Advice needed on nannyshare expectations

[Heath999]

Hello
I really am looking for advice and recommendations around nannyshare. We have employed a nanny for a nannyshare for the past year. Our kids are now both just 2 years old. Over the past year it seems that our nanny does less and less of the "formal" chores that we started our arrangement with. Sometimes I wonder if I am working for her, or if she is working for me!
Is it unreasonable to ask a nanny (4 days per week, £100 per day) to do the children's groceries, to change their cot sheets, or to clean the table and immediate floor area where they have spilt food? Is it unreasonable to ask any nanny to take the bag of the day's dirty nappies out with her when she leaves at the end of the day to throw away?
I really can not fault our nanny with the care she provides for the kids and they really do love her. She always has playdates arranged or visits to local parks and museums. She claims that she is so busy with the kids, and that she can't leave them alone for long otherwise they fight (this is true as they have both entered the very possessive phase).
Also, does anyone have any guidance on when they provide a taxi home for a nanny if they have stayed late to babysit? I think I really only need to do this after, say, 10pm, but she wants a taxi even earlier than that.
I would appreciate feedback from nannys and employers alike.
Thank you!

Is it unreasonable to ask a nanny (4 days per week, £100 per day) to do the children's groceries

No - children actually like going shopping for things for them. They just don't tend to like big shops - so keep the list of items quite short.

to change their cot sheets

No - that's a reasonable request. How often do you want them changed... weekly, less often?

clean the table and immediate floor area where they have spilt food?

No perfectly reasonable - also a bit of an endless task, toddlers make such a mess when eating!

Is it unreasonable to ask any nanny to take the bag of the day's dirty nappies out with her when she leaves at the end of the day to throw away?

No, assuming the bin is on their route out of the home/garden - though I doubt you meant that you wanted your nanny to take the nappies back to their home Personally, I tend to just take nappies as and when I'm heading towards the bin - so every time we go out as the bin is by the gate.

she can't leave them alone for long otherwise they fight

Children like to help... toddlers like to be given a damp cloth and allowed to 'clean' the table. One could clean the table while the other sweeps the floor (child sized brush needed). Nanny will then have to repeat of course... but the children will have had fun helping.

Why would a live-out nanny need a taxi? Are they not supposed to be providing their own way to/from work?

Hi there.

I used to do a nanny share a few years ago before I had my DC. I worked for 2 families, 3 days one family and 2 days the other family per week.

You are paying very good money! I do not thik it's unreasonable to be doing the chores you have stated. When i was nannying I was expected to do this, cook meals for the children, change beds/ cots. I wouldnt dream of leaving a dirty table/ floor or washing up that needed doing at the end of the day.

I also planned lots to do with the children. I also did other chores if I had time throughout the day. It was difficult as I wasnt full time with one family so it was always difficult to know what they expected me to do.

I have considered a part time nanny for my DC, only 2 days per week but its hard to know what to expect from them when they only come 2 days a week, obviously not doing the kids washig/ ironing in that short space of time!

Hope this had helped in some way. Sounds like maybe you need a chat with her and just askinng her to do basic things like clear up after the children?

Thanks so much for your answers, very useful!

I probably made it sound worse than it is - as I am quite frustrated at the moment

Our nanny does get the kids to clean up their toys and gives the table quick wipe, but there is always food on their chairs and under the table when I get home.

And to do with the groceries, I have seen other people with double buggies in the supermarket before, so it must be possible - will talk to her about this. The problem is that we live in a third floor flat, and she doesn't want to have to get the kids and groceries up the stairs, but I am quite happy for her to leave the groceries downstairs for me to bring up, and she doesn't carry the kids up anyway, she makes them walk...

I have overheard her nanny friends talking about their jobs before, and it sounds like they have far more to do than our nanny does, but she is the only one with two two-year olds to look after, so I find it quite hard to compare and don't want to be too demanding...

The taxi after babysitting arrangement is because she does one evening of "free" babysitting per week - but in truth we probably only ever ask her to do this once per month. I still think I only need to provide a taxi after 10pm - tubes and buses still run regularly before then.

