Single parent who need childcare before 8 in the morning - what do you do?

[twinsetandpearls]

Dp and I decided at our counselling session today that once we have sold our house we are probably going to go our separate ways.

That leaves me in Dorset with no family and a childcare problem. I currently live about half an hour from my school so leave for work at the latest 7:45am. That is too early for breakfast club.

I could do the following:

1. MOve closer to my school but I think that would be hard on dd as she has just moved school ( we moved here in August , we also have some friends we have made locally who cant help in terms of childcare but can be there to support.

2. Hire a childminder to take dd to school and pick her up. I just know that when I needed a childminder before it was very difficult to get one who would work before 8am although that was in lancashire.

I don't know why it is difficult tbh am sure lots of people are in the office at a similar time. Thanks silverlining.

I cant give up work as one I love my job and I suspect it is going to keep me going over the next few difficult months and secondly I need to support dd and I.

Sorry I wasn't suggesting you give up your job!!! I wish I hadn't now in alot of ways tbh so I am pleased for you that you are sticking it out!

As you are now going to be single please make sure you choose registered childcare (ie with Ofsted) so that you can get all the help you are entitled to

Good luck!

No I know you werent but someone ( not on here) has told me today that I cant teach as a single parent and be a proper parent.

oh twinset :-(

I have heard that myself - from my own family no less!

Yes absolutely it will be a hard slog - I did it for a year as a singleton before changing career and I was physically and emotionally exhausted. BUT you will be fine as long as you use you down time wisely - ie make sure that you set aside time in the evening where you have quality time with DD - for us supper time was lovely each evening. Try not to stay late in school to finish marking or planning - take it home to do after DD is in bed. It will be more tiring for you but will do wonders for yours and DDs relationship as you will get quality time with her after school for an hour or so doing HW together and enjoying cooking together etc when shes not too tired and grouchy.

And you will have SOME time over the holls when you can leave the paperwork

You can do this AND be a great mum. Ignore the pessimist who said otherwise!

Thanks, I am going to have to make huge changes, I currently work 70+ hours a week. It is very scary.

A couple of people have suggested an au pair - and have metioned the cost to be about £80 per week. I just wanted to point out that although you may pay them £80 the true cost is a lot more. You have to take into account energy and heating bills for someone else in the house when you are out at work - that extra tank of hot water every day for a bath/shower. And the biggest additional cost is the food bill - depending on how big your au pair eats that could be an extra £30 - £40 per week. There are other little bits and bobs too like phones and bus fares.

I'm not sure how big your house is but I would certainly recommend the au pair idea. I'm a single parent and had an au pair last year whilst I was working full time in the City. We're in London, have a 2-bed house so I had to share DD's room (I slept on a futon - thankfully the room is large) whilst au pair had my room with en-suite .

If there's a possibility that you can fit an au pair in your house then you can claim the cost of having one through tax credits, provided they register with Ofsted (which took around 6 weeks and cost a flat fee of £100 which I paid).

Having seen your other thread on tax credits, it appears you may be reluctant to make a claim! Nonetheless, if you do choose to do so, then an au pair could be a saving grace...

The house we are in has 2 good sized rooms and a box room. It would not be fair to put an aupair in there.

rockinsockbunnies - you were very lucky to find an au pair that had already done a paediatric first aid course and had a qualification in the Common Core Skills to enable her to register with Ofsted. Most au pairs wouldn't have either so the employer would have the additional cost of those courses on top of the £100 Ofsted fee.

nbee84 - We didn't need those things. Our au pair was French. She registered on the voluntary register with Ofsted. She had to send proof of having attended a normal first aid course and a French equivalent of a CRB check - essentially a document stating that she had no criminal convictions. She already had both these documents when she came to be our au pair. We duly registered with Ofsted, paid the fee and she was given a registration number, which was accepted by Tax Credit people.

There's information on the Ofsted website.

Twinset - an au pair might not mind a box room so long as she can use the rest of the house....

Sorry to hear your position Tinset - just like to agree with the CM sugegstuons. My CM as happy to take DS fom 7.45am without extra charges. Certainly in London many CM'swilltakechildrne from 7.30 becasue of the need to commute.

WHy not line up a few local CM's and talk to them.

rockin How long ago was this? I and a quite a few others on here are registered as nannies (on the voluntary register with Ofsted) and both those things above were needed. The first aid course had to be the 12 hour one and if the Common Core Skills were not covered by a qualification then a course had to be attended to do them. The CRB was then carried out with the registration. We also have to have insurance. nannynick is the one in the know on all this (think he also worked for Ofsted a while back)

"I cant teach as a single parent and be a proper parent" - oh people will tell you that you can;t be anything as a single parent and be a "proper" parent.

You have to cultivate a thicker skin and let it slide off. Thousands of childrne in the war were succesfuly raised by working single mothers with not a father in sight!

"I cant teach as a single parent and be a proper parent"

It's awful that people think this - they are so ignorant! My mum raised FOUR kids on her own with no help from our father or the state (we didn't grow up in the UK)... and she was a teacher... and she was (and is!) a SUPERB mother. We've all turned out rather well too if I may say so myself! A banker, a scientist, a teacher and a graphic designer (now CM ;)).

Please try not to take to heart what thoughtles and ignorant people say.

I think the person was right in that I cant be the kind of teacher I am now and be a good parent.

TSAP- I am so sorry to hear this
wishing you well, and thinking of you.

Thanks

twinset - you canalso claim 'salary sacrifice' for child care i that you 'give up' part of your salary to be paid direct to your cmso you dont pay tax on it
let me know if you want more info

just to add, I amconcerned you are working a 70 hours + week twinset, single or not

That is during term time though popsycal and as everyone knows teachers are always on holiday.

It will have to change now.

Just a suggestion but if you have the opportunity of popping to DD school they might be able to pass you some names of CM's some schools are really good at doing this others are terrible and wont cos it might seem to be reccommending one.

Failin that why not ask around in the playground there's about 5 or 6 CM's do drop & pick ups at my DD's schools and everyone knows who they are, not to hard to spot either cos they usually have double buggies and a hoard of loverly children lol.

I often get asked if I have spaces by people I don't know at school, I started at 5.30am till 7pm when I first became a CM, I do 7.30 - 9pm now, but as most CM have said on here I would be flexible if a parent asked.. Don't panic too much you will find something I'm sure, but you are right to start looking now before your local CM's get full nearer Sept.

Sorry to hear about DH hope it goes well for you and DD.

I can't remember how old your dd is - is she in secondary yet? Could she not get herself ready and you arrange for her to walk to school with somebody? Maybe a cm after school. Sorry to hear about your situation.

She is 7, I will get dp to ask at school there is a children's centre attached I would imagine they also have information.

RockinSockBunnies - I've just read through the Ofsted site and there is still a need for an au pair to have completed training to cover core skills as well as a first aid course - and for them to have insurance (just like a nanny).

TSAP - sorry to hear of your situation. If you do have space for an au pair, one of the benefits is that you get babysitting twice a week which would mean that you can 'have a life' (if you get a chance after putting dd to bed and finishing off your marking etc). My au pair means that I can get to the gym twice a week which helps me deal with stress better. Au pair pocket money starts at £60 per week but the extras (food, car insurance if you need them to drive, power/heat if they are in house most of day) can add up (in our case they add up to over £400 a month on top of the pocket money..you also get most of the cleaning done though, so when you get home you will just have time with dd/work to do and it means that dd can go to after-school activities and get picked up by au pair..so there is more flexibility than a childminder.