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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Is it unreasonable....

33 replies

Tavvy · 07/05/2009 22:51

To ask for Christmas week off - that's from Christmas Eve to the 2nd January?
I'm a nanny and really want this week off as I have family commitments too that I would like to be a part of but my boss wants me to work. I get two weeks my holiday choice and I am not prepared to be flexible on this one. I'm extremely flexible the rest of the time. I don't think this is unreasonable.
Anybody else...
Parents who employ nannies particularly welcome - would like a parental opinion

OP posts:

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MaureenMLove · 07/05/2009 22:57

I'm not a nanny and never likely to have a nanny, but I think that's a totally acceptable request.

snickersnack · 07/05/2009 23:03

Hmm. If it's not in your contract that you can't take that period off, and if you are allowed to pick your two weeks then she should give it proper consideration.

Why does she want you to work? Does she have to be at work? If my nanny asked for that time off this far in advance, I'd do my very very best to accommodate it. If there's a period when I know I have to work, I tell my nanny as soon as I find out - if I knew I was going to have to work over the Christmas period I would tell her that she couldn't take holiday then, in advance of her asking for it.

There are times when employers can't allow their employees to take holiday - there are times I can't go on holiday and I accept that. But if you're asking this far in advance and she hasn't told you beforehand it's not possible, then I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Original poster

Tavvy · 08/05/2009 07:05

I work for a SAHM

OP posts:

woodenchair · 08/05/2009 07:25

It doesn't sound like an unreasonable request. What are her reasons for refusing?

aGalChangedHerName · 08/05/2009 07:31

If she's that unreasonable ie doesn't need you there for work commitments of her own, i'd be looking for a new job tbh.

nannynick · 08/05/2009 08:12

Put the request in now, then the parent(s) can sort out cover (eg ask relatives to visit) if they have to work that week.
Certainly not an unreasonable request. In fact I would say that most employers of nannies give that week off anyway, as one or other of the parents would usually take that week off.
Personally I don't mind working that week, especially as my 'family Christmas' now seems to have been moved forward a couple of weeks (due to family all being spread out around the UK, we are planning a Center Parcs meetup just before Christmas).

FabulousBakerGirl · 08/05/2009 08:15

Have you worked those dates for her before?

I think you should request them now, in writing, make sure you have an answer within a week, and then if she says no you will have to rethink your position.

I was a nanny and are now a mum and don't think it is unreasonable at all.

One Christmas I worked, went away with the family to Courcheval, as I had no family to visit but would have rather stayed behind to see my boyfriend. Too chicken to say outright though and it was a fairly nice holiday in a very nice place.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/05/2009 08:50

shes a sahm and wont let you choose that week off?

why on earth not?

most parents would love to be able to spend that time with their children playing

I could understand it if she had to work, as many employers have to do, but as she doesnt work she is being totally unreasonable imho

i have it written in my contract that I have the week between christmas and Ny off and paid

its over 7mths away - so as FBG says,ask her, get it put in writing and if she doesnt agree that if it means that much to you,then find a new job

nannynick · 08/05/2009 09:07

I missed the SAHM bit. Sounds very unreasonable in that case - it's not as though she is working in medical/emergency services where getting time off over Xmas may be tricky.

HarrietTheSpy · 08/05/2009 09:42

What is the reason she feels she's not going to be able to cope? Does she have huge numbers of family descending on her? Does her partner have work commitments? I'm imagining a scenario where he's invited all of his siblings, his parents and cousins to come to theirs for the holidays. "No problem, wife and nanny will be just fine." While he's off doing whatever.

This is more out of curiosity than anything else. I still think you should press for the time off.

Do you know someone who could help her out over the holidays? I am presuming - perhaps erroneously - that cash isn't the first issue for them. Perhaps you could suggest someone who could be a spare pair of hands.

SammyK · 08/05/2009 10:52

I think you should stick to your guns here, she has loads of time to find some extra help if she needs it.

When I read OP I thought of NHS staff maybe butas this is not the case I do think she is being unrseasonable, and a little mean - it would be nice for you to see your own family wouldn't it!

nbee84 · 08/05/2009 11:03

As she's a SAHM (and not a doctor, nurse, firefighter or someone that has to work over Christmas)I would not back down on the time off over Christmas - it's not as if you're giving her 2 weeks notice! She has plenty of time to sort things out.

