nanny looking for advice

[suzieanchloe]

im a mum of one and been a nanny for many years. im looking after a 2 year old is good as gold for me but as soon as her mum turns up her behavior completely changes. i have had mornings where she is sitting lovey at the table eating her breakfast when her mum walks in and then starts screaming to get down an refusing to eat even if she has just started her breakfast. her mum is also having trouble at bed time. she will wake in the night and scream til she gets to go in her mums bed and sometimes just climbs out of her cot. its very rare that she sleeps through and sometimes i get to hers in the morning and she has been up since 4am. she sleeps over mine sometimes as i have a daughter of simular age and always sleeps 12 hours for me no probs. her mum tends not to be very good a disclipline and the little one knows this! how can i give her mum advice about this without sounding like im telling her how to be a mum.

don't unless she asks. I'd be profoundly upset (to out it mildly) if my nanny offered me parenting advice without asking - in fact its the kind of thing that would lead me to question whether I'd carry on employing her.

sorry to be blunt

i understand where you are coming from as im also a mum but im still concerned as to how her behaviour will be as she gets older. i really care about her and her mum and i worry how their relationship will be if she isnt given some boundries! im always welcome any advice maybe thats just me then! thanks for the advice

difficult one

maybe you can say to mum that when BOTH of you are there, that your charge plays up - so giving no one blame - so to speak

tbh it is often typical behaviour that the child is better behaved for the nanny, than the parents - though not always

agree with poppy that unless mb asks for advice about sleeping etc, that to butt out - if mb says she is tired etc, then maybe you can offer advice

maybe she'll ask you? in the situation you describe (ie my dd started acting up for want of a better word with me and not others)I'd prob discuss it with nanny and listen to her thoughts/suggestions on dealing with it.

LEAVE WELL ALONE.

I cannot emphasise this enough. Working mums have enough guilt already, and she WILL NOT thank you for saying anything. It is none of your business,

Step away.

thanks for advice guys will leave it unless she asks. i dont want to offend anyone! i know by my own expirence my little one plays me up more than she does for others. just wanted to help!

I agree with the others - don't mention it.
Children often save their worse behaviour for their parents..and working mums who are having disrupted sleep normally know that the long term solution is to get tough on the toddler and put her back in her own bed...but practising this takes a lot more energy than can be found sometimes. She'll sleep through at your house because (however fond she is of you) you are not her Mum!

Agree with others, don't mention it until it's mentioned to you.

You could buy the new Mumsnet Guide To Toddlers and leave it behind one evening - it's an amusing read and will give mum lots of tips if she does happen to read it.

As a nanny I would never mention anything like this.
To be honest, its pretty normal of the children I've looked after. My ex charge used to skip home with me, singing a song, happy as larry but the second she saw her Mum it was like she was a different child. Screaming, tantrums, demanding chocolate and the like.
But as a nanny my job is to support parents on raising their little ones, not call them up on their supposed failings.
Plus, I quite liked having a job. Lol.

agree that nobody wants to be told how to parent by their nanny but i've appreciated advice from my (super tactful) nanny in the past.
if you think your MB would be receptive to advice the one thing you could do,if you haven't been there that long, is make it about you. eg sit down with the mother at a calm time when the little girl is not playing up and say you hope you are doing the right thing when you tell your charge to (fill in whatever the behaviour is - sit down when she's in the highchair or whatever)?
you want to know that you are giving her the same message as the mother does and that she is getting a consistent message about discipline as that's much the best way to make her secure.
but make clear it's about YOU trying to fit in with what the mother does NOT making the mother do what you do.
if she is privately worried about her daughter's behaviour your MB may well take the hint and you can talk more broadly about discipline, being consistent etc and agree some ground rules that you both stick to. if she just says, no im perfectly happy with what you're doing, leave it well alone. if you've been there for years this won't work.