Tbh looking after 2 two years old IT IS very hard. But she should definitely clean the table and floor after meals and change the beds once a week is not big deal. Regarding shopping i think only small emergency items like milk and bread or wipes. personally i wouldnt ask for big grocery shopping. As for taxi i think you are right i wouldnt be happy to pay it before 10pm unless there is a good reason for this (no good transport, very rough area... ). But i have to say that £100 a day for nannyshare especially for 2 years old doesnt sound much to me unless you are in an area with low wages?

thanks Laquitar - I would really value other opinions on the amount of work and the pay too. we are in a very good area.

I am a nanny to 18 month old twins, I have been with them since they wer 12 weeks.

I do all nursery duties, i.e., changing bedding once a week (or when needed) dusting nursery and playroom twice a week, cleaner vacuums cos the boys love the hoover so cannot do it with them around! I wash and iron all their clothes and put them away. (Darn anything that needs it, socks mainly as they have only just started walking.)

I do all their cooking and freeze lots, MBs use it at weekends, which I think is fair as they paid for it and they pay me to work!

I do the family shop, cleaning and tinned goods are done on ocado though.

I also run occasional errands for MBs, dry cleaning, DIY/garden store or take another vehicle out when we go out, if it needs filling with fuel.

My two do sleep for 2 hours in the day though, which is when I get my cooking/ironing done.

These guys are my 3rd set of twins and like Nick said, get them interested in helping, twin 1 has been loading/unloading washing machine and tumble dryer since he was 11 months old, and he puts it into a basket, not on the floor like his youger brother! Now the weather is nice, he hands me items from the basket so I can hang them on the line but gets so mad if I don't say Ta when he hands it to me, every single item!! Love him! Twin 2 just sits and eats while I am busy!!!

Callaird you seem to do a lot, i hope they appreciate you. When do you have your break if you do cooking/ironing at nap times?

"Why would a live-out nanny need a taxi? Are they not supposed to be providing their own way to/from work?"

• in normal working hours, yes. But I would never want to use the tube late at night on my own if I was babysitting for a family, then there's the walk from the station to home, on your own, in the dark. I wasn't able to drive into work as it was very strictly resident-only parking, so had to rely on public transport, and wasn't prepared to take risks with my safety when I worked late.

We had a nanny share with young children a while ago. We said to the nanny that we required her to teach the children how to do chores because we did not want them to grow up to be pampered little princes, and if this meant fewer trips to the park then so be it.

Mine have always loved putting groceries away, and now DS1 is 6 and at school the internet shop HAS to be delivered when he is at home to assist. Changing sheets on a bed is fun, you can throw dirty sheets down the stairs (not in a flat, I agree).

I think especially if your nanny came with experience of twins or nanny shares it is entirely reasonable to expect her to the things you mentioned. Maybe you are due a one year review with your nanny?

Just an idea but could you get your groceries delivered? Ocardo will bring the bags right into the kitchen for us. You could ask your nanny when it is best for her for it to arrive, so if she has got activities planned then they won't clash, I can see why she wouldn't want to lug it up three flights of steps. As although the children can walk up the stairs she will still need her hands free just incase one of them stumbles.

There really is no excuse for not clearing up properly though, or taking the nappy's out to the bin on the way out.

Dont forget there was a thread here last week when a mum was complaining because the nanny helped the other family (with picking up and dropping off their child-so she 'worked extra 15 min for the other family'). So you have to take in account that the nanny gets paid from both families and if she does household duties for one family the other could get upset especially if it is on the childcare duties expence.

Callaird you seem to do a lot, i hope they appreciate you. When do you have your break if you do cooking/ironing at nap times?

Laquitar - they do appreciate me, thankfully, got a very nice annual pay rise, get quite a lot of time off above my 5 weeks holiday a year and they are fantastic to work for. Boys are adorable too!!

