It's all so bloody complicated!

[MrsMattie]

I've been an SAHM for severaL years and have a 4 yr old and a 6 month old. Just been offered my dream job, initially on a 6 month contract and starting in a month's time.

I am in a real quandry about childcare.

From the end of the month, when I start, until the end of July when schools out, I need someone to have my 6 mth old full time-ish and my 4 yr old for most of the day (he's in nursery 9-11.30am M-F). There is some flexibility re: 'full time' care needed, as my mum can commit to doing a day a week childcare, and DH might be able to do the odd half day here and there each week, too (he's self employed).

Then come the summer holidays - when DS won't be at nursery at all, so two kids pretty much full time needing care. Again, muma nd Dh around a bit.

Then come Sept, DS at school, so I need someone that can do school pick ups (morning drop offs not such an issue) + have my baby DD full time.

Where the fuckety fuck do I start? Can't have a live-in nanny. Do I go for a full time live out nanny? A nanny share? Try to find a childminder that does school picks ups and school holidays.

Need advice from experienced working mums and child carers alike, please.

Should add - i worry about my DS being left with a nanny and his baby sister all day. He is very active and demanding of attention/time, and quite jealous and disruptive with his sister. It is a struggle having them both sometimes. There is also a question mark over whether he might have more complex needs - he is currently being assessed by the SEN people at the LEA...

I understand it's a complete nightmare. It has driven me insane in the past.

My options would be to employ someone inexpensive (less qualified or experienced perhaps) for more time than you need in order to give them a decent chunk of working hours, but get them doing housework or similar for the time when you don't need them.

Alternatively hire in advance different childcarers for the periods you need, i,e, someone for term time on a short contract and then a summer childminder/mother's help.

A nanny share could work but it does seem rather like a recipe for misunderstanding and rsentment unless there was enormous clarity from the start about how you will manage the changes.

That said, there are also regular daily nannies, some with own children/study that need similar flexibility and are effectively in the same position as you in that they are trying to find nanny work that fits around their changing commitments!

Good Luck and Well done with the job!

Could you find a different nursery - one ds can go to full time until the autumn and which doesn't close for school holidays?
Otherwise, nanny is probably the most straightforward option though also the most expensive. Does the job pay well enough to cover it or is cost and issue?

well, personally if I was in your situation I would be looking for something that mimicked our home situation as closely as possible.
so, basically, a replacement me.
which I guess means a nanny.

I am sure a good nanny will be well able to deal with both the children, even if your son is very demanding. You'll be the one choosing the nanny, so you;ll be able to make sure you get exactly what you want.

I can't imagine putting my kids in nursery full time, I'd rather they had one main carer, preferably in their own home.

am sure you;'ll get plenty of other views on this one rthough!

Is there a wraparound service at the school (i.e. before and after school care). If there is, and you can get a place for your ds, then that is his care sorted possibly (in term time at least.) This is assuming you can muddle through until September. Our wraparound is very flexible. I work shifts so I only pay for what I actually need, as long as I give them 2 weeks notice. In your case your mum/dh could perhaps collect your ds on the odd occasion direct from school without you having already paid for the session.

Wrt to your baby, from personal experience I would seriously consider a cm. We used nursery for dd1 and it was great, but it didn't suit my more sensitive dd2. For a young baby (and this is obviously just imo) a cm is great. My cm works some of the school holidays. For the rest of the time we muddle through. (i.e my dh or I take some half days, my mum takes dd1 for a couple of nights, I request to work a weekend or whatever!)

I don't have any experience wrt nannying, in our case although I would love one we couldn't afford it.

forgot to say that some of the "wraparound" services also offer holiday cover for part of the holidays, meaning that the child would be with familiar staff and children.

A good childminder should be able to accomadate your needs.

As there seem to be people arguing for all different kinds of childcare, and you are rather pressed for time, maybe what it will come down to is what you can find most easily in your area - eg are there good CMs around you with space/does the school provide wraparound care, etc?

Also a cm may be able to have both of your dc for part of the school holidays, even if she didn't have your ds in term time.

Good luck btw

Do you know what I think may be a good first stop is to find your nearest Children's Centre and make an appointment there to discuss. They are best placed to establish who and what might be available in your area in terms of wraparound care and childminders and they wil also have links to Government agencies with good links to childcare info, esp. in terms of costing it all out. With private cover, i.e. nannies and the like, you will have to research yourself to a greater extent but Gumtree, nannyjob, and local agencies will all provide pointers.

HTH

Thank you for all your thoughts and advice.