Personally, if my boss were that inflexible, I would be wondering what on earth I was doing working there and be looking for another job pronto.

flowerybeanbag · 08/05/2009 11:08

YANBU. If you are requesting this as part of your two weeks 'your choice' holiday, without any fantastic reason why not she ought to let you have it. If she is a SAHM there is no good reason not to let you imo.

I am a parent with a nanny. I will be getting my nanny to take Christmas off as part of the holiday we choose, as I know that will be convenient for me, which means it leave her to choose her two weeks whenever she likes.

YorkshireRose · 08/05/2009 11:31

YANBU. There cannot be any good reason for not allowing you this time off. Even if she has loads of family coming, other people manage to cope with this and look after their own ruddy kids FFS! Or if the poor dear really cannot cope she has plenty of time to arrange a temporary replacement.

She sounds like a very selfish person IMO who gives no thought to your welfare at all.

I agree with the other posters that I would question very seriously whether you really want to carry on working for someone like this. What will it be next - refusing time off to attend your mothers funeral??

I also think that your contract gives you good grounds to insist on having this week off as she can have no reasonable grounds to refuse it. Is that right flowerybeanbag?

flowerybeanbag · 08/05/2009 11:37

It depends what the wording of the contract says. if it says just two weeks can be chosen by the nanny, then yes absolutely insist.

It may say two weeks can be chosen and will be agreed as far as possible, which might make it more difficult to actually insist, but something like 'as far as possible' or similr would mean that if there is a really good reason those dates can't be agreed, then fine. That wouldn't mean just saying no where there's no reason.

I can't think of any good reason where there is a parent at home tbh.

What does your contract say OP?

BoffinMum · 08/05/2009 12:14

I'd feel awful if my nanny had to work over Xmas, and can't imagine asking this, unless I was an A and E surgeon or similar, being obliged do an Xmas shift for the good of society. Even then I'd still try to work something else out. It's almost always possible.

aGalChangedHerName · 08/05/2009 16:50

The fact that she has already said no to your request would have me looking for another job tbh. She sounds like a loon imo.

If a parent treated me like that i'd be looking for mindees to replace them.

hellywobs · 08/05/2009 19:09

My cm takes this week off - seems reasonable to me. We're in May, you're not asking for it the week before Xmas!

PaulaAtMummyKnowsBest · 08/05/2009 19:26

has she given you a reason as to why you can't have the time off then?

K75 · 08/05/2009 19:54

I have a nanny and always give her Christmas week off. I can't imagine not wanting this special time with my kids and my own family. However, I wouldn't employ a nanny if I was a SATM (I work full time) so I guess I can't really empathise but you did say you wanted to hear from other employers.

I think as others say you have to ask why.

LittlePaws · 08/05/2009 20:06

Are they maybe going away for Christmas and expecting you to stay home with the children?

Ripeberry · 08/05/2009 20:10

Why would a SAHM need a full-time nanny? Just curious.

Oligo · 08/05/2009 20:57

Traditionally nannies have been employed by sahm and not by working mums, which seems a more recent development ime. Although not so much at home as socialising, shopping, travelling, beautifying. I have worked for a few families like this and seems like a different world but is completely their way of life. They might think that the nanny knows more about raising/developing/educating children than they do. I think that if they want a nanny over the one time of year that is most obviously and reasonably important to you they could get a temp. Why not suggest a couple of agency phone numbers or suggest their PA arranges something for them. They might just not realise their options.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/05/2009 21:01

tbh i have never understood sahm's who have a full time nanny

nothing wrong with having a nanny say 2 days a week if you dont work, to be able to do stuff/have me time etc but to have one 5 days

i would much prefer to pay a cleaner/ironer/gardener etc and be able to spend time with my children if i had the choice to not work

BoffinMum · 08/05/2009 22:39

Maybe the SAHM concerned has shedloads of children? If you had six or more and no family locally, there would be quite a bit of work for a nanny potentially, especially if one had SN or something perhaps? But I imagine that's not the case here though.

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