Starting off on the right foot (APs)

[Millarkie]

I wish there was a AP host family forum so I could let rip about current AP but anyway......
Tips required for how to start off on the right foot with next AP..please.

I have handbook - with info on house, routines of all of us, local info etc.
I have 'duty list' - broken down into jobs which happen at a certain time (ie. child watching 4pm-5.30pm) and jobs that need to be done by the end of the week (dust living room shelves).
I pay generously and the jobs add up to fewer than 25 hours.

So, without writing down all the niggles which we have been through and making me look like an obsessive nightmare - how do I get through the first few weeks without being a pushover and ended up in the situation I'm in now???

Unfortunately I also have an overlap between current AP and new AP (which is good if current AP introduces new AP to some friends but not so good if she also hands over her bad habits), but I"m taking off a few days to show new AP around the area etc.

When I'm back at work should I schedule nightly chats with new AP and question her as to what she's done or not done? Should I create a tick-list for jobs?

If anyone wants a laugh I can list the things that current AP has done that is making me so paranoid about the next one

Update:
She's gone, she's gone, lalala, so happy, she's gone

New, hopefully sane, AP arrives on Saturday.

Now I just have to clean up mess left by last one

Was she Romanian by any chance Millarkie as she sounded an awful lot like one girl i had who used to eat everything including my Godiva chocs that were a birthday pressie and still sealed.
Glad you are free of her,gd luck with the next

Glad she's gone! She sounded a total nightmare. Hope the next one's better.

Not Romanian - German. T'was quite funny this week since I bought a lot (800g) of chocolate to use to make her a goodbye cake. Bought it tues evening and put into cupboard, came home wednesday 3pm to find that she had used some of it to ice gingerbread men and the rest to make hideous chocolate mousse..so no cake for her then.
My missing lunch boxes (3 of them, every time I bought one it went missing) have magically reappeared, as has the measuring jug (yes I did ask her if she had seen them, but no, she didn't have them - t'is magic I tell you!)
Deep Breathes - going to try to clean some of the muck and then have WINE..

Mind boggles at what she was doing with 3 lunchboxes and a measuring jug...

Lol, I'm happy you're shot of her for you haha Sounds like a disaster

We've been cleaning her room - and found that she had almost completely blocked her shower drain (it made a good foot and ankle bath) and has broken the toilet seat. Have cleared the drain but dh is going to have to do an emergency trip to the shops tomorrow am to get a new toilet seat and fit it before driving for a couple of hours to pick up new au pair..in the meantime I was meant to spend tonight cleaning all the corners etc that AP always cut..but we have a power cut so I'm sitting in the dark and surfing because the computers are on UPS..only wish the kettle was too!

hope the new ap is a lot better than the old one!

Millarkie - it makes a nice change that it's not me posting about my au pair woes this time (I could, but I won't today ).

I massively sympathise with you and wish you lots of luck for the next one. I don't think I'd appreciated quite how tricky a relationship the au pair / host family relationship is. You want them to feel at home, but at the same time, you don't want to be treated like a total mug. I got to the stage where I felt that I was constantly following behind DD with a potty and AP with an open purse. Weirdly, I preferred the potty!

I decided to put my foot down a lot more firmly with AP#3 who arrives in September, and have amended the house rules significantly (e.g. Do not help yourself to our booze whenever you feel like it; do not hog my PC 24/7; the car is only to be used for getting around with DD and not for scraping around all of the kerbs, walls and parked cars in the locality; when your family and friends come to stay (which will not be every 3 weeks) I will not be paying for all of their food, drinks, transport costs, etc.; you will not eat all my chocolate!!)

I would not have an overlap period either. It's bad enough that AP#2 and AP#3 regularly Skype each other . Oh well, prob all academic anyway as I'm going to be winning the lottery tomorrow night and will be so filthy rich that I'll have no more APs but instead will stay at home reclining on the sofa while DD peels grapes for me....

Coffeeandcarrotcake - Are you Me??

Dh discovered that there are wax droplets in the carpet by au pair's bed. At least it wasn't a new carpet.

Im having overlap as def want current aupair to train new one(decided i couldnt let down new girl) so if new girl is awful will have to give her notice an keep currant one.But im hoping for good things as she had good refs and when we chatted told me about a lazy greedy horror of aupair she was trying to train in one family as she was going home,said she couldnt let her loose on"her family" so stayed extra til another nice one was found.