No wraparound care at all at DS's nursery/school. The nursery he is at now is attached to the school he will go to, so would rather not move him now, too. When he starts in reception in Sep, it will also be one of those endless 'gradual settling in' scenarios, where he goes for increasing amounts of time over a period of a few months. Annoying, actually!

I'm going to investigate the childminder and nanny options. A nanny share might be good if we could find one - then my mum and DH could juggle for a couple of days a week between them, possibly? Although I like the idea of DS being able to interact with other children at a childminders.

God, it's a minefield isn't it?...

The children's centre idea is a good 'un, thanks hobbgoblin.

Do be aware tho if you use a CM, that most (but not all by any means) will charge you full day for your 4 year old till he is at school full time, as he will be taking a full time under 5's space till then, even if he is at pre school.

The charge is because the CM would not be able to fill the space in the morning as you would need the space in the holidays.

This is my Policy for under 5's

A child is counted as an under 5 by Ofsted until they are in full time education i.e. at school for 10 sessions a week.

A child who is at pre school is a under 5 and if they are with a childminder before and after pre school, and require a fulltime space during the holidays they therefore are taking a childminders full time space. As such you are required to pay full fee for the time that they are at preschool, as the childminder cannot then fill the part time that they are at pre school.

If you can afford it, I would get a nanny until your DS is full time at school in October-ish. Nannies will take your children to lots of activities so they can meet other children. If you're in a big enough place, a nanny may well have some nanny friends so even during the summer holiday, when there's not much on for little ones, they can play with other children. A nanny can also do playdates with your existing friends, either at your house or out. Round here a nanny is cheaper than two nursery or CM places.

Then in October you can move to either a CM or a nursery for your DD. A lot of CMs will do school pick up, as do some nurseries. If you want a nursery place, you'll have more chance of getting the one you want with six months' notice.

Personally, I prefer a good CM to a nursery for full or nearly full-time but finding spaces is not always easy.

I would go straight for a full time nanny. I just have 2 normal (very active) kids 3 years apart, but I can say with hand on heart that my nanny has always been much much better at keeping them under control than I am (am I supposed to confess to that???). What I find 'tough going' she finds a breeze, and it is not just a personality thing - she genuinely sees it as a 'profession' so what I see as stressful situations she just sees as part of the job. And because she is not as emotionally attached as I am (although she does love the kids to bits) she is able to stay very calm all the time. she has also pointed out that I am of course always going to be more stressed because she knows that at a certain time each day she 'knocks off' whereas the mum has the whole night to go through and still has to be a 'mum' 24/7. For example, if my son were to hit his sister, I would probably get stressed at the time and then stressed agan later wondering if my parenting or whatever needed to change, my nanny just reacts to the bad behaviour, sorts it out and forgets about it from an emotional point of view..

I am probably gabbing on without really making myself clear, but the point is what you think might be a very tough situation for a nanny to cope with may well not be, as far as the nanny is concerned...

I'd agree with the last couple of posters - I have had a nanny since mine were 3.5 & 9m, with the older one in half-day nursery. They were fine even with both at home - older one gets "special" attention while younger one sleeps. My DS had a box of toys his sister wasn't allowed and loved to get those out while she slept.

Now ~16m later one has started school and nanny has a crowd of friends. They have fairly regular morning activities after school drop-off and dd gets her sleep almost every day, sometimes at other people's houses. My nanny seems much less stressed than me even after a 11.5 hour day with them!

Good luck with sorting it all out and I really hope your "dream job" comes off!

nanny if you can afford it. kids looked after in own home, you set the agenda (food, naps, activities) to the extent you want to. continuity of care. nanny can cover when kids are ill so you don't have to take time off (but can be ill herself). nanny hrs even for live out can be pretty flexible if you need it - mine used to do 7-7 4 days a week. DS in reception will be too tired for after school club, child minder etc - will probably just want to come home and chill.

PS this job would be breeze for most nannies. many look after 3 or 4 kids for 12 hr days, yours would have lots of time with just one charge.

i think a nanny will be easier for you as she can come to your house, rather than you get 2 children up and ready, as well as yourself and then drop off at nursery/cm

also once you have 2 children, a nannys costs are nearer a cm

i am sure that a nanny will be able to cope with your son as well as his baby sister, many nannies have 2/3 charges

tbh i wouldnt go down the nannyshare route unless money is a real cost - esp if you do think your ds may have sen

most nannies are very sociable, prob more than cm's as we can decide on spur of moment to go to park etc unlike nursery and some cm as they have other children/famillies to consider - where a nanny will just work for you

is your dream job going to turn perm after 6mths?

if your mum can do one day a week, then i would look for a 4 day nanny - nannies love 4 days jobs, pref with a friday off