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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Would you use a newly pregnant childminder?

33 replies

FourArms · 06/05/2009 14:14

I'm just in the process of looking for a childminder for my two DS's. I've had a reply from a lady who lives very close by to DS2's preschool which is ideal, but she has said upfront that she is pg.

Personally I found early pregnancy with DS2 absolutely knackering, and really wouldn't have been able to do anything else.

Aside from standard questions, is there anything extra you would ask a CM who is pg? She also has a 10m old baby. DS2 is 3 in July and (IMO) very hard work, although my mum has said he is fine when I'm not around!

Thanks

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FabulousBakerGirl · 06/05/2009 14:15

I wouldn't.

Childcare issues when she has the baby.

Might decide not to go back to work and then a chnage for my child which might not suit me.

Original poster
FourArms · 06/05/2009 14:21

The baby isn't due until November, so this situation could work until the end of the school summer holidays couldn't it?

OP posts:
FabulousBakerGirl · 06/05/2009 14:22

Depends what you want really.

Original poster
FourArms · 06/05/2009 14:28

You're probably right. I imagine that being heavily pg with a 12m old, 3yr old and 5yr old might be a bit much during the summer hols.

OP posts:
FabulousBakerGirl · 06/05/2009 14:29

Don't lose heart. There are other Cms.

Laquitar · 06/05/2009 15:49

Aren't they many women who work when they are pregnant? In various jobs. In offices, in shops, in factories. And imagine if you apply for a job, say in an office, and you dont get the job because they would think that you will take too many days off for your baby etc. I guess in this case we would sream SEXISM and 'what about the father? he can stay home with the ill baby' etc . But whenever someone posts here asking about a pregnant CM or nanny the replies are always negative

LittlePaws · 06/05/2009 16:02

I would use a pregnant childminder, personally I have been full of energy through all my pregnancies, in fact when I was pregnant with number two I minded 2 year old twins without any problems.

muddleduck · 06/05/2009 16:28

This is really tough one because as others have said in any other job I would go nuts if someone didn't get the job just because she was pregnant. But on the other hand when choosing a CM one of my highest priorities is continuity for the boys so I probably wouldn't sign on with a new CM knowing we would have to move them again in a few months time. The boys were once looked after by a pregnant CM which was fine because they had been with her for a while, but I must confess that I wouldn't start them with someone who was pregnant.

has really made me think though about the double standards when it comes to maternity leave.

Original poster
FourArms · 06/05/2009 17:13

Yes, perhaps it is sexist because a man couldn't get pg, but for me, it's about who could do the job best. And at the end of the day someone who has a 10m old baby (so possibly not getting a whole nights sleep anyway), and is in the horrible state of continuous exhaustion that the first couple of trimesters can bring (as I had with DS1&2) might not be the best person. Obviously anyone can get pg at any time, but this lady already is.

I'm not ruling her out automatically because of this though, and am going to meet her. She might be coping fine and have a fantastic sleeping baby for all I know. DS2 likes babies, so would probably enjoy her DD1.

Please don't say I'm being sexist or discriminatory, I just wanted ideas of questions to ask her. Like - are you suffering with exhaustion, how would you deal with antenatal appts.....

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FiveGoMadInDorset · 06/05/2009 17:18

The only reason I wouldn't is you need to think about childcare for when she is on maternity leave and would your DC's be unsettled to move from her to someone else and then possibly back again.

Laquitar · 06/05/2009 17:18

I didnt mean that you are sexist. Honestly. I am sorry if it came out like this. But this is something i have noticed many times here and made me wonder

pointydog · 06/05/2009 17:35

I wouldn't. I've gone for very long-established cms every time as it's quite common to be a cm for a few years and then change job. And I couldn't do with fretting about the maternity cover.

FabulousBakerGirl · 06/05/2009 18:40

I don't think it is about double standards. It is about wanting continuity of care for your child.

liahgen · 06/05/2009 18:50

"I imagine that being heavily pg with a 12m old, 3yr old and 5yr old might be a bit much during the summer hols."

TBH, what happens when parents get pg? They have to look after their own kids and do so without neglecting them. I found this remakrk a bit patronising. I was expecting my 1st child when I was a nanny, and carried on after my dd was born. Brought her with me with consent of parents. It can work, but not with negative attitudes from the off.

Agree with posted who said, that kind of comment wouldn't be allowed in the general workplace.

I do hope you get something sorted.

pointydog · 06/05/2009 19:12

I agree with bakergirl - it's about continuity of care for your child.

atworknotworking · 06/05/2009 19:13

Only thing I would worry about is maternity appointments, being pg isnt the issue, after all a lot of women work up to due date, what I would be concerned about is hosp / doc's anti natal etc and personally my pregnancy was a nightmare spent most of it in hospital, not saying this is the case with all pg but it's a consideration.

Original poster
FourArms · 06/05/2009 19:19

Out of interest, are the discrimination laws the same for self-employed people? Is that like using a contractor?

Actually, I stand by my comment. I found having DS1 and being heavily pg very hard going. I now find DS1 & 2 hard going. They fight, bicker, row over toys. So add in being pg and having your own 1 year old, and I'd imagine it's not a walk in the park! [no pun intended!] DS1 and 2 are used to playing out in the street all day long in the summer, and are like caged animals on rainy days. They are also used to going out a lot to the aquarium, soft play, local 'fun' farms, walks round National Trust places..... I wouldn't want to do that pg with three children.