I like your plan TF!

Our new one has arrived and so far she is very quiet! very very quiet! Early days though

CoffeeandCarrotCake
You'll have to share that lottery win with me, I'm afraid.

good luck with your new one. I am having an Au Pair break as the last one we had lasted a week. She was Swedish and a complete mightmare. Didn't come home her second night - although she texted me at 2am to tell me that. Loads of strange and weird and wacky behaviour. Even though she was only with us for a week I was so so happy to see her go. I'd rather be knackered and run ragged than have a mad swede in my house.

I am with Jules' approach: "the more AP's I have the stricter I get." And if I spot things have not been done or are amiss, I mention them right away.

Millarkie, I could not bear to read your descriptions of your aupair's bizarre behaviour. After the first one, I was already thinking 'get rid' and then it got worse!! A bad egg will show itself quite quickly. I am totally appalled she did not take care of your house.

I am amazed you still have a sense of humour. Hats off to you

Hi there .. Wish me luck all it's change over day.. Old AP went today back to Mexico and New South African AP arrives tomorrow. Am madly amending houserules and trying to get her room nice and clean... just a thought....Do you ask your departing AP's to get their room ready for the next one or would that be a bit mean....??? Was worried when I read Mousemole experience .. I have the week from hell at work next week and boss not best pleased I am taking early am and late pm off for the next 3 days so really hope this one is not a flake!! Fingers crossed

Good luck Jules - We have just had a meal with new AP and it was very relaxing not to have the children barked at every few minutes for their (normal for age) table manners. Although the quietness is a bit worrying in itself.

AP number 1 did get her room ready for number 2 without us asking her (she was very lovely in general although very stressed that last week.) We didn't ask AP number 2 but I didn't think her room was in that much of a state (was more worried about the wallpaper because she had stuck photos everywhere than anything else). but I was wrong.

currant apair can bring order to any room in 15min flat and she keeps her room pretty tidy unlike mad new zealander who had bags and bags of rotting rubbish everywhere,took ages to get rid of the smell when she left.I generally ask them to remove any rubbish and plates etc,strip their beds for me to wash and hoover the floor.But sometimes if they are so bad i dont bother i just try to hustle them out the house quickly
Millarkie how is her English? is she shy?We tend to be very loud talkative family so girls have no choice but to talk as kids ask them loads of questions and after a day or so of settling we do a movie night or go bowling to break the ice a bit.

i always clean the room when leaving a family /strip the bed/make the bed, hoover, clean the bathroom, chuck all the rubbish out - simply leave it nice and tidy for anyone who comes in/. it would be very embarrasing to leave my mess for the family to clean up! if there is someone new arriving after me i usually leave them a letter too.

TF - She's been in the UK for a year and has completed an Advanced ESOL course so we are talking at 'normal' pace and not limiting vocabulary. She seems to understand what we are saying but is replying to questions with 'closed' answers..not keeping up conversation, asking the odd question but she has a quiet voice as well which compared to our last AP in particular is a big change for us. (Also ds is hearing impaired so I hope he will be able to hear her!)
She is really upset about leaving her last family (end of contract) and is a bit tearful so she might be louder when she's settled a bit.
Catepilarr - wish my APs were like you! (Maybe this one is )

dont forget that the art of conversation is something that comes with beeing british ;)

Oo, I hope she livens up soon Millarkie!

And I love being British just for the conversational side of things, it's awesome being able to go out into the street and talk to any old stranger for half an hour, only in Britain!

And Millarkie, remember that if you need a nice young couple early next year I'm about ;)

Pixi - I'm not going to forget - honest..just need to work out if this AP is a good'un and will last the distance (she's 'booked' for 9 months) or if I'll need to make a change sooner. She's still quiet but she eats! Including carbohydrates! Which is an improvement on the old one.

Lolol, only reminding :p tbh I've half given up on the idea of AP coupling now, it just isn't going to happen I don't think! Back to PGL or something I reckon grumbles Hopefully when I turn 21 I'll be able to get onto a cruise or something

I should hope she eats! The fact your last one didn't seem too worries me :/

Pixi - she ate - but exotic fruits, heaps of veg and occasional chicken breast..no carbs, no sweets, puds etc. She was thin