Never used a CM before (PFB warning!)

[FairMidden]

OK, so we're going to see a prospective CM next week. I've already met her a couple of times in passing and liked her - she seemed laid back and the kids with her obviously adored her.

DS is 20 months and fairly independent, and I think this will be good for him as he doesn't get to see other kids much and a new scene will be fun for him. Until now he's always been with DP or me, apart from the odd occasion when he's been left with GPs for a few hours.

A few concerns which I will have to ask her about but don't want to seem like a complete paranoid control-freak ...

I know on one day she'll have a couple of toddlers at once - how will that work if she has to do eg school runs?

What about the sleep thing - he's always been a tricky one re sleep [massive understatement] but DP has cracked it so he goes to sleep really well if he is read a story and then sometimes he needs DP to wait with him. Surely a busy CM won't have time for that - am I going to come home to a mega-tired child possessed?

It's going to be OK to send his food with him, isn't it? Not in a precious way, just easier to know what he's eaten so I can plan dinner and avoids any issues if she wants to feed them Gregg's sausage rolls and fruit shoots every day

There are so many other things, most of which will be fine. It's going to be so weird coming home for lunch and knowing DS is in someone else's house just along the road

Shameless bump.

Someone also said to me that kids love her but they diplomatically said she wasn't that "structured" and they wouldn't leave a tiny baby there.

To me unstructured is fine - he's only a toddler, all he needs is a home environment doing normal stuff.

Ask her all your questions. She won't mind.

You might like alibubbles list of questions, it does cover about everything to ask.

How long have you been working with children?

What training have you had? Any qualifications? Are you part of a network, achieved a quality assurance qualification, look at registration certificate, insurance details, business use for car. First aid must be no more than 3 years old, food hygiene certificate, Certificate in Childminding practice or NVQ 3, Contracts and record forms

Do you enjoy being with children and why?

Can I look around, see the rooms and outside play space? If there is no outside play space - how will you make sure my child gets the chance to play outside?

Where will my child rest?

What kind of food and drink will you give? Can I see a menu?

What will my child do all day?

How do you encourage good behaviour?

Will my child be with a regular group of children? How old are they? How will their timetable fit in with my child?

How will you make sure I know how my child is getting on?

What hours is she open?

How much does she charge?

What about when my child is sick, holidays, days off

What do you do in an emergency?

When was her last Ofsted, can you see the report?

Top 10 Quality Pointers

When you visit possible childcare options, look for these Quality Pointers:

Are the children calm, safe, happy and busy?

Do children play and talk together?

Is the childminder listening to the children and answering them carefully?

Is the childminder friendly and proud of her work?

Is she joining in joining in with what the children are doing?

Are there lots of fun activities planned to help children learn and play? Can children plan some of these activities themselves?

Are there plenty of clean toys and equipment for children to use?

Is the premises clean, well kept and safe for children with a fun outside play area (or will the child go to parks and other places regularly)?

Do parents have plenty of chances to say what they want for their children?

If there are other things you want to know, don't be afraid to ask. Good childminders expect you to ask questions and will be happy to answer them.

Always take up references. You could ask for names of other parents to talk to about the service

Listen to your child and find out more if he/she is unhappy
Always trust your own feelings about your childcare - you know your child best

I understand your worries, she wont mind you asking all these questions, will probably appreciate you asking them now and getting everything off your chest, rather than later on once she thinks everything has been pretty much established. A normal childminder will not take on more than they can handle. To be honest we earn less than the minimum wage and no one is going to stress themselves out for that! If she cannot manage with too many children she wouldnt want to take on an another one.

Great, thanks. I know so little about how all this stuff works!

I am being very PFB but we've been so lucky to have him with one of us for so long and it will be a bit of a wrench. He's gone from being a really trying baby to a lovely, funny, sweet little person and I don't want him to be unhappy.

Hey dont ever think you are being PFB when it comes to your child, bottom line is you need to get the best childcare for him and need to be 100 percent happy or its gonna cause pproblems with your cm relationship down the line. Remember go with your instincts but also give it a settling in period, normally 4 weeks and if you don`t feel things are right then look elsewhere.

Also ask about snacks and discipline. One CM I looked at ticked all the boxes until I asked about snacks/sweets. She said that she regularly gave sweets to her mindees. I don't mind sweets occasionally but she said she did so every day. She also had an odd style of discipline. When I visited she had her own 2 yr old and a 2 yr old mindee. Her 2 yr old kept hitting the mindee and the CM's idea of discipline was to threaten her 2 yr old with calling the child's father at work! Was pretty shocked tbh. I was desperate for a CM as the one I had arranged ages before phoned up and cancelled the week before I was returning to work.

I eventually found another CM who was excellent but having seen about 4 I knew when I met her that she was right and ds stayed with her for 3.5 yrs.

Not sure about sending your own food, to be honest - it might cause problems if the mindees want each other's dinner or something like that. I think ti's far better for people to sit and eat the same food together.

But it's absolutely fine to ask for the week's menus so that you know what he's eating and you can say if he really doesn't like something.

fairmidden - just to say i had all of the same concerns as you. my 16mth ds has been with his cm for 3 weeks now and my experiences so far (albeit very short!) have been hugely positive.

and he has behaved in a massively different way at cms.

he sleeps for hours (i was really concerned that he wouldn't daytime nap there, but he sleeps there more than at home!) (i think he is so tired from all of the other children/all being different) and doesn't cry when she puts him in cot.

we have experienced (on tue and today) a bit of crying when we've left him, but cm said he was fine before i even got to the garden gate. when i went to pick him up, he wanted to carry on playing, rather than come home!

anyways, i guess what i am saying is that it will be much better than you think. be prepared to search lots and get a cm you are absolutely happy with. gut feeling is huge. we saw a cm who was fine and i didn't disagree with anything she said, but i just didn't 'click' with her and as well as ds being comfy, i wanted to be 100% happy and confident to ask for things.

practically, our cm has a double buggy for the school runs, as she looks after another toddler and older children too.

good luck

ps our cm is hugely laid back, but quite firm. tbh, with my control freak nature, i think ds has the best of both worlds.

