cm club- so close to packing it all in.

[floppyearsandcurlywiskers]

Having a bad day today. I know we all have off days and no job is perfect but my bad days seem to be coming just far too frequently at the moment. I feel used and taken for granted by one particular family. I agreed to be flexible for them but feel they are taking the piss now always changing the days and hours with no notice at all. Another mindee picks on my youngest ds terribly which is causing big problems. My older children I feel are having to make too many sacrafices, they say they feel sad that the focus is always on the little ones. So I feel like I'm a crap parent and probably a crap cm too. Have had a bit of a cry today infront of the children which I am very cross with myself about but i just couldn't help it. Little ones are all asleep now and my older children are watching tv so going to have a cup of tea and some chocolate to see if I can make myself feel better. Being school holidays really isn't helping as the groups and activites we normally go to are not on so feel a bit out of routine. Just needed to vent really. Off to put the kettle on...

Aaw {hug} bad days are awful, especially in school holidays! How old are your own dcs?

Your situation sounds very similar to mine and I now officially have 9 cm'ing days left. I always said I would cm to at least ds going FT at school but like you my bad days were becoming more frequent and TBH it was affecting my work and my home life was reallytaking a knock from it, my little boy feels the same as yours and we were all becoming resentful.

Have that relaxing cuppa and think about what is in your control that you could change.

Family who are messing you around, can you afford to give them notice? Or tighten up your contract with them so you have at least 24 or 48hrs notice of childcare sessions?

Quality time with your own DCs - can you do something nice with them one evening or weekend day each week?

Could you change your job? There obviously are positives and negatives to doing this, but worth seriously considering even if you find yourself saying no way.

Hope my rambling post helped!

It sounds to me like its the famillies causing you the problems rather than you actually being bad at everything. It can get too much sometimes I know there are times that I have cried, lost confidence and it takes time to re-build it but if you want to change things you can.

The changing hours with no notice is not on they must know in advance what they need, they are not considering your needs I would call them and arrange a meeting to discuss it, tell them honestly that they are making you think about quitting because you feel so taken for granted and it's unfair to treat you that way, that you enjoy caring for their children but this treatment of you and the lack of consideration for you and your family is not on, if that doesn't make them treat you better I would give notice tbh because once you've laid it on the line theres nothing else you can do is there?

The child picking on your ds, have you had a chat with their parents too and drawn up a plan to deal with his behaviour?

What about signing up for a behaviour course so that you feel you are doing something to build your skills and you can work in a group that has people who may have had similar experiences to you?

Thank you. Something needs to change, I'm just not sure what at the moment. I used to only cm 3 days a week but since taking on this "flexible" one I don't have a regular day off in the week anymore which makes it very hard to plan anything for myself or my children. For example I have booked dr or dentist appts and then had to cancel them as I was needed. I think that is the main problem really. My kids are 9, 6 and 2. I perposely decided I didn't want to cm everyday as I wanted my 2 year old to have some special mummy time and so in the holidays we were able to do "big kid" stuff too. I don't do school age children apart from walking my friends 2 boys to school 3 times a week and having another friends 2 once a week after school.

I am really hoping things will improve as the little one grows out of the challenging behaviour. Only child so although the parents are supporting me trying to sort it out the child only really mixes with other children when with me so not alot they can do to help?

just read through your posts quickly (sorry!0 but i reckon the first thing you need to do is NOT be flexible about your days off. with 3 of your own children you DEF need the time for yourself and for them.
it is so hard getting doc and dentist's appointments that to have to cancel it is not on!

Feeling a bit better now, littlest mindee the "flexible" one, has gone home now, 6 year old has gone to play with his friend and 9 year old has gone to the park to play footie with his friends. My 2 year old and other mindee are playing fantasticly together in the sandpit while I am watching them from the decking with laptop!

I was brave and said to flexible's mum that I needed to know what hours she needed for the rest of the week and could she let me know by the end of the week for next week too. She was really apologetic and thankful to me for being so accommodating. So we have agreed what I am doing the rest of this week and I said to her that I can plan things round her now. I said that as she has requested tomorrow just for the morning I can now plan to go out with my dcs in the afternoon so now fingers crossed she won't do what she has done in the past which is say just morning please and then at lunchtime sent a message to say actually can she have all day!! I must not put up with that anymore!

Glad you are feeling happier

Definately say no a few times if she does ask at the last minute, so you are not as taken for granted, explaining you have made other commitments.

I bet the mum had no idea she was making your life difficult.. talking always helps.. As for your own kids remind them that at least you are around and if you were doing any other job it would be them at a cms house or nursery.
my youngest is 10 and she has been a bit resentful of the time i have spent with the mindees this Easter, so last Sat I took her shopping and we had a pizza and I told her that the money I spent on her came from cming, so she could see the direct benefit..
I also invite friends to spend the day with her and that helps a lot.. bordem brings on resentment.. hope good weather lasts...

Well dh and I had a chat last night and we both agree that I NEED a day off during the week. If I have this I will have a day to be able to make appts (dr, dentist, hairdresser etc) will be able to catch up on cm paper work and nvq work and also catch up on washing and house work etc and ofcourse the occaisonal day to just chill and watch cbeebies with my 2 year old too!!

I will feel better because i will know I have that day and will feel more on top of everything. So I have looked at the contarcts I have with parents and which days I have committed to them and one day stands out as I day I am not contracted to anyone so am going to tell parents that from beginning of may I will not be working on that day each week. Do you think this sounds fair and reasonable?

Yes - you need time for all of that. Its difficult to fit everything in and it can interfere with your family life - I know mine suffered when I was doing the DHC and NVQ.

I also have parents that have chopped and changed hours and days - sometimes changing hours on the day itself . Because business has been slack the last few months, I think I've become a bit too soft for my own good - grabbing extra hours when I could, but I intend to build some 'me' time into my week in future. My ds starts full-time school in September and I want to spend some time with him before then - as well as have time to get my hair done .

Floppyears, I could have written that very same post a year ago, I also have 3 of my own and felt too that during the holidays they were neglected because of mindees needs and wants (wrote many a post about it), I had worked every single holiday up until this xmas (6yrs in total) and then decided enough was enough as working every day during the holidays took it's toll on my children, even down to little things like not having the chance for them to wake up in their own time instead of being woken up at 7am by the first mindee arriving so they ended up being shattered as I tried to cram things in that they wanted to do at the end of my working day.

I took the decision of working only half of the school holidays and fortunatly for me my parents have all been supportive. Most of my present lot of mindees are leaving in July/September and I am trying to replace them with term time only children as I don't want to work every single holiday, I need to spend it with my own children. This may not be an option for you but it is an idea for the future when your DS is at school.