a chairman of a company and his/her employees. The ensuite bathroom thing is really just a basic standard of comfort that Americans generally view differently than the British.

Sofia, you could say the same thing about Americans and tumble dryers or a single faucet (tap). But, this girl presumably isn't American and isn't in America.

I agree that this being a nanny is a more intimate job role than being an engineer or an accountant. But, nannies over here in the UK will go on to no end about how they are employees and they are entitled to this and entitled to that and blah blah blah. Then, when they want the more personal element of the job, they say oh I'm one of the family. It seems they want the benefits of both and the responsibilities of neither. I am om of course generalising and there are many fab nannies around. But, generally speaking the european worker (whether a nanny or not) believes they have a right to be suported by the business. And this attitude does extend to parents who are not big companies. So if parents are to be treated like big corporations, than it's only right that their employees should expect to be treated like the employees whim they keep reminding us they are.

They give and take of an employee-employer relationship is a two way street. I take what I give and I give what I take. If a nanny is taking the mick, slacking off, not looking after my kids properly, you can bet she's not going to get a lot of special favours. She will of course be treated within the limits of the law that governs her employment with me. But, optional comforts might be sacrificed.

I am assuming these parents discussed the room with the nanny beforeit was arranged, and I am assuming the nanny was professional enough to have an honest discussion and and ask some of the details before acepting her week away.

As a governess I expect (and get) a similar standard of accomodation when away to that which I get at home. If I lived in a shared house then I'd be okay with a shared bathroom but they provide me with a flat with a separate bathroom so I expect that when I'm away with them.

I wouldn't expect to attend the ceremony. I'm not inviting them to my actual wedding, although they are coming to a big afterparty.

Having said that if it was special circs like a wedding and not 'normal' travel then I'd insist on a temporary contract and that would have to be agreeable to both parties or I wouldn't be doing it. If they didn't then although I'm contractually obliged to go under my normal contract I'd be working to rule (including accommodation).

If you don't have a temp contract then you work to your original one and I'll bet you there's nothing in there which says you get to be invited to family occasions.

I suppose it depends purely on the kind of relationship you have with your employers once working hours are over.

I've been a nanny for a few families over the years, in between other childcare jobs and I've had a friendly relationship with all of them tbh.

The family I was working for when I got married were at the church but couldn't make the reception and it was lovely seeing the boys there.

My most recent nannying family invite me to their birthday/Christmas bashes even now after I have finished working for them!

I remember one Christmas party while I was still working there and one of the children came downstairs because they couldn't sleep and I went to comfort them and the father "reminded" me that I was there to enjoy myself, not look after the children!

We had a very professional relationship during working hours though and so I think that the two can be intertwined. Just depends on the people/situation I suppose.

The problem is I'm sure the couple want someone to help with the children and for it to be someone they know, so they can really relax and enjoy themselves. Ditto for their friends. Do you know their friends very well? Would they need to be looking after you/worried if you're having a good time if you were there as a guest? Probably. Do they need that? No, not really. They've already got family complaining about the seating plan, friends complaining about the child policy, the bridesmaid dresses look minging etc, more than likely.

I think as long as they've discussed terms with you and you've agreed it - particularly when you're looking after all of their mate's children - that's okay. I personally would have found you a room with an en suite, that is one thing.

Don't feel obliged to buy a wedding present by the way!

I would say it is unusual that you are not invited to ceremony since you have been there 2 years.
Also odd that no one acknowledged that you are not invited when they told you you would wait around in hotel. They could have said e.g. its close family/friends only. You do care for their children, and are in daily contact with them and so are by definition close enough to the family to be considered in this way.

However, as AtheneNoctua said, this consideration would depend on your normal daily relationship with them and how formal the household is etc.

I do take issue with en suite though. Most employees would expect en suite and not necessarily think to ask. It is a budget option. They have a nanny, spending loads on wedding so relatively negligible £ to ensure comfortable night for childrens' wedding carer.

Actually did they know no bathroom when booking or maybe just said they wanted a room?