Aupair going home as an emergency

[thinkingabout3]

Aupair broke it to my last night that her parents are divorcing and that she would like to go home and give some support to her mother. I don't doubt her as she was in tears as she was telling me about it but she's going tomorrow. Luckily I'm winding up work and have taken 2 weeks off over the easter holiday but what a pain in the neck especially as she only came back from 2 weeks at home about 4 weeks ago. She is promising me that she's coming back as she needs to and that she's not going for more than 2 weeks.

Luckily I have managed to arrange a cleaner a couple of times a week whilst she's away but there's a big festival coming up that I needed her to help me with.

I told her that as I'd paid her 2 weeks holiday when she was away last time I wouldn't be able to pay her when she goes home this time and she seemed fine with it.

What a pain.

or
poor her

If you aren't working for those 2 weeks is it really such a huge deal? Esp if you have a cleaner.

Good God you're heartless

Is "helping with a festival" part of an au pair's job description?

Sorry, I must have completely written this wrong, I am more than happy for her to go home, I told her that she must and bought her ticket for her and I want her to be with her parents and it's not that big a deal but we'll miss her because we really like her. The children have been making her little cards to take back with her. The extra help she gives me is always extra pay and within her hours anyway. I never ever take advantage of her.

I want her to be happy as she's a lovely girl. Of course I'm a bit sorry for myself but only because i need to make alternative arrangements but the most important thing is that she's supports her parents and deals with their separation as best she can.

Having your parents split up at any age can be heart breaking.

Poor girl to be away from home at such a time.

sorry x-post there.

Can appreciate what you're saying.

I know, I feel absolutely terrible for her, she had no clue it was on the cards, she said that they seemed fine when she was home a few weeks ago. I just want her to be happy, I'm not heartless, she's part of our family and we'll do anything we can to support her

I'm sure you're a lovely person really, but what do you expect anyone on here to say to you? Poor you? Don't worry I'll help out?
You're home so she's clearly not needed and has personal issues that thank heavens you're being sympathetic to, but really?! Why are you feeling sorry for yourself?

Well I'm going to say:

Yes, it is a pain, it's unfortunate and of course you feel sorry for her but you presumably had her for a reason (and even though it's not inconveniencing you majorly it's still irritating). However, you sound like a lovely person and it's nice of you to let her have the time. As a childcarer working overseas I honestly don't see my employer doing that. In fact, getting a day off to attend my grandfather's funeral was like getting blood out of a stone and it's a legal requirement in France. I can understand why you're feeling slightly peeved - it's annoying - but you are doing the right thing letting her go.

You are right, I shouldn't have posted. I have a massive amount on over the next couple of weeks as we're an orthodox jewish family coming up to a major religious holiday which means that I need to clear my entire house of any kind of bread / flour products, dispose of them, replace all my food and and dishes, crockery and utensils with new one and then I have 20 people for dinner next wednesday and 15 for dinner on Thursday. Everything has to be prepared in advance so was looking forward to some help with the children which had all been agreed in advance for extra pocket money.

Sorry I won't post about it again. I just want the aupair to be happy and will do anything to facilitate that but at the same time I am a little stressed about how I am going to get this all done.

Could you hire some staff from an agency to help with the meals? It sounds fascinating, BTW. Do you have to do this every year?

I personally think you're allowed to feel a bit sorry for yourself. Of course its upsetting for her but its also a pain for you.

Good luck with getting everything done - can the children amuse themselves or be involved in the preparations at all?

Of course you should post - I stand by what I said. You did the right thing letting her go even if it's inconveniencing you and that definitely makes you a nice person in my book.

Okay you sound much different now, hope you manage to get everything done okay

If it's practical advice then here's mine: Take the au pairs 2 weeks wage + pocket money and pay someone else for help. I have seen a student on the childminder pages advertising her services as a nanny while home for Easter. Maybe you can try to get a student with CRB check in similar situation? Put advert in local college where they do childcare? Ask your friends for a reliable responsible teenager who could help with kids while you are in house preparing?

You could have a look on your local gumtree.com - there are students on our local site looking for holiday childcare jobs over easter.
You have my sympathies - losing a helping hand is not good at any time (even when it can't be helped).

The OP can feel sympathy for the au pair as well as feeling sorry for herself at the inconvenience.

Nabster is absolutely right, you can actually have sympathy for both in this situation. Good God, some people are heartless! The OP came on for a little bit of a moan, and not a major 'woe is me'session. Cut her some slack!

What a pain (for both of you).

Can you ask your friends if they know any babysitters, au pairs, nannies, who may want to earn a bit of extra pocket money to entertain your children while you get on with preparations? Any neighbours with teenage children who wants some pocket money? They can look after your children in your home, read to them, play draw, or do crafts while you prepare?