I don't do cooking/ironing everyday. I iron on a tues and fri (if we are home!) it takes around 45 mins, I do it while watching diagnosis murder! So still have over an hour to rest. I cook on a thursday, generally two dishes and around 5 portions, one for following day and rest for freezer. This week didn't do any cooking as freezer is quite full and we were at the zoo all day.

Luckily, my MB's are very laid back, if it doesn't get done by the end of the week then it'll get done next week. I do everything off my own bat, they don't expect or ask me to do anything (except look after/love/nurture and cuddle my munchkins!)

Thanks again everyone. Nanny and I had a good chat last night and discussed how the little details were really letting her down when the quality of her childcare, which I really can't fault, is so good. She had a few pointers and tips for me too, and we are going to try out a few changes, but her contract was also up for some amending so I have put some of these things in there - she will get back to me on Monday with how she feels about it. I will pay her taxi home after babysitting, she will take the nappies out and clean up when the kids have eaten, and I will carry on doing all the groceries but she will let me know during the day when something has run out so that I don't have to make a special trip that evening to get milk/wipes, etc...
Funnily enough when I got home on Friday evening I could immediately see she had put a bit more effort in and she has also started the kids diaries again, which hasn't happened for about 6 months now - so maybe she knew I was at breaking point!
Caillard, (you sound like a treasure), when you say you do these things off your own bat, when I put myself in my nanny's position and think what I would do if I were her, I like to think I would also do things because it was obvious they needed to be done, and because I want to do a good job, not just because someone has asked me to.
Anyway, will see how we get on over the next few weeks... thanks for all your opinions and advice

Thats nice to hear! Hope everything works out for the best now, sometimes its just about communication.

Regarding shopping, I know someone else mentioned shopping but could you not get it delievered? Saves so much time!!!

OP i am glad that you had the talk with your nanny but i am also a little confused because you mentioned nannyshare but then you only mention YOU and the nanny, household duties for YOU, and chat between YOU and the nanny. This is not critisism, honestly, but you will find there are sometimes nannyshare threads where one family feels left out or having worst deal and because there are three parts in nannyshare it is always best to have 'chats' when all parts participate.

Laquitar - good point, I can see it may be confusing. The other mum and myself have both agreed that we need to put a few extra things in the contract around Duties and we worked on them together - we originally kept this area really light-weight as the important thing is that our kids are loved, cared for, fed and entertained - and that is still the focus. So as far as household chores go (besides cooking which she loves and does with great gusto - and mess ) all we ask is - clean any spilt food off the table/chairs/floor, wash the dishes the kids have eaten with, change their cot sheet once a week and throw out the dirty nappies... is that a lot of household chores? hmm, maybe it is? She doesn't offer to do more, and we don't ask. These would still apply to whichever home our nanny was based in - at the moment it is my flat and has been for the past 6 months. We are going to swap back to the other mum's flat in October. The other family is coming around on Monday night for a bottle of vino and to sort out our mutual nannyshare finances, so I will double-check with them then that they are ok with things. Thanks for the tip!

glad you had a chat

all the duties you mentioned as far as i see are normal nanny/nursery duties

all my other jobs i had nursery duties with cleaning bedroom/playroom/doing washing etc but this job mb/cleaner/ironer does them all as thats what she wanted

I do always tidy up, sweep floor (or use our new hoover dog) and if washing in machine i put in tumble dryer, though mb always tells me not to

but it is not hard to transfer stuff rather than leave in machine for 10hrs - which their last nanny did and she only had 1 child to look after - i have 3

I cook fresh meals at least once a day, and maybe use something i have cooked previously

as in a 3rd floor flat, i would also enquire about delivery of shopping, think costs my mb £5 a week and the very nice man brings it in for me from door, through hall, living room, dining room and into kitchen and unpacks it to the table for us

i think £100 a day is plenty for looking after 2 children who as they are the same age, should be able to play with each other

i have looked after twins and i managed to do all nursery duties

taxi - not sure why you should have to pay for one before 10pm, though can understand after 10pm or could you/dp/ drop her home again after bs - if you are not tipsy