Have any of you ever had mindees you just don't 'click' with?

[OFSTEDoutstanding]

I have been childminding a mindee for 2 years, since he was 5 months old and for the first time in 17 years of childcare I just don't seem to have bonded with him. I am caring and will give him cuddles and play and do all the things you would do with any other mindee but I get absolutely nothing back. He wouldn't dream of giving me a hug goodbye when he leaves and tbh his parents would find it strange if I asked for one. He never asks to sit on my lap, he wont come over and talk to me and if my ds is not there he will only play alone or sit looking into space. Before any of you say I should try harder I have done everything I possibly can, I feel like the 5month old mindee gives more back. I don't show that I haven't bonded and he is really happy here but just not at all affectionate. Has this ever happened to any of you and if so what do you do. It probably sounds really silly but it is starting to make me feel like a really bad childminder

I raised numerous concerns with parents about a child I cared for -they even admitted they had 'noticed' what I was discussing with them - but because 1 parent refused to acknowledge there was a problem, ('They don't know what they're talking about') they did nothing. Child wouldn't recognise me 'out of the box' and would ask 'who's that?', although I'd cared for the child for several years - total red flag with the other symptoms (no eye contact, poor coordination, delayed speech, obsession with routine and lining things up, constantly repeating things). If I asked for a 'squeezy hug' the child put their arms over my shoulders and nipped me! I found it really frustrating - because I was 'only' a childminder, they made me feel like I also didn't know what I was talking about - yet had my own child shown the same symptoms I would have had him assessed like a shot! I know exactly how you feel. If the same situation arises for me in the future, I think I will be more 'firm' in how I discuss it with parents - and will keep more detailed accounts of discussions and symptoms. Good luck!

Thanks for the info about training Jenni.

In terms of hugs - if a child is showing other developmental problems such as delayed speech, it may be best not to force hugs - as sometimes kids can have sensory problems along with the ASD type problems, which would mean they really wouldn't like being hugged.

Its best not to force hugs, no, but it IS possible to like being hugged. Both DS and I have sensory problems (and I'm worse than he is in a lot of ways), and by offering hugs, he's learned that they can be nice. I myself like hugs but I HATE being kissed on the cheek, other than by my husband or children. I've LEARNED to do (and even like) a lot of things, and its much easier when young.

Its a question of weighing up the theory, against what you know about the child. There isn't a textbook answer on this, just as neurotypical (NT) children are all different, so are neurodiverse children. And adults for that matter too!

sorry MaryBS, quite right, I was being overly simplistic about sensory problems.