Advice needed: upset mindee

[SillyMillysMummy]

I am newly registered. I have a couple of ad hoc children, who are with me 2-4 hours a week, and 1 lo for a full day. The full day child was previously at nursery for that one day but apparently never settled, crying constantly until he was collected by mum. He comes to me and gets really upset, almost maybe angry when mum leaves (mum stays for 5 mins) and generally he stops around 10-15 mins later, however if anyone comes to the door, gets extremely upset again. He is generally a lovely mindee and does enjoy his day when we can get over the being upset. Recently became more of an issue when I had one of the ad hoc mindees dropped off half an hour after him, he was extremely upset all through ad hoc mindees dad being here. Any ideas would be much appreciated, I was thinking maybe mum shouldnt stay for that 5 mins? He also leaves his coat and hat on, gets very upset if i try to remove (so i dont) however is ok once settled.

Oh I should say that he spends 2 full days and one night with a close relative the day before coming to me, culd this be an issue?

Poor little thing. Must be so stressful for you for him to be so upset when other mindees Dad is about.

What about giving him some regular treat as soon as his Mum leaves (or maybe let him watch his favourite DVD)? If he is excited by it and accepts he may begin to associate her leaving with something positive?

I've got 2 mindees who both started at 8 weeks old (but not together, they are about a year apart) and then went through a phase of being like this at the classic age of seperation anxiety. The older one went through this so long ago and is totally confident now. The other one is 14 months now and is much better than she was but still gets very clingy when a new person comes i.e. the adhoc school hols mindee I've had this week!! They just need(ed) reassuring that this person is ok. I still hold the one who gets like this with new people as she's fine if I'm holding her and then we chat and say 'look, they are ok, it's so and so's daddy/mummy etc'.

Not sure how old your mindee is?

As for them being new, I'd say from experience that it's best for the drop off to be fairly quick. The longer the parent stays, the worse it usually is ime. Would be best for mum to pop in, remove mindees coat etc. for you say goodbye and then go quickly. Not saying this will work for your mindee as I don't know them but it's what I would try.

Don't worry, these phases seem to last forever at the time but then when you look back you realise that it was just a small phase.

Good luck

mindee is 16 months I try to be confident with him and it does seem to help, I hold him while mum leaves as he would be out of the door behind her, but as soon as I let go he runs to door. It seems that mum coming in doesnt do him any good so was thinking maybe just to take him at the door, if mum agrees, might be less stressful for mum at least.

Might try the dvd thing maybe have it playing as he comes in, with comfy cushions in our 'quiet' room

I just feel so inadequate, especially in front of other parents, I have both mindees next week too am tbh am fairly dreading it

when he was a day at nursery he used to start screaming as soon as he saw it, and he has started doing this as he walks to my door

Giving a treat is a good idea. My nehpew used to thid when my sister left him with me.

TI'd give him some crisps and he'd be fine. He sooned learned when mummy went the crisps came out and he was happy to stay without her.

Obv being a mindee and not a family member crisps aren't the best treat but maybe ask what his fave fruit is and have that at the ready? Or a fruitjuice ice lolly?

I have one that cries whenever another child is collected (she's fine at drop off). It is really embarassing to be talking to a parent while she is crying her eyes out about her Mummy not being here yet. I think it makes me look bad. I know that she's happy the rest of the time, but the parents don't.