I might have to rethink the whole childminder issue I think.

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Original poster
FourArms · 06/05/2009 19:22

Good point, hadn't even factored in pg problems. Another factor is that DS2 has ITP - a bleeding disorder which means he needs fairly close supervision. This has meant quite a lot of time off work for me already, and might mean more in the future, so I can't really add in a potentially unreliable form of childcare.

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/05/2009 19:28

When I was CM, I "planned" DS2 to be born during the summer holidays, when my then-current charges were not in my care, so that I'd have a few weeks to recover. As it turned out, he was so late that he was born on a Sunday, I got home Monday and returned to work as CM on Tuesday. I recognise that I was lucky that I was healthy enough to do this, and that my youngest charge was the same age as DS1 (and they'd both just started pt nursery that day, so I got a couple of hours break every day) but it was perfectly do-able.

muddleduck · 06/05/2009 19:46

Why would you need to "rethink the whole childminder issue"?

Just because this one doesn't quite meet your specs doesn't mean that there isn't a fab CM just waiting to be found

We've dealt with disruptions dues to CM pregnancy but I would still prefer this type of childcare to a nursery. Yes in some ways the possibility of disruption is greater with a CM because there is (usually) only one of them but IMO this is more than made up for by the added flexibility that they provide (especially when you have a mixture of school and presechool ages).

Crackopenthebaileys · 06/05/2009 19:55

I am a childminder, and I have a 16 month old dd. I looked after a 1 and 2 year old when pregnant, and had no problem doing my job, even though I had SPD. I am fortunate to have a MIL who is also a CM, and covered my appointments.
I worked until Dec 23rd and had by daughter on January 3rd. I had 4 weeks off, by which time I felt fully comfortable returning to work.
I hear your comments:

"I wouldn't want to do that pg with three children"
"potentially unreliable form of childcare"

You might not want to do that (fair enough too ) but that is her job. It is what she is trained to do. She is a professional, and should be able to factor her day around taking trips out. It's not really that difficult tbh.
The second point is also understandable. However, someone with a one year old could be just as unreliable. Or someone with no children! I am entirely reliable, have never let any of my parents down, and I do a great job (even if I do say so myself!)

I hope you read this with the good will that is intended to you. Give her a chance, meet her, ask about her prior sickness record, and phone the parents of her current mindees.
You could miss the chance of getting a wonderful childminder because you can't see past how you would cope in her shoes

Original poster
FourArms · 06/05/2009 20:08

COTB - you are completely right, and this is why I will still go to meet her.

TBH, I don't buy the 'professional' angle though. Yes, some of you probably are, but just being a CM doesn't (IMVHO) make you a professional childcarer. I could set up and become registered by OFSTED. That doesn't particularly make me any more likely to be able to cope with a brood of kids whilst being pg.

But, I don't know this lady at all at the moment, so I will go and meet her, and find out a bit more about her rather than the hypothetical CM in my mind!

Rethinking the whole issue - because currently my DS's effectively have me or a nanny style form of childcare (my sister who lives with us). So they have never been restricted in their activities. Do I want them to be restricted, and what will the consequences be? Not sure. Obviously it will depend upon the circumstances and ability of the CM I choose.

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Crackopenthebaileys · 06/05/2009 20:20

"Obviously it will depend upon the circumstances and ability of the CM I choose"
You have hit the nail on the head there fourarms.
There are good and bad in every profession.
Yes, I am a professional, as are a huge percentage of childminders out there. I wont bore you tooooooo much with the ins and outs, but it would be nice to give you a little perspective on what we do.
I am governed by Ofsted and have inspections every 3 years. I educate and care for the children in my care according to the EYFS (which is the same set if standards that nurseries conform to)
I attend first aid training, and keep up to date on lots of training courses. Safeguarding children, Social and Emotional development, Makaton, Learning through Play, and speech and Language development to name a few that I have been on in the last year. I run all my of own accounts. Does it sound professional now?
We are so often under-estimated, as babysitters making a bit of pocket money, which really saddens me. This is my career, something that I have chosen to do, and find it incredibly fulfilling and rewarding.

Having said all this, she could be a rogue one with no paperwork or professionalism. It's nice that you will keep and open mind, best of luck, I hope that you find someone that feels right for you

mollythetortoise · 06/05/2009 20:25

i wouldn't because of continuity of care. It can be a lot of upheavel moving childminders and can be upsetting for children. My ds for example would find it upsetting, my dd less so. You know your children best. If a current childminder got pregnant,that would be different as we would have a relationship with each other already and the kids would know her well and so I would wait till she went on maternity and play it by ear then but I wouldn't choose that from the start.

RachieB · 06/05/2009 21:43

"........ As it turned out, he was so late that he was born on a Sunday, I got home Monday and returned to work as CM on Tuesday......."

wow is that even legal ?! or does that not apply if SE?

i had an easy birth with my youngest son and was home 6 hours later,and moving house ( 1.5 hours away) 5 days after that! lol

but wouldn't have fancied being "back at work" that soon !!!