Au Pair for 1st time - what's the etiquette ?

[mousemole]

We have our first au pair from Spain starting in a few weeks. What is the etiquette with food and eating ? Do I ask her what she wants to eat and include it in my shop or give her money to buy what she wants ? ( if so how much ?). Am I expeceted to cook her dinner every night ? ( this will be tricky). Also, as much as we want to welcome her to our family and have fun together, DH has v. stressful job and doesn't want to eat with her every night. Can she eat with the children ?

She's supposed to be like a family member, so ask her if there are particular things she likes and include them in your shopping. Will her working hours include giving the children tea? I think it would be fine to ask her to eat with the children, but she may want to eat later or go out to eat with friends sometimes etc. Make clear at the start your expectations for her eating with you and spending time with you in the evenings.

hi willow, yes, she will be working 4.30 - 7 in the evening, helping with the childrens tea and clearing up. DH isn't normally back till 7.30/8 so we eat quite late. I guess if I explain this she will be OK with it.

If she's Spanish unfortunately she will be used to eating late. But I still think that you should suggest that she either eats with the children or organises her own. You can always ask her to join you occasionally when you are in the mood.

I usually take the au pairs with me for a few food shops so that i know what things they like to eat for future reference.

I also leave a £20 "kitty" for them to buy in extras that we don't have/snacks/things we have run out off etc.

My last au pair ate tea with the children as she was making that meal.

At weekends, if they are in, I ask them if they are eating with us.

We have kids' tea at 6pm and dh/I eat nearer 8.30. Au pair either eats with the children (I cook, since cooking isn't part of her job) or (quite often) fixes something for herself. Our au pairs have both tended to eat a very late (2pm ish) hot lunch and then just snack in the evening.
At weekends I ask if she wants to eat with us, if she is in the house at a mealtime (we put in our 'handbook' that during the week we would like to know if she does not want a meal, and during the weekend we would like to know if she does want to join us (since she is generally at home in the evenings but out at weekends).
As for choice of foods, I always ask if there is anything that they won't eat/don't like. And we have a shopping list up in the kitchen for her to add any special purchases too (both au pairs have asked for daily exotic fruit, last one drank a litre of fresh juice per day, this one eats 2 full fruit bowls a week plus a variety of nuts - all healthy stuff at least).

I think so long as you tell her from the start that you and your DH want to eat alone in the evenings it will be fine - let her know it's up to her to either eat tea with the children or help herself to something later.

When I was an au pair, the family ate together in the evenings - or if the parents weren't home early enough, I ate with the children. On the weekends, it worked pretty much how it does for Millarkie - if I was in over a mealtime I would eat with the family, but if I was going out then I would let them know. I was normally still in bed while the family had breakfast (and often lunch) at the weekends, so would just get myself toast or a sandwich.

If I was eating with the family though, I would always help out by laying the table, making the salad, getting drinks ready etc even if it wasn't work hours - I think the au pair/host family relationships that work well are the ones where the au pair really is treated (and does behave) as a family member - preparing meals and eating together is part of that.

some really useful info here, thanks very much. Millarkie, can you tell me a bit more about your handbook please ? Sounds useful.