Hiring nanny for first time - am I being unreasonable

[sam12345]

Hello,

I am hiring a nanny for the first time to look after my 2 kids (ages 4 and 1) when I return to work next month. (4 year old is currently at nursery and will start school full time in Sep 09). Ive never had a nanny before and don't know what is the norm in terms of flexibility and would really appreciate some guidance.

1. Her working day is 8am-6pm and I won't get in until 6pm. Can I expect her to give me a little time to get changed/freshen up etc when I get home? I had a chat with her today and she seemed quit rigid about finishing at 6pm on the dot.

1. I have 2 friends who have nannies and both say that their nanny does 1 night per week of babysitting, without any extra charge. Is this normal?

I think my nanny has sensed that we are desperate and each time I speak to her she seems less and flexible in her attitude, but apart from that I really do like her. Should I leave things as they are for now and iron out minor details as we go along, or should I go through ALL details now, and risk losing her ?

I am not usually this indecisive but am struggling with doing the right thing this time.

Many thanks, Sam

If you know you won't get home until 6 you would have been better off having a finish time of 6.15 to allow for handover and time to talk about anything necessary.

Could you not contract her to finish at 615/630pm then? You can't really expect her to stay later than her contracted finish time "for free" every evening.

As for the babysitting, some nannies are happy to include one night a week, some expect extra pay. I used to include one night a week when I was full time, but now as I am part time I just get an hourly rate for each hour I work.

I would recommend drawing up a contract with her before she starts so you are both confident of what is expected from each of you, then as the professional relationship develops and you both feel more comfortable then things can be altered a little as and when. Good luck

If you want her to work longer than 6pm, then why didn't you agree that? If you've employed her from 8am-6pm then of course those are the hours she is going to want to work.

With babysitting, it depends on what you agree with the nanny - some nannies agree to inclusive babysitting, so will babysit for extra pay, some won't babysit. Again, it depends on the contract you've agreed to.

If you want her to work until 6.30, pay her until 6.30, but if you don't want to pay her after 6, don't be surprised if she wants to finish work then. If you're suggesting to her that she might have to work longer than her paid hours before she's even started no wonder she is sounding a bit 'inflexible'.

I have some flexibility with my nanny occasionally, but if I want her to do more than her contracted hours sometimes, I give her time off in lieu another day.

Her normal finish time is 2.30 and if I don't get home until 2.29 I certainly don't expect her to hang around while I faff about 'freshening up'. If I want time to myself after getting home, I make sure I get home earlier than she finishes.

I do not think it is reasonable to ask for a time to freshen up when you ae home. your kids will be desperate to see you and prob you to see them too. your nanny will have worked a v long day and will want to get away. a night's babysitting thrown in only means you will be paying her an awful lot. that does not seem reasonable to me. we pay our 1 day a week nanny v v generously and always allow her to finish the moment i am home and never ask her to babysit as we do not want her to feel obliged to say yes. if you treat her well she will be happy and want to continue to work for you for a long time and give a little extra effort. imagine how you would feel about how you are treated in your work that is how we try to be as employers.

If you won't be home before your nanny clock's off, then increase the working hours. It is far better to be able to let your nanny go home early, than for you to be arriving home regularly late.

Live-In nannies may do x number of evenings babysitting included ... live-out nannies don't do any included.
How often do you actually go out in the evening? You may find that using an agency actually costs less, than your nannies hourly rate. Of course you could offer the nanny fist refusal on doing the babysitting.

Is your nanny live-out or live-in?

Should I leave things as they are for now and iron out minor details as we go along, or should I go through ALL details now, and risk losing her ?

I would suggest going through all details now, prior to agreeing the final contract... as then each side knows what the score is.

Definitely agree all details now, there could be trouble if you later disagree on something quite important to one of you and you hadnt discussed it in advance!
I agree with the others about the finish time. You either need to get in at 5.45 and handover for 6pm finish or you need to extend her hours officially to 6.15/6.30pm.

I used to have my nanny clock on in the morning when I walked out the door and clock off when I returned. It made handover very difficult. There was never time for proper comminucation. I did it because I was stretching the affordability of employoing a nanny anyway. I recently changed jobs and work a lot fewer hours. I just left the nanny's pay and hours where they were because I didn't think it was really fair to chop and change them when I had offered her the job at a set rate. So now I have about an hour in the morning and sometimes an hour in the evening when I don't actually need her. But it's great having that time to handover. i ususlly muck in in the morning when she is struggling to get them both out the door with shoes, coats, and book bags. There is definitely an improved relation all round.

I hope the op hasn't been scared off!

I'm not sure whether or not you were suggesting not paying her Sam but if you weren't sure, then I'm sure you'll see now that from a nanny and an employer pov that'd be what is acceptable and fair?

