Overnight Guests

[ConstantlyCooking]

We are about to employ our first au pair and I have been using Au Pair World. One question that has cropped up a few times is can the au pair have overnight guests.
My instinct is to say yes but no guests for the first 4-6 weeks so we can all get to know each other and then only one at a time and I want to know about guests in advance.
DH thinks the in advance bit is unreasonable but I don't want to bump into strangers in my house in the middle of the night! However I thought I would ask you all what would be reasonable.

But you do need to follow normal employment law for au pairs now - because of the visa changes - they are 'live in mother's helps'. Have you read the MN thread about the family who is being threatened by their former AP for holiday pay etc!
This thread is about whether you should trust an AP to make wise decisions about who stays overnight in the host family house - I can imagine that you could have an AP who is great with the kids but doesn't make the same choices with regard to her (boy)friends as her host family would make and therefore would not be 'trusted' to have these friends stay.
eg. I had a nanny who was ok at her job, but the bloke she lived with had a criminal record and was not someone I liked to have around my children - she was live out (so it shouldn't have been an issue!) - but had she been live-in, it might have caused problems. (As it was, it caused problems because she was letting him into my house during her working hours and letting him sleep on my sofa, watch tv etc (he had no job at the time))..but we parted company over other issues :O

(not so) silently hurrahs the reference to employment status of APs

Back on topic: having been a live-in nanny I certainly don't object to having to provide advance notice AS LONG AS in an absolute pinch you'd be prepared to be understanding and you made it clear it was a total emergency that that person had to stay over. I don't know what your transport links are like/whether your AP has to have a car but much as I don't routinely get sloshed in my room with my friends there was one time when a friend came over to watch a DVD, we'd consumed a bottle of wine between us and she clearly wasn't in a state to drive home so she bunked down on my floor - that was the more sensible option given that the other was her driving home.

So....after a couple of months, then yes. But personally I would limit it to no more than 2 consecutive overnight stays (that allows friends from home to visit), females or long-term (preferably known to her parents) boyfriends only and only 1 at a time. You might want to limit it to only 1 a month for foreign guests and possibly relax the rules a little for local APs.

Do you have any local AP employers who could let you know what's the norm for APs in your area? It's a bit of a swizz if your AP is the only one who can't offer a girls night in/place to stop over but it's a fine line between that and it being open house!

WRT the nanny/AP being able to choose who is around the children I don't believe that for a second. As far as other nannies/mums go then of course you have to trust your carers discretion/common sense up to a point - my employer doesn't know the weekday carers of my charge's friends and if I never went and talked to people in the park he'd never have any new playdates! But I certainly wouldn't go round introducing him to, say, my friends from church or people I met in a club last Saturday. So people working in childcare, fine. My fiance has met and been approved by my charge's parents (and A adores him) so everyone's comfortable with him being around. Other friends of mine may pick up from school with me/hang out at the park but I certainly wouldn't let them be alone with me and my charge and never in my employer's house.

I didn't realise that! Oo, that makes things a little more difficult then hm :/ I do think that it is a semi-decent step in protecting the more vulnerable girls from the worst families, but at the same time that really screws people over when they have the crappy APs!
I don't see how any childcarer can be irresponsible enough to potentially endanger their charges by bringing in somebody unsuitable to be around kids?! I know that they do but really, they wouldn't do it with their own children [one should hope anyways] so why with other peoples children?

I would say yes, I want advance notice/approval, and no boys in the house when I am not home and never overnight. Although I did once have a nanny who told the vicar he couldn't come over because I wasn't home.

I'm much more relaxed after I've gotten to know the nanny. But, I can never forget that thread about the au pair and her boyfriend soin' it on the livingroom floor.

Oh AN! I had forgotten about that one! Wasn't it a new rug, and she left her pants behind????
:O

not :O

PMSL at the vicar not being allowed to come round!

I'm slightly scared of our vicar so would probably gladly use that as an excuse for him not to make a house call.

The thread that AN referred to here

Oh my, poor AP and poor highlight! Hehe. I couldn't have sex in my host fams living room... they have windows all across one side of it with no curtains

Seriously though, it's quite entertaining, I'm quite impressed with how highlight seemed to have taken it! Especially with the other comments of fiuring the girl on there!