Sulky au pair

[gettingniggly]

We have had our au pair for 8 months and up until now she has been great. A little emotionally dependent perhaps but that's not unreasonable for someone away from home for the first time.

She has just taken some holiday and has been really sulky since she came back. We have planned a few day trips away as a family and she appeared quite naked that she wasn't invited. I did explain that we needed some family time ....

However now we are now planning a weeks holiday abroad and quite franky I want it to be just us. Au pair is clearly upset about this. I have explained about the need for this family time and she says she understands but there is such an awful atmosphere. I have suggested that she use the week to see a bit of Europe etc and have some time away.

Maybe I am a little au-paired out and need a break but the emotional stuff is starting to get to me. DH says that we have given her too much and now she has overly-high expectations. Does anyone else have these problems?

LOL at "she appeared quite naked"

Sorry you are having problems - we had an experience with a very emotionally needy aupair - who it turned out had a history of psychiatric problems. She left in the end - huge sigh of relief from us.

What has been the arrangement with holidays up to now?

If she's always come on holiday with you (day trips or abroad) she may be confused and upset as to why she's being left behind now. Although if you've had company on family trips for eight months, I totally understand your need for some space. It all depends on what you've agreed beforehand. Can she afford to travel in Europe on her own?

How long was she planning to stay with you?

I can't believe I wrote naked....I meant narked of course!!

No we were clear from the start that some days away she would come and some she would be family time. We never made any plans about holidays.

She could afford to travel but chooses not to. In fact we have positively encouraged her to get out and see places. However as she told us, she prefers to "sit and read".

Am toughing it out at the moment but feeling a bit guilty!

But 'naked' was so funny I was to think that an AP might sulk by suddenly appearing naked..and then I worked it out.

More constructively - Has she made any local friends? It sounds as if she is very reliant on your family, whereas my APs have been tolerant of us but certainly would not want to come out on trips to us (not that we go anywhere terribly interesting for 20 year olds ). They are too busy meeting friends for coffee or going to the movies etc.

I am beginning to agree with the thinking that 6 months is a good time to swap APs, just because the niggles build up and get more irritating. How much longer are you expecting her to stay?

Good god, what a ridiculous state of affairs where you are all worrying about the effect you have on a sulky teenager. She is your employee, Tell her to wise up!

totally agree moondog.Would have thought most teens would welcome a bit of time away from the family. tell her to wake up or ship out, your kids cant enjoy her company if she is a sulky miss anyway and may even pick up her bad habits..

I have been with my host fam since November and am the same as her in the staying in reading a book sense. I tend to lounge about at home a lot but then I'm studying for my NVQ 3 so I have an excuse to stay home!

But I do plan on using my weekends this summer a bit more, I just don't want too now, I'm enjoying the private life after 6 months of none at all before this job!

Tell her to wise up and get sorted, you're only young once so she should take advantage of her settings and explore!