Feeling guilty about depositing grumpy baby with childminder!

[Hopefully]

I'm starting to feel really awful about this, and I'm wondering whether anyone's got any reassurance/advice.

DS is nearly 9 months, and over the past few weeks has been just a tiny bit off colour (teeth, minor cold, possible beginning of separation anxiety, everything really). He basically had one good week at the CM (he only goes once a week) and has been a bit of a pain for her ever since. She's very nice about it, but I'm beginning to feel incredibly guilty, and contemplating keeping him off (for which I obviously have to pay) if he's still grumpy next week.

He's also a pain to get to sleep, so sometimes CM can't manage to get him to nap (she does try, but he often needs lots of pram rocking etc, and she has 2 other mindees) so he is then even more grumpy and tired.

Is there anything I can do to redeem myself/him? I'm so worried she's going to announce he's too much of a pain, and it's taken me aaaages to find a nice CM with the right vacancy!

Clearly, he is my pfb...

CM's take this sort of thing in their stride, if your happy with your CM leave things as they are, I don't think it would be of benefit to stop taking him, unless of course CM is finding it a strain which doesnt appear to be the case from your post. All LO's go through this stage I have two about this age both teething and don't want to nap, it's not a problem, if they don't sleep when with me then chances are parents will get a better nights kip, give him lots of hugs, attention and stuff to bite on, and keep thinking not much longer to go before teething thing over (prob 3 -4 mths) then you will see a huge difference and a much more settled DS. Keep to his routine as much as you can, even if he's not sleeping too well, still put down for naps / sleep as you normally would then you won't be starting from scratch again when DS finally has all his teeth.

I shouldn't think it's bothering your cm, they don't take it to heart in the same way that mothers do.

I very much doubt she would give up on a child as too much of a pain, they tend to have gripes with the parents instead.

Make sure you are being a model employer for her and I'm sure it will be fine.

If she does mention it's been a bit hard, why don't you get her a bottle of wine on Friday and say sth like "this is to help you relax after a hard week with X, we really appreciate everything you're doing."

'Make sure you are being a model employer for her and I'm sure it will be fine.'

HaventSleptForAYear CMs are not employed, nanny's are! CMs are self employed.

I echo what atworknotworking says - if you are concerned just chat with your CM. I am all for open communication myself. From the sounds of it she is coping fine I too have had lil ones like your ds and with time, patience, effort and cuddles it all works out fine.

Thanks for the advice! I spoke to her this afternoon when I picked up DS and she totally alleviated all my concerns - she said she's been doing it for long enough to cope with a bit of teething and a cold.

Good tip about the wine though - if he continues being a grump I might do that!

Well they may not be employers jennipenni but they certainly pay the wages afaik!

And here in France we are called their "employers", they don't have to do all the complicated stuff that actual self-employed have to do here.

I used to nanny for a little boy who onliy went to nursery one morning a week. It would take the rest of the week to settle him back to normal again, and then it was his morning at nursery and then another week of settling. His parents took him out and sent him somewhere else for 2 mornings and he was much better.

If you are 100% happy with the CM I would seriously consider sending him 2 days as one really isn't enough to help him settle there and get to know the CM.

Good point. I hadn't noticed the once a week part.

Definitely v. little at that age. Could you do another day or even half day (and have it to yourself to do whatever?)?

HaventSleptForAYear Fees are paid by the parent, who is a client. Sorry to sound pedantic but it irks those of us who run our own businesses to be misrepresented so often as being employees, paid a wage.

OK. It's obviously different in the UK, because I do pay a wage to cm, it's worked out monthly and includes paid holiday etc.

As I said, I am classed as our cm's employer.

CM doesn't do any admin at all, I work out all the payments etc. She is certainly not running a business.

But I had read stuff on here about all the admin cms do in the UK, it all sounds v. professional.

glad cm has re assured you

most childcare professionals can cope with a teething/clingy baby

though at times, it can be weary

wine is a good bribe thank you

HaventSleptForAYear Yes, things are obviously done very differently. Your CM arrangement sounds more like a nanny arrangement here...? Does she work in your home or hers?

We run our CM business 100% ourselves... from what fee we charge per hour, to our ugh tax return. We are registered with OFSTED, other professional childminding bodies, Environmental Health and I am even registered as a catering company, can you believe it! haha This is because I cook fresh food everyday for those in my care. We have tons of policies, paperwork, training etc. It's hard work but I love it. Nothing better than watching those in my care develop and grow

I would love to send DS more than once a week, but I am desperately trying to scrape together some freelance work, and really can't afford a penny more until I'm bringing in some more money. With a bit of luck that will be within the next few weeks though, and then he can go more often (and I can have more breaks!)

can you send him 2 part days in the meantime?

Hopefully, I have 2 little boys that only come to me once a week, and it has taken a little time for them to settle, especially into sleep routines, but settle they have and although more than one day is possibly better dont be upset that you cant afford because mine are perfectly happy and I love them to bits (grumpiness or not)

Thanks silly, that makes me feel better!

he only goes for 6 hours now, and by the time I have walked 30 mins home and 30 mins back again, dividing that into 2 sessions a week just isn't practical.

Ah well, with a bit of luck someone will beg to commission to me to write lots of opinionated crap informative articles soon and he can go a bit more.

Hopefully everyone has given you good advice and your CM has reassured you which is great. I just wanted to say i have had 3 children come for 1 day a week and they have all settled fine, it can take a bit longer though thats all. One idea is perhaps if your CM goes to toddler groups during the week, you might go along to the same group with your child? Then he has familiarity but security of you being there too - could also help ease communication with CM.

Oh and flowers/choccies/wine/thank you cards are all fantastic bribes ways of showing how much you are appreciating your CMs efforts