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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Is it normal for CMs to give advice on parenting to clients?

27 replies

mistressmel · 17/04/2009 13:40

Hi! I have never written a thread before, so be gentle with me.....

My query is about a conversation that my CM asked to have with me yesterday in which she asked about how we discipline DS etc as she wanted to know we were doing similar things ie time outs etc.(seemed responsible - even though we had these discussions at the start contract over a year ago and I wouldn't have signed the contract if I didn't agree with her style...).

DS is 16.5 months and an only child (at the moment) and I have recently had to go back to work full time. DS has his Dad at home 2 days (shift pattern dependent) and me on weekends and CM approx 16-20 hrs per week. My CM is new - I was her first client and DS is her only boy (she has two DD and other female babies). The behaviour she was querying was stuff I thought was fairly normal for toddler boys - ie, starting to use body to get own way with toys etc. She seemed concerned that this would lead to him injuring one of the other kids (all smaller girls) and hence would reflect badly on her to the other parents. She also thought his behaviour was attention seeking (more than her girls) and that she didn't have time to pandered to this (which is fine with me - he has to learn).

I feel a bit weird after the conversation (1.5 hours) as I felt that I had been called to the headmaster's office and had my parenting style (and that of DH) brought into question. Do other CM have the same chats with parents? Any advice you would give me would be most welcome. I think I am very reasonable as a client and often change DS sleeping patterns to fit her day better (not always best for DS at the time...). But after a few of these 'parenting pointers' I am beginning to think she may be overstepping the role of CM into that of a social worker (her old job) and as I don't consider my family dysfunctional (yet) - I am slightly affronted.

Sorry for the long rambling post...

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
LaQuitar · 19/04/2009 13:51

i have read it . It doesnt matter what you are. Generalisations are always bad. And your posts are full of that. Thats it

juuule · 19/04/2009 14:33

From reading the op it seems to me that your ds is being a bit rough with the other mindees. Nothing unusual about that (boy or girl). It seems that recognising that it's behaviour that needs addressing the cm has requested a chat with you so that you are both dealing with it in the same way in order not to confuse your ds. I can't see anything critical of your parenting style or wrong with the cm approaching you about it.

However, your post does seem to be implying (could be wrong) that you see this rough behaviour as a 'boy thing' and are a bit affronted that your cm would want to discuss changing it. It's not a 'boy thing', it's a toddler thing and it does need something doing about it to stop others getting hurt.

I, too, think distraction, talking, removing from situation is more appropriate than time-out.

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