You have already interviewed and chosen your nanny, so presumably at the interview you talked about hours, holiday, pay etc and now you are asking her would she do this and would she do that. I think this is what the problem is, she is probably wondering what else she will be asked to do after she has started.

One of the reasons I walked away from a job before I started last year was because when I received the contract there was one babysit a month to be included in my wage. you may be thinking "only 1 a month" - but the reason it was a deal breaker was that it had not been discussed at the interview and babysitting hadn't been mentioned at all. I also didn't think it was usual for a part-time 3 day a week job, the Mum was not willing to negotiate this and said she felt it was the norm! It made me wonder what other unexpected 'extras' there may have been once I started. I didn't think it was a good basis for a working relationship, but had it been discussed openly at the interview I may have accepted it or negotiated it.

I think if you want extra time, you should pay for it. After a while, there might be some flexibility but at first stick to teh rules.

I have 4 children and have had nannies and mothers helps for years. I think one of the main things I've learned is that it has to be a totally professional relationship. You have to understand that is her JOB and therefore she requires payment for every hour she's with you (and an extra few minutes a day can really add up). You shouldn't routinely expect any extra unpaid time from her. In the same way you wouldn't expect her to routinely be a 'few minutes late'.

def iron out any things now - tbh she is prob a bit pissed off that hours and bs has changed from what you discussed and agreed

of course she wants to finish at 6 on the dot - just as you prob want to finish at 5pm on the dot

if you want to have 10mins to get changed etc then you are going to have to see if the nanny will change her contract hours till 6.15 but obv you will have to pay her for her extra time

do you think you will be in at 6pm every night or will it be more like 6.10 as this will SERIOUSLY annoy your nanny

unless live in,then bs isnt included in the salary UNLESS prev discussed

i know it sounds like all the nannies on here are very unflexible, and I can promise you we arent - most will bend over backwards to help their employers

have a chat with your nanny and sort things out now BEFORE the job starts

Nannies are like other employees... once they clock off, they like to go down the to local Spa/Health Club, go for dinner/cimema/the pub etc with friends. They may have another job to go to.
It is so much better to get the contract agreed such that you are often home early and are able to let the nanny go home early. That way you build up some grace... for when you get delayed coming home, or want to request that the nanny works late one evening.

if you want to freshen uo you need to employer her until 6.15 / 6.30 and let her leave early in your time
.... not use her time to freshen up.

Agree that even if you walk through the door at 6.02 each night it will annoy your nanny.

It is normal for live in nannies to do a week night (not friday) babysitting once a week. Its not normal for daily nannies; however if you add the extra pay to her salary... so add an extra £30ish per week i expect you would find someone happy to do it.

Agree with the others over what time you get home - you need to be in 5 - 10 mins before her clocking off time as she will need to tell what the children have done/eaten/slept etc (even if a nanny diary is kept, it is still important to have a verbal exchange - funny little things the children have said or done etc) and you will probably have a few questions for her. This should be done in your time not hers.

Leaving 10 mins late every day adds up to nearly an hour unpaid every week. Though 10 mins may not sound a lot it can be annoying if it is every day.

Agree with blondes - we may be sounding unflexible here, but the majority of us nannies are not, as long as things are upfront. I love my job and am very flexible over lots of things. I work a 3 day week and am happy to swap days if my boss has a meeting or conference on a non working day, I have a hospital appointment next month and my boss has kindly swapped a day that week for me. It is impotant for the flexibility to be both ways and not just for the employers convenience.

And thinking about this some more, I can't imagine getting home and going off to freshen up before greeting/hugging/kissing my children that I haven't seen all day

I agree with the others...you can freshen up when your nanny has gone home..do you not think your nanny would like to go home after a 10 hr day and freshen up??

A live in nanny will be expected to babysit 1 night a week included in salary, but a live out usually will not.

We are however quite willing to be flexible sometimes, if we are respected and treated right!

agree with others. 'Freshening up' is a privelege we lose once we have eager adorable little children to greet once we come in from work! Isn't it straight into the finger painting/playdough/listening to stories about who ate a worm? 'freshening up' doesn't really enter into the scheme of things, really, does it?

I would have thought pay her an extra 15 mins for a handover so you can hear her thoughts on your children's day and any issues, rather than being up in the shower, TBH.

And yes get it all absolutely, 100% clear now, before she starts....

We have 1 night a week babysitting in the contract for our live out nanny. But it is Mon - Thurs night, so she can say no to Friday or Saturdays. If it is later than 10pm we pay more. Typically it is only till about 8 or 9 pm because we are both working late on the same day. I mentioned all this at interview.

I wonder if this is the issue with your nanny - that after she has accepted the job, you are thinking of other things you would like her to do?

I would recommend a contract with a clear list of duties. Nannytax has one.

as nbee said - i also have been known to swap my days for mb,just as mb swaps for me

its give and take in jobs - for both employer and employee

so sam - after we have scared you off

what are you going to do?

Any update op?