Getting started with an au pair

[dreamteamgirl]

Hi all
I am thinking of getting an au pair for when DS starts school in September. It feels like although it would be more money than breakfast club and after school club it might be better consistency and make MY life easier

As far as I can tell after school club just gives them a biscuit or a few breadsticks, so I am invisaging (?Sp?) arriving to collect him at 5.15 then taking an over tired, over hungry, worked up little boy home and spending the next 2 hours neglecting him while I cook for him, then rushing about feeding him and getting him to bed! Doesnt sound like much fun for either of us.

My, probably slightly idealic, alternative is to have an au pair who walks him to school, comes home and does a little light housework- eg changes DS' sheets, washes DS' clothes, pops the hoover round, loads and unloads dishwasher and keeps their bathroom clean, then collects him at 3.15 and plays with, feeds and entertains him till I get home at 5.15 to spend a couple of decent quality hours with a fed, chilled, happy little man and give him his bath and get him to bed.

Is this realistic, or am I living in a fluffy rose tinted alternative reality?

Having read all the other threads I can find I have lots of other AP related q's but will save them for another day

Thanks if anyone can help

Jules xx

I would say that it is realistic... but no such thing now as an Au-Pair, as that was a visa category. Instead they are now Live-In Mother's Helps, Live-In Nannies.
Which is actually good news, as there is also now no restriction on the number of hours that they can work.
You may find a male mother's help (au-pair) could work well.

Thanks Nannynick

I am actually very interested in a male 'aupair' as, as a single mum, I dont think young boys get anywhere near enough male input at what is vital development stage for them. There is one male teacher as DS' new primary school but not until he is in year 2, and he has had just one temporary student placement male carer in nearly 4 years at nursery!!

Although DS does see his dad twice a week he isnt a massively manly man (IYSWIM) and doesnt wrestle or play football with DS, so I think a younger male role model could be the ideal for my wee man (hope that doesnt sound offensive, he is a great dad in many ways just isnt terribly 'manly')

Full time nursery is so much less complicated than school!!

Out of interest if there no such thing as au apairs, what is the au pair agency I am looking at providing??

Thanks for your input

Definately worth knowing about the spaceship design Jura, I shall bear it in mind !!

May I ask how you find yours? And also tips for conversations with them. I spoke to a young man today in Czech Republic and I dont think either of us had a clue what the other was saying- crazy stuff!!
Probably not helped by me having no idea what to ask?!

Good question... ask them
I suspect they are: "providing you with assistance finding someone who wants to spend time in England and in exchange for board, lodgings and some spending money, they will help you around the home."

It used to be easy when the visa category existed, as that defined things like hours, attending language classes. But now that does not exist... someone coming to the UK and doing a live-in job in a private home, could be called a variety of things, such as Mother's Help, Nanny.

for quite a long time there were lots of aupairs from eu countries who didnt need the aupair visa. which doesnt mean they didnt 'work' as aupairs. there's no need to stop calling aupairs aupairs as the term is not limited to aupair visa holders. it's a form of relationship between the hostfamily and the young person.
dreamteamgirl - therefore aupair agencies are matching aupairs and families regardless of the aupair's category as viewed by uk border agency. an aupair can be either from an eu country in which case they can come without any paperwork or visas or anything or they can come through the youth mobility scheme if they are from Australia
New Zealand
Canada
Japan
www.bapaa.org.uk/displaypage.asp?page=1

we have had some lovely au pairs from gumtree. Mine did 2 hours in the morning (getting children ready for school,school run, running the vacuum cleaner around, children's washing, their bathroom and bedrooms etc) and then 3 hours in the afternoon that was childcare and makiing an evening meal for the children.

Au pair is about the relationship not the visa category. Au pair joins as a family member. I always tell ours to think of themselves as big sister (with better pocket money).

Mine have thought of themselves as au pairs despite not needing visas and I found them through au pair world, so they are au pairs.

And what your are asking for sounds exactly like what my au pair does.

dreamteamgirl - the other thing to bear in mind is that you usually need cover in school holidays and AP's are pretty good at helping out here too. The whole madness of school holidays versus real jobs hits you like a truck when they start school....

I have a male AP and he is FAB. Does lots of manly things with my DS. He is Spanish and does all the stuff you mention (except bathroom stuff)... and he did also indicate to me that he might know some other sporty male grads in their mid-20's looking for AP work over the summer holidays, maybe beyond...

Definitely sounds achievable. We don't ask our au pair to cook (but we are vegetarian so bit harder to keep nutritionally balanced than the average children).
I found mine through www.aupair-world.net, you might want to look through some of the other host family profiles to get an idea of what to put on yours. I found the recruiting for the first au pair difficult since I hadn't 'finalised the job description' in my head or on paper (the children were changing school and other complications which made it difficult) so my advice would be to write down a daily timetable and list of jobs for your potential au pair so you can be clear about what the job entails (and doesn't entail ie. ironing?) and to do a mumsnet search for AN's famous 'questionaire for nanny interviews' to give you an idea of some questions to ask in your initial emails/phone calls.

Guys thank you so much
Catepillar, that link has been really sueful thank you
Paulaknows best, I hadnt thought of gumtree but have had a look on there and found a local lady who organises au pairs so am going to phone her this weekend

Dadinsteadofmum thats what I want, someone who can be part of family, we had loads of foreign student stay with us whilst I was growing up and last year had the daughter of one of them come to stay with US. We have made so many friends and it'd be fab to be able to continue that through Sam's lifetime too

Squiffy, your au pari sounds great- is there a way to email you or you email me about your's APs friends?

Millarkie, thansk for the advice, I will have a look for the questionnaire- it sounds like it may have been the source of the spaceship remarks? LOL

Realy fab and thanks for all your time!!