Would it be OK for DS (11.5) to let himself in after school on th days I'm working?

[paolosgirl]

Dh and I are currently umming an ahhing about this. DS and DD go to an afterschool club which is about 2 minutes walk from home. He's the oldest one there (he's P7, due to go to high school after the summer holidays), and has been complaining for some time that he's bored. He's asked if he could let himself in after school on the 2 days I work - he would get home around 3.45 and I'm in at 5.15. We live in a very quiet cul-de-sac with neighbours and friends around if necessary, and he knows not to answer the door/phone or use the cooker. He'd come in, do his homework, set the table and watch TV.

He's a very sensible 11 year old, and has been left on his own for short spells already but this seems like a big step. Yay or nay to this, do you think?

Personally I think it'd be fine. As long as he's got numbers for you or a neighbour incase of problems. You know your son best and if you think he is sensible enough then that's what matters. If he starts holding raves you can send him back to after school club!

My DS is 12 and I would let him do this, but wouldn't leave him long with his sister as I think it unfair to expect him to take responsibility for her for too long.

I happily leave DS watching TV or doing homework when I have to take DD somewhere.

I would let him ..just don't let him read the what we got up to as kids thread

If you think he'll be fine then I don't see why not. I'd let your neighbours/friends know so that he knows how he can contact if there's an issue.

What is the law on the issue of leaving children alone?

skramble - I am not sure if it is legal to leave an 12 year old in charge of a younger child. Does anyone know for sure?

Yes, I'd allow this. It's an hour and a half, twice a week. That's only 3 hours per week! I'm sure he'll love the independence! I was allowed to stay home alone for short periods like this at that age, and loved it.

Phew - this is such a relief, thanks

I like your suggestion about sending him back to afterschool if there are any raves, Ebb! And yes, avoiding the thread about what we got up to as kids is probably a good idea!

I recon hell be fine. My mum lets my lil bro walk home from school and hes the same age as your DS. He loves it but sometimes decides to take a wonder to the shop or park with his freinds!Then has us wandering around for him as they live in a small village. But then he always comes back home when hes finishes 'hangin out'.

Yes, I think it would be absolutely ok, so long as he has the phone number of an adult relatively nearby, (other than you if you work a little way away), perhaps a neighbour or the mum of one of his friends.

I honestly cannot remember when my mum went back to work and I had a key and was alone after school until she got home. It could have been as young as 11. Certainly by the time I was 13.

dd would still be at the after school club wouldn't she paolo?
I think this is fine, he needs some independence now to start preparing for secondary.

I don't think there's a legal age limit on children being left alone, it depends on whether doing so endangers them or not. There's no hard and fast rules.

Personally, I think an 11 year old would be fine for a couple of hours after school.

Sorry - should have clarified. DD will continue to go to the afterschool club - it's only DS who will be allowed to let himself in.

The law states that a child must be 13 years of age before being left alone in the home. Thats for ABetaDad.

But it also states that children under 4ft have to be in a carseat or sitting on a bumper seat. And what 11 year old at 4ft 2 in wants to be sitting on a bumper seat???

I think the law is different here in Scotland - I'm pretty sure that there is no minimum age, but rather it's when they are mature and capable enough to be left. Perhaps the law would be interpreted differently though if you left them unsupervised all day? I don't know...

I've not heard that about 13 being the age limit before Chellesgirl, do you have a link for it?

Cant you ask a trusted neighbour to look out for him, you know the nosy one that everyone gets living next to them.

He does need to start gaining some independence but with rules. So lay the rules. Hes to come home straight after 3.15 and then not leave the house unless at risk to him . eg a fire! And if he doesnt abide by this and he starts to play the wild child with a bit of freedom then send him bk to afterschool club.

Yes, I'd like to see where "the law states" that as well. I was under the impression there was no legal age.

Sorry I talk too much but he needs to know you trust him to start making his own choices in life and he needs boundaries too.

Give respect to get respect.

Yes, good idea, I'll ask some neighbours to keep a wee eye on him, and I've got a couple of friends in the vicinity who I'm sure would act as emergency contacts if he needed them. And yes, any mucking about and he would be back to the afterschool club in the blink of an eye!

abbierhodes. Its just what a policeman told me when I answered the door to him when I was about 14. Time probably has changed.
Sorry mums n Dads for my input there. You lot are right.

Direct.gov.uk
Leaving children at home alone

There is no legal age limit for leaving a child on their own, but it is an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk. Parents can be prosecuted for neglect if they leave a child unsupervised ?in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health? (Children and Young Person?s Act).
How mature is the child?
The most important factor to consider is how mature the child is. For instance, it may be okay to leave a very mature or ?grown up? 12 year old alone for a day while you are at work, but not a 13 year old who is not mature.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) advises that:

children under the age of thirteen are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
children under the age of sixteen should not be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

Things to remember
If you do leave your child home alone, remember to do the following:

leave a contact phone number and make sure you can answer it right away
leave a separate contact list of people you trust, in case they can?t get hold of you
talk to your child before you leave about how to stay safe, and tell them not to answer the door to strangers
make sure dangerous objects like matches and knives are out of reach, as well as medicines and dangerous chemicals
leave clear instructions on what to do in case of an emergency (like a fire)
tell them what time you will be back, and don?t be late
set some basic rules about what they can and can?t do while you are out
teach them basic first aid

my father is a plice officer too - oh how he used to say that children can not be at home alone until they were 13. Obviously police dont know anything. And once again Im sorry, taking a policemans word for it, is not stating the law! Dam police - always get me into trouble.

Thanks Chellesgirl - that info is really helpful and reassuring

IMO perfectly fine
and what my eldest ( now nearly 13) has been doing since age 11

we too live in a quiet cul de sac,where he will play footy out the front or just watch tv / do homework etc
he knows he can go to neighbours in an emergency

he doesn't cook anything or have anyone in the house etc !
and we have mobiles,he texts me when he gets in so i know everything is ok

depends on the maturity of the child,and how much you trust them

Thanks Rachie - it's always good to hear others experiences. I guess it's because he's the eldest that we're worrying - by the time DC3 is that age we'll probably not think twice about it!