Thinking of getting an aupair, never had one and welcome advice please

[yorkiebar]

Hi, we have no family close by and at times feel it would be nice to have an extra pair of hands, help around the house and with children and are thinking of an aupair. What is it actually like to have one? What can you realistically expect? We want them to be very much part of the family rather than a member of staff and would love to be able to have a bit of time as husband and wife, which we don't get as we have no babysitters or family nearby. Just one outing together a month would be a welcome treat. I'm currently setting up my own business so to have a bit of extra help with the children would be great. What is it actually like having an aupair 24/7 in your home? Can you recomend where the best place to look for one is?

Anyone?

I wrote a long post for you - and then mumsnet crashed and lost it.
Will type it up again in a minute (need lunch first)

BEst place took, weel I have tried various but it always comes back to aupairworld.com. For all the other questions I shall wait for Millarkie's post as she always has plenty of sensible things to say.

Methinks DIOM is off to enjoy the sunshine, or the sun has gone to his head. Anyway, ignore his post because he's got the web address wrong Best place is www.aupair-world.net. That will give you plenty of applicants to shift through and the same amount of chasing up references as most agencies.

What's it like to have an au pair in your home 24/7? - it does depend on the AP and on your tolerance of having someone in your house. eg. when you say you want them to be part of the family are you happy with them going through the shopping bags and nicking the choc you've just bought, or watching some teenage-style prog on tv when you usually watch your fav soap, or ringing late at night because the friend who was giving them a lift home has gone off without them and can you pick them up from the pub. They are teenagers/or just about, and there has to be a balance between the give/take on both sides.

Top tips.

1. Write a job description first, APs generally help out for 25 hours a week, child-watching, light housework (ie. hoovering/dusting, not scrubbing loos or cleaning the oven), if you are lucky, preparing simple meals..mine walks the dog.

Once you have a job description put a profile on aupairworld, and when potential au pairs contact you give them the job description along with pay/package details, a few lines describing your family, house, area.

1. Research local ESOL courses to make sure that they can attend English classes at a convenient time. Try your local education authority for the cheapest courses.
2. Au pairs get £60-95 pocket money (with rural areas tending to pay more, drivers and more than 25 hours also cost more). On top of this budget for their food (£50 a week for our current AP), increase in power bills, car insurance/fuel or travelcard, cost of taking them out with the family. eg. our AP costs £800 per month but only £85 per week is pocket money.
3. House rules/contract - have some I'm re-writing mine at the moment or I'ld offer them. Think about rules for security, guests, alcohol,...lots of posts on MN to help.
4. Expect to spend the first few weeks explaining and re-explaining what needs to be done (I had to demonstrate how to put rubbish in the bin once), it's worth it in the long run.
5. Most au pairs have no/very little experience with children, either be very fussy when recruiting or expect to have to teach them the basics ie. if you make a fuss over silly behaviour the children will do it again.

OK, let's hope that lot doesn't crash MN again! We have had 2 APs, the first was fantastic, the second is not such a great fit for us, we are expecting our third in a month's time so we haven't been totally put off yet.

Oh, I forgot, (remembered the first time I wrote it), you can also ask for 2 babysits a week on top of the 25 hours, so you will be able to go out with dh (or, as I do, go to the gym!).

Everything Millarkie said - except the bit about me being in the sun.