Advice from fellow childminders please?

[Beck88]

I am currently a registered childminder with my mum, we have been minding now for 18months and all of the children we mind have been with us from the start.

The was a small incident yesterday which occured and caused a little friction and I was just after some advice on how others would have dealt with it.

A 2 year old child came in with his belongings in the morning and he usually takes his sandwhich box out of his lunch bag and puts it in the fridge...yesterday he did this only when he took his box out he obviosuly liked what he saw and took the lid off! For a while I held back as I knew a tantrum would errupt and his mum was standing right next to him. I suppose I was waiting for her to pick him up on it.

I asked him to put it in the kitchen for me which he managed half way, then he decided he wanted to sit at the table and eat it.
I moved it away and kindly said no, let's go and feed the guinea pigs and would you like some toast.
He looked as though he was about to cry so I picked him up but then he lashed out and kicked to get down, although I put him down straight away he kicked me quite hard and today I have a great bruise to show for it!

He then ran to his mum and she made a big fuss of him and made me feel as though I was completely in the wrong and had upset him. I felt very undermined in my own home.
Surely I wasn't expected to let him eat it and then him have no lunch.

Now I am worried about next time he comes because I am not sure how to approach it should it happen again??

Beck88- hope your bruise gets better soon by the way.

I tend to use diversionary tactics when stuff like this happens, i would suggest have some brecky ready and waiting on table for the little dear when he arrives something that will catch his attention like some bright fruit or some toast with a smiley face or something on it, just be dead over the top about it say something like "quick quick come and see what we made for you" or "look what the breakfast fairy left this morning" this tends to work for me and as there pegging it into the breakfast room to see what all the fuss is about whip his backpack of and tuck it out the way he won't even notice hopefully - shame mum didn't back you up it's hard when the support isn't their, I tend to be pretty lucky with my mum's and dad's and the mindees get told off whether parents are their or not, and occassionally if mindee goes to parent for support parent turns around or goes into another room while we finish discussing why its not nice to wallop people on the head with the bucket full of bricks, I do tend to find that some children play up something awful when parents are in the vacinity but are absolute angels when they arn't - if one of my mindees have been challenging parents always ask them to say sorry before they leave.

Its you setting and your rules. Mum is very silly not to back you up and quite frankly you must speak to her about this behaviour. Point out that if he acted like that at school or nursery she could be asked to take him home.
Log the incident in your book and get her to sign it so she understands its a big deal. If it happens again I would give her notice or a written warning.... and thats not to blame the child, all kids do things like that, but you MUST have parental backup or you are lost.
I hope you feel better soon, this sort of incident can be very upsetting but if he gets away with it then he will get worse.
good luck x

I would advice you to let his mum know exactly what happened, next time she arrives. Let her know that this behaviour was not acceptable. Did you show her the bruise?

No childminder should put up with this type of behaviour. Let her know that should this happen again that you may not continue to look after the child, especially if this type of behaviour was not dealt with firmly by his mum.

I try to be firm but fair. If the child know they can get away with it they will continue to do it.

agree that it is an incident that should be logged in your book. Whether it happened to you or another child (the kicking) - it's unaccepable behaviour and will not be tolerated.
The mum should acknowledge this. And hopefully apologise!

I would talk to the mum about this. Say I wanted to talk to you about yesterday morning X kicked me quite hard, maybe you didn't realise? I have a big bruise (show her) and say I was a little (quite rightly) upset you didn't back me up.

Do you have a pick up / drop off policy, I had one that explained I like to work with parents as a team to manage behaviour, and that children will often use this time to test what they can get away with. If you have a few mindees you could maybe put it in a newsletter to all parents.

Thanks for the very helpful advice guys,
I certainly intend on making a note in our book.
SammyK: could you tell me more about your pick up/drop off policy? this sounds very interesting and ideal for the other mindees too!

beck88 I can't take credit for the following, as it is from the lovely shoshe.

The Handing Over of Responsibility at drop off and pick up times.

Research has shown that more accidents/incidents occur when both the Childminder and parents are present. This is for a variety of reasons:

? The child may feel that with both adults talking they are being ignored, therefore they misbehave to gain attention.

? The child senses that neither adult feels comfortable taking responsibility and tests boundaries further than they would normally.

? No one is supervising the child sufficiently and accidents occur.

I feel it is therefore best that we discuss this situation before the matter arises and an accident occurs.
It is important that a decision is reached and the child is helped to understand who is responsible for them and when this responsibility changes to another adult.

If the parent is to take responsibility as soon as they arrive, they will be expected to adhere to my Childminding House Rules whilst in my home.
Alternatively I am prepared to take responsibility of the child until s/he leaves my premises.
No child is allowed to open the front door at this time.
Children MUST be accompanied through the door.

You could add to it about how you like to work together with parents to encourage good behoaviour at this particular time of the day.

I don't cm anymore but had so much help and advice from this board, I don't know what I would have done without it.

Your a star! thankyou so very much for the advice, I certainly intend on using it.
This childminding doesn't half test you at times!!