decisions, decisions....

[stainesmassif]

have just been to see a childminder (am doing the rounds in prep for return to work in a couple of months)...when i spoke to her on the phone i didn't realise she was actually a close neighbour - blame post pregnancy cheese brain and a very strange road layout.

anyway, although she was very nice i don't think i want to use her, largely because of our proximity as neighbours. the convenience of dropping lo round could be outweighed by too much involvement in each others' lives - plus i didn't click with her 100%. though she is very nice.

would you be offended if someone didn't want to use your services for this reason? i don't want to upset a close neighbour over this - and probably wouldn't have arranged to go round in the first place if I'd realised who I was talking to.

sorry for length of post and wooly thinking.

You aren't obligated to use her just because she is your neighbour. But, I don't really understand how a childminder can be too involved in your lives. Isn't it a good thing that you know her well and would know if she was say having big parties while looking after your kids. Or you could observe on the weekend if she let's her own children play in the street. I would think cloceness is a good thing. But, then I invite my childcare to come live in my house so perhaps I'm just different.

You don't have to use her if you don't want to. I mind 2 children who can see my house from their bedroom windows. Their parents often wave to their children in my garden when they are working from home and I sometimes walk the children home with the other mindees, to save their parents coming out. Works well for me, but if you didn't click with the minder, then that is a different consideration altogether.

Yes, i think i feel guilty because there's no reason that i can put my finger on for not clicking with her, and wish that i had really - it would be so much easier. Any hints on tactful ways to let her know?

I don't think the close proximity is the issue, you didn't click and that's much more important in my opinion.

I can see why you wouldn't want a neighbour childminding for you.

I wouldn't want to live in the same street as my employer (if I lived out) to be honest! (Nanny)

ps, to clarify, the closeness is physical - this was the first time i'd spoken to her other than 'hello' 'nice weather' etc

i think the "clicking" thing is more important than the proximity. and for all you know, she feels the same! i have had people come for an interview and immediately known that it would work well and then had others where, as lovely as they are, it did not feel right.

to let her down gently, perhaps you could say that place XYZ was more suitable for your LO. After all it is all about your child and how happy you and the child is about the care!

clicking is important, so if you didnt then dont use her

i also wouldnt want to live too near my family, even though i do love them but i have been known to pop in occassionally at weekends, they live across form a pub i use, so sometimes dh and i pop in to say hello

one of my friends lives next door to hers - bit too close for comfort for me, but she is happy - just as i wouldnt want to live next door to my mum or mil

of course, everyone's right, the main reason that i don't want to use her is that i didn't click with her, but the main reason that i feel uncomfortable telling her is because of the proximity. i got that backwards!

i have already seen a lady that i was very comfortable with from the word go, so i guess i'm going to go with her and be honest with my neighbour.

advice much appreciated.

You could use all sorts of excuses if you think she'll be offended - the other CM had less/more young children or less/more older children. The school runs were closer to the school so children wouldn't travel as far. CM has flexible hours, the garden was larger, no pets/has pets .... You name it!