Smacking issue, am worried!

[itwasallgoingsowell]

Hi,

I am an Ofsted 'Outstanding' childminder who works with an assistant who happens to be my mother.

Today my toddler daughter bit my mum and drew blood. My mum jumped and as a reaction smacked my daughter on the leg. This was all done in front of a mindees parent.

I apologised to the parent and said that smacking is never used on minded children (or on my own usually). And that I was embarrased by the situation. When the parent had gone I spoke to my mum who hadn't even realised what she had done until that moment and then broke down in tears feeling she had let me down.

I am now worried about the consequences with the parents of the mindee and could do with some advice. Should I write a written apology, should I talk about it to the other parent in the morning, should I leave it as I have already apologised? Do you think they will withdraw their child? Will they notify Ofsted?

Please could I just have some advice.

Thanks

My gut feeling is that you should leave it as you have already apologised. You should however make a record of the incident, while it is fresh in your and your mother's memories, so that if Ofsted do later investigate you know what did actually happen.
In theory your mother should be suspended pending a disciplinary hearing... but that has already happened really and I presume she does now realise that her actions were inappropriate and that you have decided to reinstate her in her job (as you do not feel she is a danger to minded children).

Thanks nannynick, no I do not fel my mum is a threat to minded cildren at all, they all adore her. She was in pieces afterwards!!! Good I idea to record it though and state what happened and what was done as a result. I will start that now.

Agree, record it as it happened and what happened afterwards. Both yourself and mum sign it.

Then give your mum a great big hug and tell her she's only human to smack a child who draws blood. Your poor mum

Hug administered, thank you Mulanmum1.

Don't stress about it...chances are that the parent will be happy with the explanation that your mum smacked your daughter for biting(its not like she smacked a mindee) and you offered reassurance that mindees are not smacked.

Personally (while I never smack children, mine or anyone elses) I would be understanding if a childminder of mine smacked MY child as an instant reaction if it had bitten her and drawn blood...... while not condoning it people are only human! I would talk to you about it and make sure you knew I wasn't happy about my child being smacked but I wouldn't withdraw or notify ofsted.

Make sure you put it in your incident book so if she does decide to make a fuss about it you have it all written down.

you see as a cm I would never ever smack a mindee but I did smack my own children and would have done so for biting.. agree with all the other posts though.
hope your mum is ok.. sure this will all be fine..I grew up in the 70s and was regulaly smacked both at school and home and usually deserved it..

Agree with thebody - it was the threat of the smack that made me such a good girl when I was little

Hope you and your mum feeling better today

Was the smack mid bite to get her teeth off??? Or afterwards? Makes a big difference I think.

Can understand you being worried, how did the parent who witnessed it react??

"I spoke to my mum who hadn't even realised what she had done until that moment "

That's the bit that would worry me. If she did it without realising, is it possible she could do the same to a minded child who did something that took her unawares?

agree with sammyk; if it was an instinctive reaction to teeth sinking into her, then that does seem different to a punishment for biting

I consider myself a complete non-smacker, but the only time I have smacked was when dd's teeth sank close to the bone (I still have the scar 3 years later)- in a panic, to get her off

agree with juuule - how could you mum not know she had hit a child

thankfully (iykwim) it was your dd - what would have happened if a mindee bit your mum and she smacked them?

if the assissatnt wasnt your mum would you still be asking this?

would you have behaved differently?

think you need to give your mum a break.. I would have done what she did!!!

Hi

Feeling much better today and mindees parents are fine. Yes the smack was as the bite happened, and it did get my daughter to release, although it didn't bother her other than that.

Mum meant that she hadn't actually thought about the fact she had smacked, she was just trying to stop the pain. She hadn't decided to smack my daughter. It was only at the point she had smacked that she had realised what she had done. She then felt terrible.

She is feeling better today, especially as both mindees parents were happy and chatty today as normal!

Thank you for all your support and advice.

Me

glad mum and mindee are both ok