Play dates and nanny meet ups - am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

[2HotCrossBunsAnd1InTheOven]

I am very lucky in that I have a great nanny who the whole family love dearly. However, she isn't perfect (who is?!) and there a couple of issues which are bugging me at the moment. I am pg with DC3 so there is a possibility I am over-reacting/winding myself up! I've not said anything to my nanny yet - wanted to sound out whether I should or not first!

So - my nanny has been with us for nearly a year now (4 days a week) and has made a couple of very close nanny friends 1 of which is my nct friend's nanny. We all have 2 DCs and the children are well matched in age, particularly the younger 3 (all boys and born within 2 months of each other), and get on well. The older DCs are at their respective nurseries every morning whilst the younger ones do their various activities - some of which are the same. The nannies always meet up after the activities then go off to collect the older ones, do lunch, nap times etc. Then they meet up again in the afternoon with all the DCs. Most weeks it's every afternoon. Now they are all local, nice people, take it in turns to do tea etc so I don't have a problem with any of it individually. It's just it seems alot to see the same people all the time.

This week I have askd my nanny if she could ensure my DC have 1 afternoon a week when they don't have a playdate and they are just with her doing baking/painting/play dough etc. I think it's good for them to have some time where they not being stimulated by other kids, iyswim. She seemed fine with this.

But it doesn't leave much time for them to see other friends. My older DC is not that bothered by the kids the other nannies look after whilst the younger ones are my youngest's best mates! However, my nanny is excellent and I don't want to micro-manage her by setting rules as to how often to see particular friends. Part of me thinks if the kids are happy then I'm happy (and this is what my nct friend thinks, she's not going to mention it to her nanny).

Any thoughts - am I being a mad pg woman?!!

You are agonising over this way too much. Just arrange an activity/playdate swap for them and let her know what you have done. For example "I saw David's mum at church and we talked about a playdate in the week for DS1 so I gave her your mobile to arrange a swap with you. Just wanted to let you know so you aren't caught by surprise when she calls." Or "I found a nice craft activity for DS2 at ABC community centre. I'd like him to do this. Could you have a look at this schedule and sign him up for whichever time suits you the best."

My nanny tends to take the initiative to arrange these swaps on her own with kids in DD's and DS' classes. I'm very happy for them to run off with their friends, and she gets to go to the gym. Everyone happy. Personally, I wouldn't meddle unless nanny was choosing friends I don't like.

I would broach it from the 4yr olds angle.Say that a few mums have mentioned about starting drop off playdates and since he will be starting school in sept these are likely to be long term friendships and you think its important to start nurturing them.Maybe say one day a wk she could do drop off playdates-that means she's only really effected every other wk when she has the other child over to yours.

I look after a 4yr old and a 23mth old and we are lucky that in our street there is 2 other 4yr old girls and their siblings get on great with my youngest(in fact one of the 4yr olds younger sister is only 2mths younger than my youngest) none of them have nannies but we do drop off playdates occassionaly.one of the 4yr olds is oin my oldest class at school as well.
Then I do playdates with kids at school sometimes(quite hard to arrange but am trying)
Also have nanny friends and their charges

I too have a v good nanny but am a little concerned about the same sort of thing, it was v difficult to raise it, so much so that I haven't yet!
I think the issue is not so muc hseeing the smae people all the ime but the fact that there will be little time for reading, drawing etc and craft adn general hanging around in their pyjamas which is all a bit aimless but v nice for kids not to feel they are "on " all the time, at play dates etc. I know myself that playdates are good as yuo get to chat to other adults

It shouldn't be so hard to raise this kind of thing, as you are the Employer and what you says happens, is what happens. In reality however, it can be tricky to raise such matters - in the same way that it is tricking asking your boss for a pay rise!
Practice being assertive, work out what you want to achieve (writing it down may help) and then instruct your employee as to what you require.

As a nanny, I don't really do playdates - well not as in children coming to my place of work to play. I do meet up with some local childminders to go walking - so the children do get to socialise with other children of similar age. We also meetup when Legoland is open - as much easier having more adults around on trips to Legoland. We certainly don't meet-up every day though and not twice in the same day.

I'm an out-and-about nanny and I feel I make that quite clear when I am interviewed for jobs. I like going exploring... finding places to visit - be it woodland, museums, or just a great location to watch boats on the river. Often it's just me and the children on these trips - we've found some great places - such as where you can sit in a Helicopter, which of course a 4 year old loved. However, some days the children don't want to go out... don't want to see the world around them.

I think playdates four afternoons with the same children is a bit excessive, especially if it doesn't really work for the elder child and they are just playing with the other children's toys.

This doesn't sound as if your nanny has planned a balanced set of activities which are appropriate to all your children. It does sound as if she is meeting up with her mates on your time.

You need to be clear with your nanny :

• limit playdates to 1 or 2 a week
• nanny to organise playdates specifically for the older child with your friend
• spend the other afternoons at home and give the children a wider range of activities and some 1 to 1 time (e.g. cooking, arts and crafts)

If she's not happy with this, she does't have your childrens' best interests at heart.