I agree with Seeker. Check what food will be on offer before deciding to send your own. For one thing, it's an extra chore for you and for another, the childminder's food might be better than you think.

I've had parents insisting on sending their own food and I have to confess I'd really rather they didn't, even though I accept their wishes.

Invariably the child arrives with cold fish fingers, peas and potatoes that has to be reheated, or just cheese sandwiches, instead of simply joining us for the roast chicken and trimmings I've prepared and cooked.

wish my cm would provide food, tis a pain to think of food that can be reheated and not be manky!

Wow, I kind of thought CMs wouldn't mind as they seem to charge extra for meals - makes it seem like an option to send lunch in IYSWIM.

I sent lunch until ds was 12months and since then it's been heaven not to have to bother with that. He eats fantastically at the cm - roasts, curries, stir fries, plenty of fruit and veg. Nothing that would worry me and plenty that puts my cooking to shame. So definitely check out their menu and save yourself the extra effort. As for planning what to make for dinner, that's easily solved if they have dinner at CMs too. Although I understand if you want to keep doing that bit. Sure CM will keep you in the loop about menus so you can plan.

Like others have said, sleep patterns/habits will probably be v different at CM. My ds (18mo) still does a long nap in his cot at home, but at CM he normally has 45mins-1hr in pram and is fine on that. Just being around the other kids makes them act differently and in my experience they really benefit from it. All the best with finding the right CM and ask as many questions as you like. You need to feel you've found the right person then you can all be happy.

'Wow, I kind of thought CMs wouldn't mind as they seem to charge extra for meals - makes it seem like an option to send lunch in IYSWIM.'

We have to charge extra for meals, food is expensive, especially if you are buying fresh veg and fruit and bread etc. every other day... and we have to have very high hygiene and cooking standards too... food thermometeres, different cutting boards, packing fridge properly, fridge thermometers etc. Like a catering co. but in a home environs.

I offer all food, have a fabulously nutritious menu (breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, freshly cooked tea) and all mums and dads say their kids eat things with me they don't at home - often the case when sitting down to eat with other kids! Great encouragement for them to try things they usually don't

Re kids having different food to eachother (some prepared by me, some brought by mum) with a toddler it isn't ideal as this can lead to squabbles and tears at the table. It also gives me more work tbh. Under 1 is fine though, up to mum and dad.

Re the sweets... I never give my mindees sweets... and cake only on a birthday... our 'sweet treats' are the times we do baking - fairycakes, brownies, oat biscuits etc. My snacks are always fruit/carrot batons/raisins etc. There are loads of healthy snacks out there and there is enough sugar in many of those without going down the sweet route imo ;)

Re sleeping.... I have had new kids start and mum says they don't sleep well... and here again... seeing the other kids napping really helps them settle and sleep. I've only had one lil child who was very fretful in going to sleep and it took much work from me every day to settle her and let her sleep... took a few weeks and she went down sans a whimper. LOADS of patience (and backache!) but it worked

Often, routine (eating, sleeping, tidy up time etc.) is easier to fall into when there is more than one child... and positive peer pressure plays a role here too.

Sorry if you felt I was being critical Jenni - I really didn't mean it to sound that way. I just meant that because there was an extra charge it seemed like it was optional in the sense that if I wanted them to feed my child then I would have to pay extra. Does that make sense? Probably not! Anyway, no offence meant!

I hadn't thought about different kids having different meals being a recipe for disaster tbh - I can see that it may create hassle for you though!

I think we just need to have a whirl with it and see. We live in a small community so I really don't want to fall out with/upset/offend anyone. I know this has happened with CMs in the past here. Thank you all for your advice and experiences

No worries FairMidden, no offence taken at all, just adding different ideas due to my experience as a CM

My fee includes food automatically, many CMs do not include it in automatically... and then again, some CMs prefer not to make a fully cooked tea at all, as they don't have time (family committments etc.), or don't want to have the hassle of all the strict food handling/prep etc. we have to do.

CMs offer a variety of services, one of the reasons I think CMs are great - servicing parents differing needs for their kids.

Kids want what their friends have often, hence there being the possibility of a downturned lip... You know how kids are sometimes haha Doesn't change as they get older ;)

For a mum, being separated from their little one is a HUGE step and adjustment - for both mum and child. So don't worry about asking loads of questions as that's what your CM is there for

just to reassure you - I wouldn't consider your questions unreasonable and would be happy to answer them....its not being PFB (whatever that means!! - being precious or something?)

I've recently had my one child who used to bring a packed lunch change over to having cooked meals along with the rest, and boy what an improvement there has been in his table manners and behaviour generally. He was forever trying to snatch the others food, throwing his own about and generally being whingy and disruptive at the table and now it's all sorted. I think it shows it's important to even quite small children that they feel they are treated the same.

I've recently registered as a childminder and waiting for the calls.
My own children love pasta with everything and i'm going to base my menu on what children like to eat and once i have a mindee i'll incorporate what they like as well (as long as it's not chips and pizza and nothing else).
I'm going to use fresh eggs from our hens and vegetables from the garden.
My fees include all meals and snacks and i'll be getting a lot of use out of my slow cooker and freezer!