DS doesn't get along with childminder's DD, what do I do?

[Easy]

Ds has been going to this childminder (CM) about 18 months now, and generally it's just about working out.

CM has 2 daughters, aged 6 (B) , and just 4 (F). my ds is 5 1/2.

However B is not getting along with ds at all, and for the last week CM tells me each day that ds has hit B. Now CM admits that B calls ds names, and teases him, and I have seen B in the school playground, she seems quite a spiteful child (not that ds is an angel).

BUT .... How am I supposed to deal with this? I accept that ds should not hit, he knows this, and he doesn't hit other children. I have discussed it with him, and he just says that B teases him, and won't stop, until he loses his temper and hits (then she runs to her mum complaining). I keep telling him it isn't acceptable, and have stopped him using the computer 2 nights this week because of it.

I feel that while he is at CM's home, discipline is her responsibility. I can't do any more, esp. if he is being provoked repeatedly by B. I also rather feel, that when she tells me about DS hitting, after she has made him sit on his own in her hall for 20 mins (while the others watched telly) she is sort of 'telling tales'. If she has metered out punishment, then shouldn't that be an end to it on that day?

Help.

As a childminder myself I would not have sat a child of that age on his own for 20mins a good guide for time outs is 1 min for each year of the childs life.
I don't tell the parents often of what has happened but I do in certain circumstances one sibling set I mind reguarly pinch or bite each other I feel that the mother needs to address this whole issue as it happens at home. Another incident happened when a mindee was v.nasty to another child much younger than her and she was not sorry and only cried because I wouldn't give her thing she had been trying to take away.
I think that you may need to talk again to your childminder and discuss the issues with her and say that you know your DS is no angel BUT and if its not resolved than I would find alternative care for him.

Thanks Xena,

I am seriously thinking of dispensing with her services, if I can find an alternative way.

bump for any further advice while I sort out an alternative.

I think 20 mins is too long as well

But if I have 'punished' a child I must inform the parents, thats not telling tales - or is it?

C/mee age 2 didn't eat her lunch so she got no pudding....punished - but I still told her mum.

I think C/Mer should be able to either control her dd or separate them

Not much help am I? Good luck

i would class her dd behaviour as bullying and i would expect her to do something about it. not sure what legal position would be for terminating contract with her if it does not stop, but i would have strong words and tell her you will find other arrangements if she allows it to carry on. and i would be furious if my child had been made to sit on chair for 20 mins when it seems another little brat started the problem. i would expect to be told about incidents but would not punish ds at home as it has been sorted by her (badly). am not a child minder but have used them in the past. ds actually prefers after school clubs to cm. are they are a possibility? i know there are several near me can collect kids from a fair distance away. might be worth checking out?

Hi, thanks.

I know I need to be told about ds's naughty behaviour and punishment, but she makes an issue of it in front of ds, and seems to expect me to punish him too.

I just think that CM should be able to deal with this, but seems not to know how to handle my ds. He is the first boy she has ever minded, always been girls up to now (until 2 years ago she was a full time nanny). Trouble is, I don't want to seem too protective towards him, altho I think she's favouring her own dd a bit (I would tho' wouldn't I).

You obviously do LOVE you own children more. BUT you can't let that affect your work when you are a childminder, they should all be treated equally. IMO you should report her to Ofsted.