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Help! At the end of my tether!

30 replies

fraught · 12/05/2009 13:11

I really feel like crying, and not sure where else to turn. I hope this is the right place to post it, I've only really lurked in the past.

In Febuary I started working for a family on a basis similar to that of an au pair, except I'm english. It seemed perfect, as it meant I could escape my family (!) whilst still having the time & income to study part-time. I probably should have noticed the warning signs when I visited them, but chose to assume they were having a bad weekend, and that the house wasn't normally quite such a state. Unfortunately when I arrived a fortnight later, it turned out that that had been a good weekend. I understand that there is a degree to which, in this kind of work, you have to tolerate a different style of living/parenting, but I don't think I'm overreacting in finding this kind of mess and lack of hygeine intolerable.

Having arrived to a house in a disgusting state, I figured I could spend the first week totally deep cleaning it, and that it would then be easy to maintain it at a reasonable standard. I was sadly, very wrong. The degree to which they simply do not careabout hygeine is amazing - I cleaned out the cupboards after the weekend yesterday and found pans put away with congealed pasta sauce and scrambled egg still in the bottom, and mugs with hardened pot noodle, again, put away in the cupboard as being 'clean'. Not only that, but over the weekend the dog had done a poo in the living room, and no-one had bothered cleaning it up. I do not see that as being part of my duties as it happened over the weekend and ignored it - a day later, it is still there. The idea of picking it up makes me gag, but so does the idea of leaving it there. I find myself doing much, much more work than I'd anticipated just to keep the house in a state that I can deal with, and end up spending around £30 a week on readymeals and eating out because I can't bring myself to eat off of their plates, some of which I know that the dog has eaten off and/or pee'd on. I originally brought my own plates from home, but they quickly got sucked into general circulation, and I don't trust that the dog isn't involved in that.

There are some other issues regarding the teenager's attitude towards me - swearing and calling me stupid and not being disciplined for it, as well as realising that the wage I'm paid is fairly exploititive, even for au-pairs but I think I could deal with that alone, as I like (most) of the family a lot. They just contributes to an overall picture in which I am deeply miserable, really.

Obviously I need to get out, my eating is suffering, my studies are suffering from lack of attention and my social life is suffering because I'm too embarrased to bring anyone to the house. The kicker, however, is that I adore the LO, so don't want to end things on bad terms. And of course, would rather I wasn't kicked out... My boss thinks the sun shines out of my a*se and will, I'm sure, give me a glowing reference if need be, but we agreed to 7 months as a starting point, so if I leave before then for another job, I need a good excuse. There is (stupidly?) no written contract or anything, but it seems courtesy to give at least a few weeks of notice. And I need to line up a new job, I think, before I think about giving notice...

Anyway, apologies for that rant, but I really would appreciate some ideas and/or advice on getting out of the job without upsetting the family too much. They really are lovely people for the most part, just too much for me to cope with.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
thebody · 13/05/2009 19:19

LEAVE and if the teenager swears at you again throw the dog shit at his head.. cheeky little bugger.. you must be mad to even think of staying there, it sounds AWFUL, never ming your mum, swallow pride rather than god knows what from their plates..

nanny1974 · 14/05/2009 09:26

get out now

nanny1974 · 14/05/2009 09:26

get out now

onceinabluemoon · 19/05/2009 11:58

I'd leave too, I wouldn't even think of staying.

'Nice' people do not leave dog poop on the carpets which could make their LO blind, nor do they put stinking pots back in the cupboard, allow their teen to treat the AP like poo or expect others to clean up after them like that. They are not nice peeps hun.

Leave ASAP and sod the reference...

AtheneNoctua · 19/05/2009 13:38

Have you quit? Do you need a job? Where is your school? Fancy living in Sunbury????

I have no dog, and my kids are as cute and cuddly as anyone's.

ALthough it might be more hours that you are wiling to take on... for now. Would you consider working full tim through December and then continuing part time?

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