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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny Share- anyone done it/ doing it?

14 replies

LetThemEatCake · 06/05/2009 12:22

we're considering looking into it, but my control freaky side isn't so sure.

What have been your experiences of it?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Laquitar · 06/05/2009 16:07

Just seen your post and didnt want it to go ananswered because i like your name Ok well regarding the control i think whatever childcare you choose you have some problem with control. But yes maybe you need to be a bit easy going person to do nannyshare. I would say that if you find a good nanny and family it is worth. I have done it many times (as a nanny not as mother) and only one didnt work. Basically you have the luxury of a nanny-with all the pros of having nanny-but at lower price. The things to bear in mind are: a)You need to have a very good and experienced nanny for nannyshare b) it would make things easier if you have similar parenting style with the other family (regarding food, discipline, naps etc) c) holidays can be a bit tricky as there are three parts to dicide the dates d) make sure you sort out things from the begining like practical staff ie double buggy etc and which family will host, how you share the nanny's meals etc. I hope this helps

bumpyboo · 06/05/2009 16:11

My experience so far has been very good but both families are very easygoing and have similar parenting styles. Would agree on all Laqs points (I'm a Mum by the way)

gizmo · 06/05/2009 16:22

I'm in a very good nannyshare right now. Laquitar is right on all points - it's definitely easier to find a share family if you can live with a bit of give and take.

Are you thinking of a concurrent share (where all the children are looked after at the same time by the same nanny) or a consecutive share (splitting the nanny's time between two families)? The first is more difficult to arrange, but gives better savings, the second is easier but you won't really save much money.

Be very clear about the payment and tax arrangements - you can save a good slab of tax with a nanny share (both employers will be able to claim the exemption from employers' NI, which lowers the tax burden a little) but only one employer can claim the tax exempt portion of salary. To even things up what often happens is that the families agree the 'official' salary and tax to be paid by each employer, but then pay a slightly different split of the total into a pool account.

It's not easy and it requires plenty of communication with the other family, but it has got advantages beyond the cost saving: more children for your dc to play with and another family to pick up the slack if childcare arrangements get a bit problematic (you will inevitably get to know their kids pretty well).

Original poster

LetThemEatCake · 06/05/2009 16:34

thanks for your replies ladies.

Laquitar - you mention that one didn't work - why was that, if you don't mind me asking?

OP posts:

Laquitar · 06/05/2009 16:40

Oh one of the mums was a bit precious. She was causing problem every time the other baby had a bit of running nose. Actually this brings us to another point that you must discuss with the other family: what you are going to do when one child has a contagious illness. Also she was talking to me about the other family which made me very uncomfortable

Original poster

LetThemEatCake · 06/05/2009 17:40

oh god.

what about if - this is going to sound really lame - there is jealousy or suspected favouritism? Like, if one mum gets funny because the other child's speech or whatever is more developed ... or she suspects you of having a favourite?

I have so much faith in human nature, as you can see!!

no seriously, mums are a funny tribe and I am wary.

OP posts:

gizmo · 06/05/2009 17:41

Easiest way to avoid that is to try a nanny share with a child of a different age, IMO.

Heath999 · 08/05/2009 13:31

I have had a really good experience in a nanny share for the last year - as a parent. The first family we were going to share with didn't work out, our parenting styles are too different, but we still are friends and do playdates instead. The second family is going great, and this is really because our approaches are very similar. I think that is the key to making it all work. Make sure you have a good honest discussion with the other family before you start. Talk about what you will do if one of the kids catches a cold, if one of the kids bites/scratches the other, what food you will allow your child to eat/not eat, what activities you want them to do, how far you are willing to let them travel with your nanny...
I think it is a great way for the kids to still have lots of attention from their carer, and as a bonus they have a proxy brother/sister too.
Re favouritism - this is really tricky, hopefully your nanny would be professional enough not to show this or let it affect the way they look after the kids, but if you suspect your kid isn't getting an equal share, it is probably time for the nanny/you to move on... As far as speach and other development goes, kids are so different, and this is so obvious in a share - what my child is really good at, the other child isn't, but what he excels at my child doesn't - they kind of balance out and they get to learn from each other.

HarrietTheSpy · 08/05/2009 14:31

We are currently in a share.

Agree with what the other posters said re the main issues.

On the cost side, be aware of the tax issues as Gizmo said. Although she seems much more informed than I am! I am relying on [very well known payroll company] to sort it all out for us. Ours is a consecutive share. We have only ever employed our own nanny before this - there is a noticable difference when you aren't getting all of her tax allowance. So, essentially the numbers you are typing into the nanny tax calculator on line to work out what it's going to cost you will be low! The nanny has to agree to share it. But if one of you 'found her first' or you're joining a share...I guess in principle you need to make sure they ARE willing to share it with you...

Make sure you agree the payrise thing together - we've had some miscommunications on this front. But as she's doing slightly difference jobs for each of us, that's worked out okay. I guess it's more of an issue for 0- what did gizmo call it? - a concurrent share!!

fridayschild · 08/05/2009 18:51

Would you be less control freaky if the share took place at your house? I shared for a year and was pleased it was all happening at my house. The other mum wanted her child to have experience of being cared for outside his home and I was on her way to work anyway so that worked well.

Runny noses are one thing. Would you like to consider chickenpox? That is a pretty good test of one's resolve to nannyshare.

FabulousBakerGirl · 08/05/2009 18:52

I did a nanny share a few years ago with family a and b and then with family a and c.

happy to answer any questions.

BelleWatling · 10/05/2009 20:52

I have a question for nanny sharing parents - how did you meet your co-sharees? Everyone I know is using nurseries so I have subscribed to a nanny-share website and want to know if there is any protocol advice IYSWIM I know that parenting styles & discipline need to be similar - did you put together contracts? Agree an informal code of conduct? (I know it sounds a bit control freaky but I work for a big corp)

Also how do you work out pay for a concurrent share if you don't do exactly the same hours? Ideally I'd like to meet someone with the same hours and 1 child but how do you proportion pay if family A has 2 children but only needs 3 days...and family B has 1 child but needs 5 days for example.

FabulousBakerGirl - I am sure I will think of something when I come to hiring the nanny.

gizmo · 11/05/2009 17:06

Hi Belle

I was introduced to my nanny share partner by my nanny! TBH I found the nanny share websites just didn't work for me...maybe I was unlucky as I was looking for something quite specific and unusual (a concurrent share with all the kids being looked after in my house).

Anyway we had a couple of meetings, one without kids, one with and I put together a brief note (which I phrased as a briefing note for the nanny) on how the nannyshare would work. I put it in writing because I was keen on making sure everyone understood exactly how things would work - and it gave me great confidence that we had found the right nannyshare partners when they were positive about the note and contributed to it!

To sort out division of hours, I just calculated how many 'child hours' the nanny was working each week, ie the duration of care for each individual child all summed together. This obviously is a lot longer than her working week but allows you to arrive at a reasonable estimate of the division of labour.

Heath999 · 11/05/2009 17:56

First attempt at nannyshare was with a friend, and that didn't work out. But after an advert on Gumtree I found a family that it is working great with, one year down the line still going strong. I did speak to quite a few prospective families, and in the end kind of let the nanny choose who she thought would be best suited. The nanny and the other mum went for a long walk and discussion with both kids in the park and that seemed to work out well. This was for a "concurrent" share though.
The key think is that it is a three-way relationship, so nanny needs to be happy with both families, not just the families happy with each other...

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