Our wonderful au pair has gone home and we are all in pieces - how do I help the dds get through this (and me too for that matter?)

[Pollyanna]

that's it really. Our brazilian au pair left yesterday after a year here and dds 1 (8) and 2 (6) are both very upset. She was here while the baby was born and is his godmother. She left in tears.

I am too - I spent alot of time with her (more than with dh really) and was so close to her.

I'm not sure why I'm writing here - we are all so sad and will just miss her so much

(and how can our next au pair even start to compare?).

I'm glad to see a nice AP note here

I s'pose that all you can do is remember that the new AP isn't your last one, and give her time to settle in

My host famly had an amazing AP for about a year, and then hired me to replace a new AP they had who wasn't great, and it was hard to live in the first APs shadow for a while (after they got used to me it was all okay though!) so try not to let your new AP feel that and try form a bond with her, my MB did that and I do love my job and the kids like me so win-win situation!

Actually, to add though, my two charges are older and they really do miss their last AP still. I chat to them about it and they feel better for it and tell me stories about her adventures before and during her stay with them which helps them.

we did have a fantastic ap before this one too and we are still in touch with her as well, but I think I was closer to the latest one, and because the girls are older they are more emotional this time.

We went out for a milkshake and all feel a bit more cheerful now (girls are waiting for ap to email them though )

our first au pair was fantstic and none of the others that we had were ever as good as her

The children still miss her and keep asking if she can come back again

are you still in touch with her Paula?

Do you Skype?

Also we have BT international (which you have to ASK for, threatening to go to TalkTalk) which gives you free international calls to something like 36 countries (not sure if Brazil is one of them or not as I don't know anyone there!!), at least that way you can all call her as much as you like...

I know it's not the same as all living together though

yes we are still in touch

we stay in touch via MSN.

She is german and currently studying there to be a teacher. She leaves there soon to go to New Zealand for 6 - 9 months which will be great for her but means that we won't see her at all whilst she is there.

Our second au pair was lovely (and a friend of 1st au pair) but not quite in the same league as our 1st. Our 2nd au pair came back to visit us recently which was lovely for all of us.

The two girls are studying together and have both been accepted onto the NZ programme . We will still stay in contact through MSN though.

We are going to get/do skype (or whatever!), and she has the brazilian equivalent of facebook. I will have to investigate phone tariffs - we are with Virgin, so no idea what we can get with them.

dd3 (4) is very upset now

I have decided not to become close to the next one - it is too traumatic!

It's every bit as emotional for AP/Nanny, children however move on rather quickly as long as they're looked after and have fun. It's very much like grieving, gets easier with time.

I keep in touch with several of my Ex charges/family, children move on quite quickly luckily but it's lovely to get a huge hug when I visit(from child & Parents).

The worst thing you can do is decide beforehand not to become close to the next one, not fair for her!

how nice though that they will have such lovely childhood memories of her..
hope the next one is great for you all too.

thanks, we hope so too (she starts on Monday).

We have had 2 other aps and a nanny that we were really close to and are still in touch with, but this one is the only one over the other side of the world.